Drawing the line somewhere...

Prep School Admissions Prep School Parents
1

<p>As the parent of an 8th grader considering BS for 9th grade/Fall 2011, I thought I had our consideration set all mapped out this August. A few of the top New England schools... tour, interview, cull, apply, wait, cry/cheer, etc.</p>

<p>But as I spent more time on the CC Prep School forum, that consideration set changed. I was smacked with the realization that despite offering what I think is her fairly strong candidacy, maybe my daughter needed to apply to more than 3 schools to get at least one acceptance.</p>

<p>So "scope creep" set in, first to the schools from California, which I think do offer a unique BS experience that's a little less Martha's Vineyard and a little more Yosemite. But the distance...</p>

<p>Then, as I considered the distance that six hours by car or plane represent, I looked a little more closely at the handful of mid-Atlantic schools that seem comparable to New England's finest.</p>

<p>And finally, based on some parent's observation here about a certain school in the same town as a certain famous Connecticut racetrack, I expanded the circle even further. </p>

<p>But when three substantial information kits arrived on the same day (some second salvos from first round schools) last week, my wife looked at me like I had lost my mind. And truthfully, I/we were overwhelmed with information (I understand why people hire education consultants now).</p>

<p>So few nights later I sat down with my wife to review what our goals and parameters were in exploring BS in the first place. (FWIW, my daughter, besides having an allergic reaction to one or two schools, feels that all of the schools remaining in contention could work for her.) And I put many beautiful brochures in the recycling pile.</p>

<p>There's this one self-published book out there about a mother and daughter who go through the BS consideration/selection process while hiking parts of the Appalachian Trail. They visit 14 schools as part of their process. That seemed crazy/silly to me at first, but I was close to halfway there...</p>

<p>So I ask other parents of this year's applicant class and beyond: How and where did you draw the line and stick to it (or not)?</p>

2

<p>My son applied to 5 schools - all highly selective - no “safety” schools. All were New England based schools no more than 2 hours from home. We have an okay public school system at which my child was doing extremely well - academically, athletically, leadership-wise - but not really being challenged. </p>

<p>For us, we were willing to make the financial and emotional sacrifice of sending him to boarding school if he got into one of the top schools. Otherwise we would have kept him home and I’m sure he would have been fine in public school. It would be a different experience but it would not make or break him. Unlike the college process, we didn’t feel the need to consider Matches or Safeties. We also didn’t feel the need to consider schools too far away as we were fortunate to live in an area where good schools were close by so we could go to his sporting events or stop by campus on the weekend to take him out to dinner.</p>

3

<p>This is what my daughter and I have done, (and this is based partly on my experience with my son last year and the collective wisdom of others on this board):</p>

<p>STEP ONE: My daughter visited the websites of tons of schools (some that I suggested and some that she found on her own) and requested materials from all that even remotely interested her. Then, she narrowed it to about twenty schools that she would like to visit and handed the list to me.</p>

<p>STEP TWO: I went through her list and picked ten that met my requirements of distance from either our home and/or brother’s school AND that I felt good about, making sure that there was a mix of selectivity, size and location in there because I don’t want her to see a variety. I picked made sure there were at least four schools where her stats would put her in the top 20% (advice I give to all FA applicants).</p>

<p>STEP THREE: Other than my making travel arrangements and scheduling interviews, the rest is in her hands. The only condition that I make from here is that she not apply to any school that she wouldn’t be thrilled to attend. This is very important. It is also made clear to her that I feel great about ALL of the schools she is visiting and would be happy to see her at any of them. (Why would I have her visit and possibly fall in love with a school that I don’t think suits her or that I have misgivings about.) She doesn’t have to have a reason for not liking a school after a visit either. Allergic reactions are valid. :)</p>

<p>STEP FOUR: She narrows the list from here and I provide emotional, logistical support as she makes her way through the INCREDIBLE amount of work required of her to complete the essays while maintaining her academic, extra curricular, artistic, and social commitments.</p>

<p>STEP FIVE: Prepare for the worst and hope for the best!</p>

<p>That’s what we did / are doing.</p>

<p>She may apply to all the schools she visits, but it’s unlikely. I will encourage her to apply to at least two of the schools where she is more likely to get in and as many of the top schools as she likes. I would say that I will set a minimum of six schools, but I don’t know. Visiting gets very expensive and if, after we are done visiting at the end of October, she only likes four schools, she may only apply to those four. We may have to open the search again, but we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. I’d like her to apply to at least six schools. You see, for a very bright FA applicant, there is no “reach, match, safety” formula that can be used.</p>

<p>I hope my post made some sense, SevenDad! Admittedly, I am typing in a hurry and must scoot out the door after clicking “post” without proofreading.</p>

<p>Edit: must add this…we have no local options. Everything changes if you have local options. There isn’t quite the need to see so many schools if you can stay put if it doesn’t work out.</p>

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<p>Awesome post neato–this one should go on that “best of” thread, wherever it is (I’m too lazy to look for it myself :slight_smile: )</p>

