<p>I don't know if it is just me, or if others feel this way. I am dreading my children going off to college far away. </p>
<p>There are many emotional issues in all this. Anyone else feeling this way?</p>
<p>Feeling pretty sad here. Plus my son had surgery last Monday and will be in a sling for a good part of his first semester.:(</p>
<p>Both my sons will be leaving this week (one will be a freshman and one a junior). I thought I was okay with it, but broke into tears during church tonight. Apparently I’m not okay with it :-(.</p>
<p>It will be tough…No matter what anyone else says, you are losing your child so to speak…meaning the kid your raised from birth will not be in your home anymore. There is no sugar coating it IMO</p>
<p>I’ll go along with it will be tough, but they DO come home and anymore it’s not unusual for them to come back and live at home again too.</p>
<p>What I found helpful was reading this book - [Amazon.com:</a> Letting Go (Fifth Edition): A Parents’ Guide to Understanding the College Years: Karen Levin Coburn, Madge Lawrence Treeger: Books](<a href=“http://www.amazon.com/Letting-Go-Fifth-Parents-Understanding/dp/B002WTC9BU/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1344733915&sr=1-1&keywords=letting+go+a+parents+guide+to+understanding+the+college+years]Amazon.com:”>http://www.amazon.com/Letting-Go-Fifth-Parents-Understanding/dp/B002WTC9BU/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1344733915&sr=1-1&keywords=letting+go+a+parents+guide+to+understanding+the+college+years) and to have something to look forward to, like parents weekend or Thanksgiving.</p>
<p>Last year when our youngest went off to college I talked my husband into going from the college off to Canada for a two night mini-vacation. Canada because it was close to our son’s college and some place we had not been for a number of years. Coincidentally, our basement flooded while we were gone so that gave me something to else to take my mind off our son not being home when we got back!</p>
<p>Allow yourself to feel sad, but try not to wallow. Picture instead your daughter or son exploring college and having new adventures.</p>
<p>You’re having normal parental feelings. </p>
<p>Just keep focusing on Thanksgiving or whenever the first trip back home for the kid is. That’s usually only a couple or three months after they head off so it’s not like they’re gone for 4-5 years. When the kid departs say (and think) “See you at Thanksgiving” (or winter break or whenever). Also focus on how proud you are to have helped them hit this milestone of independence.</p>
<p>I remember feeling this pit in my stomach when I took D down for move in. Then 2 weeks later, she called and said “I have so many friends! I love it here!” And she’s usually kind of blas</p>
<p>It was really tough with both kids off to college. But now, a few years post graduation, both are home visiting for the weekend and they actually spend more time with us when they are visiting then they did while in high school. They live a few hours away, but we make a point of spending a weekend a month together and speak on the phone frequently. I think we are closer now, although in a different way.</p>
<p>Do a search for “empty nest” threads on College Confidential. You’ll find tons of people who have struggled with this transition - perhaps more than our kids do! It’s normal, and in the end most people find they adjust and life is eventually good again. Different, but good.</p>
<p>There will perhaps always be a wistfulness for the time when our children were our CHILDREN, living in our home… time we always intellectually knew would come to an end, but emotionally most of us were still not quite ready for it!</p>
<p>D2 has one more year at home before college, but D1 has graduated from college and moved to a new city. We sent off all her bedroom furniture in a Pod last week, so her bedroom is completely empty. My hairdresser made me cry when he wanted to discuss it while cutting my hair this morning. I know next fall is going to be very tough, but they do come home for breaks during college.</p>
<p>OP, I think it’s really tough. My D (a freshman) leaves in 4 days and I’m trying to hold it all together, for myself and for her. My S (junior) leaves a few weeks later. </p>
<p>When S left 2 years ago, the first week was agonizing. In the evenings, the rest of us would gather in the family room to watch tv and just look at each other like WTH?? It took us a few weeks to adjust to S’s absence in our daily lives. We are now pretty used to his coming and going - plus, he is only one and a half hours away.</p>
<p>D will be 6 hours away. This has me panicky in a variety of ways. I agree with the others that having holidays/weekends to look forward to does help, but the initial change in the family dynamic is rough.</p>
<p>Skype! Get it set up now - you’ll be amazed at what a little face-to-face communication does to make everyone feel connected, especially in those first few weeks, before you’ve settled into your ‘new normal.’</p>
<p>And kids are so different in their styles of ‘connectedness.’ S liked to chat for 5 minutes as he walked between classes - sometimes he called daily. D prefers to check in by Skype once a week on an ad hoc basis, sometimes for quite long talks. </p>
<p>And you will come to appreciate how wonderful it is when your communication is entirely focused on how their lives and yours are progressing - and not about the shoes left by the door, the dirty dishes in front of the tv or the empty gas tank in the car.</p>
<p>I really miss my kids when they are away. D went to college 1500 miles away. I missed her terribly but knew she was right where she belonged. It helped that she called a few times each week. S is now about 1000 miles away when he’s at school. I miss him terribly but know he is right where he belongs, too. He, unfortunately, does not call often. 
