<p>"BC Eagle, isn't alcohol a drug?"</p>
<p>Legally or scientifically? You can buy it over the counter without a prescription.</p>
<p>^Not if you are under 21</p>
<p>Not trying to split hairs with you. I just think the whole notion is wrong. If you did something, take your lumps (much like my son's GF, she got what she deserved, unfortunately). On the other hand, if you don't do anything, then no punishment should be given.</p>
<p>Another example at almost every college we looked at. When someone pulls the fire alarm on your floor, or breaks the common area furniture, or a host of other offenses, if the guilty party does not turn themselves in, it's a $25 or $50 fine for all residents, even if you aren't there. Even if you are traveling on a sports team in another state at the time! The college is too lazy to sort it out, so they rely on the kids policing each other.</p>
<p>
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I don't think that expecting a student to walk out of the room or evern - - heaven forbing - - to go to the library is unreasonable.
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</p>
<p>$10K+ per year for a dorm room and you aren't even allowed to sit at your own desk and study? A young woman has to flee into the night because someone else chooses to drink a beer?</p>
<p>I'm pragmatic. Don't do the crime if you can't do the time. Don't dooooit. And keep your eye on the sparrow.</p>
<p>The owner of the building where we rent was very reluctant to rent to my son because he's an undergraduate. They didn't want any undergrads in the building. So we arranged a meeting with the management company and went back and forth over terms and reached an agreement. There were eight units and ours was the only one occupied - they preferred to leave units empty rather than risk unruly tenants. They placed grad students and a single guy (non-student) in two of the other units after a semester. After the school year, they added a grad student with a senior. Then they filled in the rest of the units. For the first year, we kept the place spotless and that includes the common areas. This year, they've had to hire someone to clean the place. But they know that our son is neat and tidy as the place was spotless while he was the only tenant.</p>
<p>Sometimes individual behavior can cost the innocent. And I guess that's a lesson learned in college. Yes, even with these unfair rules. Unfortunately it seems that the head of many investment banks didn't learn that lesson. So the lessons in college are just a warmup for the $700 billion, and counting, cleanup of the guilty. Yes, it's too hard to sort it all out.</p>
<p>D is a freshman this year. At orientation in late June, the director or residence life spoke at great length to parents and students about the "new, strictly enforced" alcohol policy. Underage drinking, especially of hard liquor will not be tolerated and would be met with dire consequences. The "I just stepped into the room" excuse would not be accepted. If you are in a place where underage drinking is taking place, you will suffer the consequences, even if you are not a participant.
Flash forward to September. D's roommates, both drinkers, have been drunk every Thursday, Friday and Saturday night since arriving on campus. One Friday, D returns to room to find both roommates drinking alcohol in their room. D voices her displeasure, leaves and returns an hour later after they have gone. Room stinks and roomies have left the remnants of their party sitting on their desks. D spills remainder down the sink. Next week D goes out to dinner with friends and returns to room about 8pm intending to do homework and pack for an overnight trip. What does she find? Roomies and 3 of their friends partying in the room. Now D has to grab her books and retreat to the study lounge. Roomies habit is clearly impinging on D's right to use her own room!
D has spoken to roomies about the problem; the last time she told them in no uncertain terms to take their drinking elsewhere. Waiting to see what happens this weekend. Sadly, if the situation persists, D will have to apply for a room transfer. The kid following the rules will have to move in order to protect herself, and her scholarship, from the inconsiderate, illegal actions of her idiot roommates.</p>
<p>I agree that it is an unfair situation. I think your daughter was caught in a very unfortunate case as it is rare that a raid of this sort would happen and all members get into trouble like that at a college. It does happen all the time at boarding schools, and just being in the same room with alcohol or drugs can get you thrown out or at least some disciplinary action. I did not think it would be this way at college. </p>
<p>Being 21 is not protection either. Older kids can get into a lot of trouble if there are under age drinkers in the room. As a poster said, usually what happens is that many proclaim innocence and ignorance.</p>
<p>I would go up there and talk to the dean of students and get to the quick of the matter. Yeah, I know most parents will say that it is your D that should do it, but I have found that this sort of BS often comes to a much quicker end if a parent gets involved. I will be panned for this, but I think it 's just not a good use of time for the student, and they will put all kinds of roadblocks in his/her way to get this quickly resolved whereas, for a parent, a clear pathway can much more quickly be shown. My kids have gotten into several kinds of trouble, and I have sometimes gotten involved, and sometimes not. I have learned that in cases where they are truly innocent and unlucky, it gets things taken care of a lot quicker to go in there and with less consequence. The kids tend to get tired of dealing with things and sometimes let it go. My kids have been in more trouble for not dealing with simple things than for the the episodes themselves, and sometimes gotten into trouble for literallly doing nothing. Yes, they do have to learn from their mistakes, but sometimes the consequence is more than you want to pay. YOU have to decide when it is worthwhile to get involved.</p>
<p>Peachy, she had better let the RA know of her situation or she may get caught in a situation like the OP's D. It does happen. The question then will be why she did not report all of this if she did not condone it.</p>