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<p>I have a D on the East Coast for BS and we are on the West Coast. Distance does matter–we can’t be there for sports games or music concerts or take her to dinner, it is MUCH harder for us to develop any kind of rapport with the school or with other parents, we could not drive to comfort her when she broke her femur, and lastly, every once in a while kids need to get away from the 24-7 atmosphere, and at those moments, I wish badly there was a way for me to pick her up and whisk her away. They still need some connection to home and parents, so IMO, don’t look too far from home if you can.</p>

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<p>Gah! I re-read my post and I should never, EVER click post before proofing. Jeez!</p>

<p>So here is a retroactive edit:

</p>

<p>Should read: … because I want her to see a variety. I made sure there were at least four schools where her stats would put her in the top 20% (advice I give to all FA applicants).</p>

<p>Yeah, there are a variety of other diction, syntax and grammatical errors, plus general awkwardness, but the above pre-edit made no sense!</p>

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<p>It depends on how happy you are with your default option. We’d be satisfied, so we’re looking at a smaller number of schools this year. None of the schools is more than two hours from home. If it doesn’t work out, next year we’ll recalibrate.</p>

<p>SevenDad, have you thought of hiring a consultant, if only to help you build your list? It sounds as if you’re interested in every school in the country. A consultant could help you filter the flood of information. She could also talk with your daughter about her interests. Sometimes kids will tell parents what they think the parents want to hear. </p>

<p>To Mom: “Yes, Mom, of course I want to look at schools with strong underwater basket weaving departments.” </p>

<p>To a Consultant: “I never want to touch wicker again. I’d love to become a math geek.”</p>

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<p>@Periwinkle: RE: A consultant. </p>

<p>Though I wouldn’t have wanted to spend the $$, I think that would be the next step if we hadn’t had a meeting of the minds the other night. I actually haven’t considered every school in the country or even in New England…our final list will be 4-5 schools, 3 of which are definites as of today.</p>

<p>I just wanted to know how other families thought this same process through and what parameters you set/breached/modified along the way.</p>

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<p>Great topic. I was initially presented with a list of 10 schools. 2 were reluctantly eliminated because of distance. Another was eliminated because we decided against the concept of a “safety school”. 2 more fell to the wayside after my D didn’t “feel it” after a “snnek peek”. So we are down to a “short list” of 5 which I still think is 1 too many.</p>

<p>We have found the application process to be very time consuming and somewhat cumbersome. This is where the SSAT Common APP schools get extra points from me. They show an understanding of what these children are up against and a willingness to ease the process. I also think it shows a spirit of cooperation among the member schools and a degree of confidence/security that the culture of their own particular school will still shine through.</p>

<p>At the end of the day there is only so much time our family can devote to BS applications and tours/interviews. I have multiple children, a marriage, a p/t law practice, ailing elderly parents and a happy home to maintain. My D’s schedule is equally as full. So I guess my question really is: Are we hurtimg my D’s chances of a favorable outcome at 1 or more schools by streamlining? I don’t have the answer to that yet but we are going to give it our best shot at 4 schools and call it a day.</p>

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<p>My son used the SSAT app for 4 schools last year. He could have used it for five, but he actually liked the essay questions on the fifth school’s app. He was accepted into three of those, btw - albeit, one without FA, so I don’t think there is a bias against using the SSAT app. It makes it ever so much easier to manage. Some schools that accept the SSAT app require a supplemental essay so be sure to check.</p>

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<p>We started out by looking at schools on line. Then requesting information from schools that had “dance programs” ( a school wasnt an option if my d couldnt dance). We wanted schools that had Japanese, but we were to learn early that few did, so that idea moved down out list to what we wanted (we substituted in Chinese & Latin). We were down to about 25 at that point.</p>

<p>We then looked at ssat scores, where would my d place in terms of other applicants. We looked at endowments, who had enough money that could offer fa (without fa my d couldnt go). Who had a good history with wanting and obtaining diversity (my d is URM). We considered size, ap offerings, and location (west coast was out, we are from the midwest, east is a easier commute). College placement was never a factor.</p>

<p>BTW I did all of this on my own, with many spread sheets.</p>

<p>We decided to do a 6 day trip and visit 10 schools. We also took interviews at each school, before applying. We decided after visits that some schools didnt work for us, not enough dance, academics not what we wanted or my d just didnt feel like she fit or would fit in.</p>

<p>We got down to 7 schools in the end. No safeties. No places that she wouldnt love to part of the learning/living community. We applied to 2 schools that we were not able to visit. We asked most schools for fee wavier for application and were granted such (one school said no to wavier, thus we didnt apply, my d ended up at their rival-go figure).</p>

<p>In the end my d was accepted in 5 schools, wait-listed to 1 and not selected at 1. My d was selected at her number one choice, so it wasnt that difficult to select (this school didnt offer the most fa but enough that I could swing the rest, with sacrifice). If she had not been, the other choices were going to make deciding difficult.</p>

<p>In review, I think we should have applied to 10 schools, my daughter was an extremely strong student, though she was not a 99% SSATer. Not a lot a EC’s, but long term and committed. My d is self confident and independent. I wanted bs for her but she wanted it more and interviews showed that.</p>

