<p>My son is a freshman in a top tier BS school. Although I am prepared to run into this, but I was not ready to hear this within a couple of months after school started.</p>
<p>According to what I heard, it seems an open secrete that a few kids, including freshmen, are using drugs of some sort, one kid on his team even was high at a sport practice, everyone noticed, not sure where the coach was. Is there some kind of drink can get you high? The students ordered it online and had it shipped to his dorm.</p>
<p>A junior student told my son that in his class, only 4 students (out of 40-50 boys), had not experienced smoking, drinking, or others. </p>
<p>I am now wondering if such problem is worse in BS than day schools. My younger child is wilder, may be I should reconsider where I wanted to send him to.</p>
<p>My son attends Hotchkiss. I don’t know if there is a drug or alcohol problem or not at this school. I do know, however, that the school has a zero tolerance policy here. If you drink or do drugs and the school discovers such use, you are out. Period. With such an unforgiving policy, I would be surprised (shocked?) if there is an alcohol/drug problem at Hotchkiss. Still, I guess you never really know for sure.</p>
<p>No idea. Staid, goody-two shoes parent, here. However, your son also told you,
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<p>That doesn’t sound quite right to me. All mail at my child’s BS arrives at the front desk. Are you sure it’s possible to ship a package directly to the dorm? We live in the same state. We have ordered wine online. My husband and I must always show I.D. to accept the shipment. I can’t see a dorm parent signing for a package from “drinks that get you high, inc.” </p>
<p>Could the older students be misleading your son? I’m not denying that there could be a problem. If you have concerns, you should raise them with the Dean of Students at your son’s school.</p>
<p>These are teens and I am sure every school has some who drink/take drugs. We were surprised that our S mentioned it his first year too–seems like in a small environment they know who’s doing what. The school was also upfront about the actions it took when there were several kids kicked out last year for getting caught pot smoking. I think it is really great your S is talking about it–I remind mine that the consequences are not worth it (zero tolerance school: getting caught = no more BS) and hope he has the judgment to get through high school unscafed.</p>
<p>There is a drink that has been in the news which evidently can be dangerous. I forget the name of it but it is basically an energy drink with alcohol in it. I don’t know about getting it shipped online, particularly to minors. My son attends bs and kids are routinely dismissed for all sorts of infractions; I can’t imagine kids would be taking chances like this in droves.</p>
<p>It’s not as widespread at BS as people think - but can be similar to what’s been “hidden” at local private schools.</p>
<p>Also depends on the kids. The world’s perception that it’s the FA kids or the urban kids is wrong. There are many kids from well-heeled families who have every advantage but often represent the most difficult discipline problems. The financial mismanagement, the promiscuity, the drugs, the acting out. Sometimes, they didn’t initiate the process to be at boarding school - it’s a family decision or expectation. Hence the teenage nature to rebel is amplified when they’re away from home.</p>
<p>Still, it’s a small percentage of the campus and if you’ve raised good kids they know to avoid being tangled up in it.</p>
<p>I remember somewhere (perhaps on this board) someone told the story of a group of students who pooled their money so one of them could go to South America over a break and bring back drugs the students intended to sell at a profit. (I’m still marveling over that one). They were all kicked out.</p>
<p>My oldest went to an old-established, old money all girl’s school. It was local and the problems just as prevalent. But still - limited to a narrow subset (have some horror stories too long to post here - sigh). Kids who got little attention from parents but had hundred dollar bills in their wallets and drove jags. Kids who traded their prescriptions meds with their friends. Or lied about sleeping at a friends so they could sneak out and drink with college boys (4 were date raped in the first month). And in one shocking instance I attended a luncheon for mothers and heard a parent tell of her daughter sneaking off with college freshmen, getting drunk, and passing out. The parents finally found her after an extensive search when she didn’t return at midnight. She couldn’t even remember where she left the car. Other mothers in the group said “it’s okay. The boys were only a few years older.” I took some of those girls on an extended Girl Scout trip and I can tell you that my own experience is just as horrible. The girl’s dealing with divorced parents who treat them like political footballs, the lack of discipline, the neediness, the inability to think or do for themselves (everything had been done for them). It represented about 25% of the contingent and yet they consumed 99% of my time. They seemed so “sweet” during the interview and on paper. Once on the road I got the “alternate” version.</p>
