<p>Do people really make those generalizations about substance-free dorm residents?</p>
<p>I'm looking at substance-free housing and it's a 100% personal choice, and none from my parents.</p>
<p>"VERY. She can sip a beer or two most of the night and nobody will say anything as long as she's got one in her hand. And she can still have fun."</p>
<p>Why would other students care whether or not she is drinking at a party? I don't understand the pressure to have to drink to fit in.</p>
<p>no one is forcing them to drink...some people just feel the need to fit in and do what everyone else is doing so they force themselves to follow</p>
<p>From the poster's quote that I posted in #22, it seems that some people at parties do feel that other people's decisions not to drink are their business. What I don't understand is why people at a party would care if others drink. I can understand people caring about others' looks, personality, way of dressing, and hygiene. I don't understand why to fit in at parties, a person would have to sip or carry an alcoholic beverage.</p>
<p>Northstarmom - maybe they don't want someone to offer them a drink, explain that they don't, and then be judged (for not drinking)? I think a lot of this is perception only (I don't think I know anyone who drinks who cares about their friend's not drinking, regardless of why they chose to abstain), but I can understand not wanting to draw attention with yourself - especially if you're a freshmen and want to "fit in".</p>
<p>Then perhaps the solution is carrying around a glass with something in it -- coudl be water, could be soda. If you're drinking something, probably no one is going to offer you something else to drink.</p>
<p>I doubt it would be necessary for a nondrinker to carry around a beer and sip from it now and then as the person whom I quoted suggested.</p>
<p>I'd think that if a nondrinker needed to do something like that to fit in, they'd probably be happier socializing with a different group of people.</p>
<p>Maybe everyone knows this: But keep your drink in your own hands. Don't leave your drink and come back to it. Don't take drinks from things like punch bowls. Don't accept open drinks from others.</p>
<p>There are many people -- including males -- who have gotten raped or otherwise sexually molested because someone slipped a drug into their drink.</p>
<p>Sorry Northstarmom, I thought you were quoting a post which I now realize is in another forum on the same topic. They all start to run together after a while. I'm confused too as to why someone would feel the need to drink a beer to fit in (the poster I thought you were referring to on the other Lehigh thread carried around a bottle of water at parties, if I remember correctly).</p>
<p>Regardless, I don't think you should feel pressure to carry around anything at parties, alcohol, water or otherwise. If you feel like your friends are pressuring you to do things you're uncomfortable with and think you need to "hide things" from them, I think your advice that "they'd probably be happier socializing with a different group of people" stands.</p>
<p>"I'd think that if a nondrinker needed to do something like that to fit in, they'd probably be happier socializing with a different group of people."</p>
<p>This. If you don't want to drink and don't want to feel any pressure to drink don't hang around people that are drinking. There are plenty of like-minded people who you can have a good, sober time with.</p>
<p>"Maybe everyone knows this: But keep your drink in your own hands. Don't leave your drink and come back to it. Don't take drinks from things like punch bowls. Don't accept open drinks from others."</p>
<p>Also this. Bad things happen, so you must take steps to protect yourself, like the above and making sure you've got a friend who can get you out of there if things go south. ESPECIALLY if you're a girl.</p>
<p>My question, and I'm surprised nobody has asked this, is: Are you SURE your daughter isn't a party girl? Now, if she never goes out and spends all of her nights reading or sleeping, then I'm sure you're right, but many daughters are adept at fooling their parents into thinking they're not a party animal when they are. If she's already got two party schools on her list, maybe she's PLANNING on going to a party school and partying herself. Has she asked you what to do if everyone's partying, or is this something you think she'll be concerned with?</p>
<p>everybody has a lil party animal and them, and it comes out pretty quickly when mom and dad leave them hours from home with thousands of other kids their age who have easy access to alcohol and want to have fun. especially when everybody leaves their high school image behind and starts over without having to live up to any certain reputation.</p>
<p><em>back to school in 10 days</em> woooo</p>
<p>EcilaSrennah asks "My question, and I'm surprised nobody has asked this, is: Are you SURE your daughter isn't a party girl?"</p>
<p>No, of course I am not <strong>sure</strong> but I do feel I know her pretty well. The fact that her decision making process has been affected by this issue also gives me reason to be fairly sure. As I stated in the OP, I am not naive, and do not expect that she will never drink. Do I think campus drinking per se is "BAD"? No. Do I want to make sure that she has opportunities for involvement which don't include drinking? Of course.</p>
<p>Have any of you had this same concern? How much of the social life REVOLVES around drinking? </p>
<p>yesss.. i didn't drink at all until college. i decided to try it and had fun. but the first few months of college i didn't drink at all and had plenty of fun. my school plans a lot of fun events that don't revolve around drinking. even still i am now a junior and still partake in lots of events that don't involve drinking like bingo nights, trips to NYC, going to broadway shows, hershey park.. the student activities office does a great job with planning fun events</p>
<p>Are the kids who choose not to drink ostracized? Is it possible to attend parties and not get sloppy drunk?</p>
<p>not at all!! plenty of people i know don't drink or drink a little and don't get drunk. people at my school don't mind if you don't drink you are still welcome to hang out at parties and all. some people might not drink sometimes too if you have class or an obligation the next day.</p>
<p>hope this helps :) best of luck to your daughter!</p>