<p>Now that she is in bs would I do it again, YEP. The smile on her face with our first Skype on sunday, finally brought tears to my eyes. My d is right where she belongs, we know it.</p>

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<p>You are making a good choice to fan out from New England… My daughter applied to 3 HADES schools and was w/l at 2, rejected at 1. She’s at the local public school this year. A good school, and she is happy. She’s kicking around the idea of reapplying as a sophomore, but I’m not sure she is going to follow through. If she does, she will probably add a Mid-Atlantic school to the mix… probably the Hill School.<br>
Anyhow, enough about our situation… The New England BSs are getting tons of applications and competition for the spots are fierce. If you look beyond New England, you daughter will stand out because of where she comes from. You won’t kick yourself on March 10th and say “Shoulda, coulda, woulda”</p>

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<p>Mom–do you think you should have applied to more school in the New England area? or maybe some 2nd tier schools?</p>

<p>Just asking.</p>

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<p>I think a couple more New England schools (like Taft, Middlesex) and a couple mid-Atlantic schools. Also, with 20/20 hind-sight, I believe we should have prepared our daughter more on what to expect for the interview process. I naively thought she could just go “be herself”. Both of the w/l schools (one directly, one indirectly) said the interview was the weak part of her application.</p>

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<p>We have a child at BS on the West Coast and the distance isn’t as big of an issue as we initially thought it might be. With Skype we can have video conversations with our son which helps us see that he’s well and happy. It’s not the same as having him at home every day and getting a hug, but it works surprisingly well. The school also takes a proactive role in keeping us involved and informed over a long distance. As a few examples, his advisor calls and writes with updates of his academic, social and sporting successes and challenges; the school has a department that regularly prepares e-news for parents - cleverly called “communiCATE”; and the coach for his Fall sports team sends us DVD’s of the games since we can’t be there. </p>

<p>Last week was the school’s annual “Outings Week”, a week at beginning of school each year where the students camp, hike and backpack with members of their class and with faculty. It’s bonding experience that helps the students learn about themselves, their classmates and the wilderness. The ninth grade stay in cabins and hike in the Sequoia National Forest, the sophomores separate into pods and backpack through Yosemite, the 11th grade has a rafting / hiking adventure down the Kern River, and the seniors have the option of helping with one of the younger classes or swimming, camping and snorkeling on Catalina Island. The point that I want to make is about communication… Yesterday we received an email from the faculty member that led our son’s trek. He attached several photos of our son (individual and with friends) and wrote a personal letter that was both heartfelt and informative. It’s that type of communication that helps us bridge the distance gap. It’s certainly not as ideal as being there, but it helps a lot.</p>

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<p>My son looked at a lot of schools on line, ordered view books from about 10.</p>

<p>We visited 8.</p>

<p>We set a limit on the number of applies at 6: 2 reach, 3 target, 1 safety. There was no explicit geography restriction other than continental U.S. It ended up this way: 4 in New England, 1 in NY, 1 in California. The California trip was more to satisfy his insistence on checking the school out since he had liked it best online and I thought that I could get a father-son trip out of it.</p>

<p>The volume of work to prepare the applications was significant when added to the sports, job and social activities. Like your child, I believe that 90% of the applicants can be happy at 90% of the schools. So, I prefer a smaller list with more effort going into each application. I can’t imagine applying to 10 schools or more, although some people do this.</p>

<p>Reach results: 1 admit, 1 wl
Target results: 1 admit, 1 rejection, 1 wl
Safety result: 1 admit</p>

<p>As you know, my son ended up going to CA for boarding school. Despite the physical distance, we felt close to the school, the other parents, the goings-on. Two years after graduation, we still communicate back and forth with various teachers, administrators and fellow parents with whom we formed long lasting friendships. From my door in D.C. to the door at the Emerald Iguana (the most amazing Inn ever) was 10 hours. We traveled 3x per year to visit for five day weekends. The trips were actually a piece of cake and, in the interest of full disclosure, also served as mini-vacations for me and my wife. We really miss them!</p>

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<p>SevenDad, I used my child’s interests to draw up our initial list. Originally, I had set three hours from home as our limit. After I read the list of schools created by the original criteria, I tightened the limit to two hours. This time around, I’m drawing on our impressions from the first experience. This year’s child has different priorities. </p>

<p>The advantage of a consultant is the knowledge culled from years of advising families. It helps a great deal to know that an “artsy” school is stronger in pottery than creative writing, for example. Having said that, though, I know families who were happy with their consultants, and families who were unhappy. You seem organized enough to go it alone.</p>

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<p>For some families, the distance issue is = to a cost issue.</p>

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<p>It is a bit different with the second one, isn’t it Periwinkle? I too, culled a few schools that my son visited because I knew they wouldn’t have been suitable for my D, even though they were good for son.</p>

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<p>Alexz825, just curious - why in retrospect would you have increased your number of schools to 10? Seems like you obtained an outstanding result with the 7 schools that you applied to. With your daughter being accepted into her first choice school, my reasoning would be you would look back and think you could have applied to many less schools. I have to be honest and say that I think 10 schools is a staggering number - not sure I would be able to find 10 that I honestly believed were a good fit for one child.</p>