<p>I nearly left a housing situation many years ago over pot. I made it very clear that there would be no usage or even storage of the stuff, in our place. My dear friend, and roommate, brought over people who had the goods on them. I made it clear that if I even got a figurative whiff of the stuff, I was out of there. It did not cost me any friends or popularity. I never stuck around any place where there were drugs around. Now if I literally walked into a place, and it got raided before I knew what was happening, I could have been caught and it seems like that is sort of what happened with OP's D. But I did not bother with constant haranguing and I would have left or reported the situation if a very clear disregard for my requests was shown, no matter who was involved.</p>
<p>People may laugh, but whenever we visited a campus I always asked, "What's school's policy on drinking?Are there many violations due to drinking?" I advised my daughter not to apply to any school that's going to allow local police on to its campus, and if they had tough drinking rules. It is not because I wanted my daughter to drink excessively in college, but it's this type of nonsense that I didn't want to deal with.</p>
<p>Friends of ours felt the same way. They know there is universally drinking and they did not want their D caught in a situation where there is a crackdown where she would get caught on the fringes as OP's D did. I understand that, as I have had a few issues where my kids were caught in association instead of actual doing, and it got awfully sticky. Worse than they were doing in some ways.</p>
<p>Cptofthehouse, D has spoken to the RA about how to change rooms. Gave her a very nonspecific idea of the situation. I think the RA got the hint cause she keeps asking D if things have improved. But from what I understand these kids have to be caught red handed with the actual alcohol. And alhough D hates the situation, she doesn't want to report the drinking.... what kid wants to be known as the snitch? I'm sure the RA would keep it confidential, but kids would most likely figure it out</p>
<p>That's good, Peachy. At least there is an awareness of the problem. Colleges hate to let kids change rooms because there is such a clamor for switches. By ignoring the first, second requests, they avoid a lot of work. This is where parental intervention can speed things up.</p>
<p>"Your son may be very aggressive and willing to take the repurcussions of such a move. But expecting every student to be willing or able to police the drinking habits of every other student in the dormitory is unreasonable."</p>
<p>S actually is a bit on the shy side. Before he went to college, we discussed how he'd handle drinking in his room. What inspired our discussion were two things: pictures S found of his assigned roommates (who were sophs) showing them drinking in what appeared to be a dorm, and posts on CC about students who had run into problems due their roommates or their own drinking.</p>
<p>Then, during freshmen and parents orientation, both of us learned that S could lose his merit aid if alcohol was found in his room.</p>
<p>Consequently, the only rule that S set for his room was that his roommates do their drinking and keep their alcohol elsewhere. It was very hard for him to do this, but he did it virtually when he met his roommates.</p>
<p>The downside of this was that one of his roommates was a complete slob whose nasty, stinky clothes were strewn over the room. The same guy would have sex in the room while S was there trying to sleep. S never addressed those issues since he felt that his roommates had already conceded a lot by not drinking in the room. </p>
<p>But the roommates did adhere to the one rule that S insisted on: keeping the booze out.</p>
<p>And this year, S has roommates whose idea of a fun party is real fun without booze. Seems to be working as they hosted had an 11-hour party for 25 people in their two-bedroom dorm apartment last week.</p>
<p>"Another example at almost every college we looked at. When someone pulls the fire alarm on your floor, or breaks the common area furniture, or a host of other offenses, if the guilty party does not turn themselves in, it's a $25 or $50 fine for all residents, even if you aren't there. Even if you are traveling on a sports team in another state at the time! The college is too lazy to sort it out, so they rely on the kids policing each other."</p>
<p>It's not a matter of the college's being too lazy. How exactly is the college supposed to find the students who vandalize the dorms? Unfortunately, it's not easy to find such rule breakers.</p>
<p>As a result, good kids like my own S had to pay $60 apiece for the vandalization that was done in his dorm, vandalization that probably was done by drunken rich kids who don't care about the fines.</p>
<p>Yes, I think it's unfair, but I can't think of any other way for the college to handle things like this.</p>
<p>Meanwhile, it's unlikely S will get such an assessment again because this year, he's living in a wonderful dorm in which one has to have a decent gpa and have no campus infractions in order to be in residence there.</p>
<p>Good for your son, NSM! I am ever so heartened when I read these things.</p>
<p>Heron, it's a first offense and your D will be reprimanded accordingly. Colleges these days have HUGE alcohol issues they are trying to deal with. I have to say...I commend the RAs for not turning a blind eye. I would encourage your D next time to go to the RA and say that there is alcohol in her room and she is unable to go there because she does not want to be sanctioned (again). She shouldn't have to be exiled to the dorm lounge while others are breaking the rules.</p>
<p>S2 was also 'guilty by association'. His suite mates were drinking beer in the common room one weekend and he was out-of-town that weekend, but he had the same consequence as the others.</p>
<p>Avoidingwork, that one should be fought unless there is much more to that story.</p>
<p>cptofthehouse, I do plan to get involved. A kid leaves her room to get AWAY from drinking, enters another room, and gets busted for being there, everyone agrees that she was NOT drinking (even the interviewer whoever that was), and she just got a letter saying that she is "guilty of violating the alcohol policy." </p>
<p>So basically before a kid can safely enter any room in the dorm, she has to first quiz the occupants about the presence of booze. If she comes home to her suite and her roommates are drinking, she has to leave. Great way to live. </p>
<p>I agree that if it's official policy, she is technically guilty. But the policy is ridiculous and I do intend to challenge this.</p>
<p>I would do the same, Heron.</p>
<p>Heron, unfortunately I don't have suggestions, but I do agree with you.</p>