He will text so I am glad he does that. When I feel especially lonely, I remind myself that this is what they are supposed to do at this time in their lives. It also helps that D came back to our home town after graduation. I know how very blessed I am to have two healthy kids who were/are able to go off to college. I have friends who are not so lucky.</p>
<p>Pick up some fun cards and get one ready so your student receives a little love from home during that first week of class.</p>
<p>Wishing you the best as your kids head to campus for a great year.</p>
<p>I agree completely that this is a very difficult time and impacts dynamics of the family.</p>
<p>My DS is now a senior in college. When he left 3 years ago, DD13 just entered her freshman year of high school. My DH seemed to “abandon” us on weekends and play golf on weekends and watch football games at my brother’s house “because y’all wouldn’t be watching them anyway…” Don’t think he could handle all the estrogen at home but couldn’t verbalize it properly.</p>
<p>I was recuperating from neck surgery and so was home a lot. DD and I bonded as she was getting adjusted to high school. Definitely changed the family dynamics!!</p>
<p>Now DS is basically moved out and rarely comes home even though he’s only two hours away. He considers his college town home.</p>
<p>DD will likely not be close…more like 6 hours away. While I am excited for her senior year, I am saddened by every “last” activity. Tomorrow is her last first day of school.</p>
<p>This quote kinda sums up these feelings…</p>
<p>“The mother-child relationship is paradoxical and, in a sense, tragic. It requires the most intense love on the mother’s side, yet this very love must help the child grow away from the mother, and to become fully independent.” – Erich Fromm</p>
<p>My oldest son is a senior at an OOS university 13 hours from our home. We rarely see him except for Christmas and if we go and visit (did that in the spring for Honors Week). He spent all of 13 days home this summer, as he had a government internship in a U.S. territory.</p>
<p>We do communicate – e-mails once or twice a day (g-chat is awesome). My younger son and husband like to send text messages back and forth with him. I send a card or two each month with coupons or a gift card. My son loves getting mail. Right now, I’m getting together a box with some textbooks that arrive here, along with other things that he needs or likes.</p>
<p>It has given me a chance to spend a lot of time with the younger son, who is a rising junior in HS. We got up this morning just after six to watch the marathon at the Olympics. We had a lot of fun together. Now, I’m starting the college search with him. My husband works out of state part of the year, so it’s just the two of us many days. You learn to adjust. </p>
<p>My older son says that I need to get a puppy when he and his brother are not home. I look at it this way – it will be the first time that the house will be clean and organized! Don’t know if I want that messed up!</p>
<p>Six days and counting for us until we send our D to university 3,000 miles away! I, too, am struggling with the sadness of it all. However, fate, or God, or however you choose to look at it, has a way of reminding us how lucky we are. As I was going for my morning bike ride yesterday, I happened to take the route that took me past the location where a 16 yr old neighborhood boy was struck by a car and killed at the beginning of this summer. The pavement is covered in spraypainted tributes, and flowers and candles still sit on the sidewalk. I suddenly realized what “losing” your child really means, no visits home for Thanksgiving, no Skype, no texts. And I also reminded myself how incredibly lucky my D is to have this wonderful opportunity (though she did work hard to earn it!) and how grateful I am that we are able to provide her with it. </p>
<p>My D is also the only child in our circle of close friends that is not going to community college or our local state university, both of which are less than 3 miles from our home. When I listen to those moms continue to complain about their kids’ messy rooms, how they sit around all day doing nothing and don’t take responsibility for themselves, I am also glad that my D is so adventurous, curious to see another part of the world, and will certainly come home next summer having matured a great deal. When I <em>really</em> think about it, I wouldn’t have it any other way. But it doesn’t mean the tears don’t still come from time to time!</p>
<p>I cried all last summer whenever I thought about DD leaving. I cried setting up her room. I cried at the parent’s orientation. I sobbed when we said goodbye. (So did she.)
I cried silently on the two and a half hour drive home. And I cried when we got home. And a few more times over the next few days. </p>
<p>But, things get better with time. </p>
<p>I am wondering how I will handle leaving her this year. Much better, I think.</p>
<p>“Child leaving home” scores 29 on the Holmes and Rahe life stressor scale. Not sure what USNWR or Forbes would give it. Slightly less than “Mortage,” the simple mention of which makes me ‘wig-out.’ Even though I paid my mortage off twelve years ago, heh-heh. </p>
<p>So, yeah, it’s a huge stressor, really. My wife is acting strangely this last week before the kid leaves. Seriously, though, it can lead to illness or suicidal thoughts.</p>
<p>But I’m looking forward launch date. Launch that space probe already. D-9 and counting.</p>
<p>Mom2them:</p>
<p>The Erich Fromm quote was really powerful. It is so hard letting go. </p>
<p>One thing that helps, though, is reminding myself that my child is going to a college where he will get a lot of support. It must be SO much harder for families where their children go off to the military, where there is a clear risk for danger, and where no one will be there to really support them. I can’t imagine how hard that must be.</p>
<p>Maybe it was different for me because my older kids grew up splitting their time between their dad and I, and we live in two states on opposite coasts. I was used to their being gone for long stretches of time and used to making (or have them taking) regular calls to check in. </p>
<p>In my S’s case it was not college but the armed forces and let me tell you, college is NOTHING compared to knowing your 18 yo child is in the middle east during a war. Though it helped that he was on a ship and less in harms way than a foot soldier, I was basically terrified for a year. The fact that I rarely heard from him made it worse. </p>
<p>So when D left for college last fall to her father’s state I was sad but happy for her and I wasn’t miserable at all. She was safe. I could talk to her often. She called a couple of times a week and we FB chatted that often. We’re much closer now.</p>
<p>She’s returned to my city to go to a different school and for now is living at home again. Of course I support her but I was sort of used to having only my youngest in house. Now when SHE leaves it will probably be a different story. But she plans to teach me to Skype or whatever’s available by then. H jokes that he’s going to rent out her room and change the locks, but HE’S the one who’s going to miss his only child and his princess.</p>