<p>Many people putting their children in BS or private school didn’t do a hands-on job of raising their children. They’re lucky a BS is attempting to do it for them. </p>
<p>The advantage of BS is that it’s such a small community not much is secret for very long.</p>
<p>i begin with a caveat: each of us really has limited knowledge and exposure to this issue. beyond that, we believe that drug use at the top prep schools is well below what it is in most public schools, well below in this case meaning perhaps 7-10x less. from what we’ve heard, and this is only hearsay, the prep schools with the most drug use are the formerly blue blood schools, schools in the st. grottlesex group. this is only hearsay, but it’s from people with first-hand exposure to those situations.</p>
<p>I just today received a notice from d’s school that they are actively following up on some recently identified drug and alcohol issues and have found at least 20 students who have violated school rules. It does happen and the schools do take it seriously. As for prevalence compared to other schools, I don’t really know. But at least at d’s school, I’m confident that if there is a problem and they find out about it, the school will definitely address it. I just have to hope that my d has the smarts to stay out of trouble.</p>
<p>Even well raised kids can use drugs/alcohol due to experimentation and peer pressure. If your kid is talking to you about usage at school, I am guessing s/he is not using. My impression is that alcohol/drug usage/sex goes on at the schools at rates that would surprise (shock even) parents. I base this on conversations I have had with my d and the nonchalant way she talks about the rumors of kids using substances. I agree that it seems to be a small subset of the kids doing this regularly and other students know who they are and can choose to steer clear or… Every parent should have frequent conversations with their bs kid about the consequences of using alcohol/drugs and then pray their still developing brains don’t override/forget/ignore what you have tried to drill into it. </p>
<p>Recently on the local news they talked about a substance, that I will not name, that turns ordinary juice into alcohol. The reporter tested the substance and over a week or two the alcohol content in the juice went from zero to about 20%. They even had a local vintner test the product and it was judged fair, albeit very acidic. It is legal to sell the product to kids, since it does not contain alcohol.</p>
<p>I don’t think that’s so–in general. Students live together at boarding schools. It’s very hard to keep a secret in such a setting. They know much more about each other, and they’re all gossips.</p>
<p>In my opinion, it’s much easier to “get away” with smoking, drinking, drugs, at home. By Junior year, most students in our town can drive. Many have a car at their disposal. Most have had a cell phone since middle school. Even if you are an attentive parent, some parents are not attentive. Teens looking for privacy can easily find it in suburbia’s empty houses and large lots. Even if parents find evidence of drug & alcohol use, they’re not likely to report it to the school. </p>
<p>By the way, in the boarding school setting, I don’t think the students had it delivered to the dorm by Fedex or UPS. I suspect the substance–if it exists at all–is more likely to have arrived on campus in a student’s backpack.</p>
<p>NO. I think you [and quite a few other people] need to understand that
a) boarding school settings mean that very, very little can stay secret- you will, eventually, hear about that kid that was high or that group of friends that got drunk that one saturday night.
b) what I’VE [me personally, with my own experiences and background] found is, on the contrary, that a smaller percentage of students engage in such activities at all, and almost never to the extent that I observed at my previous school [while a majority will likely have done things not even necessarily on campus, few have gotten as effed up as kids at my junior high did on weekends]</p>
<p>what I would like to say is that you don’t generally hear about any of these things at day or public schools because they happen off campus and aren’t news. it’s not worse at boarding schools [in fact, i’m willing to bet it’s actually loads better], you’re just hearing about it, and more [as opposed to none, i.e. a public school] is being punished. my personal opinions on these matters aside [i personally don’t think that some mild experimentation with substances is a huge danger for teenagers, i’m willing to bet YOU did it and turned out just fine], you have very, vERY little to fear, if you fear it.</p>
<p>I have to admit I’m not familiar with today’s boarding schools, but when I was in school (many decades ago), no one did anything without everyone knowing about it! I’ll qualify that a bit: the brand new freshmen who didn’t know everyone yet might have been out of the loop - but I guarantee you that the teachers weren’t! As Izzy Busy Bee says, it’s hard to keep a secret in a boarding school environment. The kids all live together. If something’s going on, sooner or later everyone’s going to know. And my money would be on sooner, rather than later.</p>
<p>No. They don’t institute drug tests as a norm. But having had children in both settings (local private, BS) and having friends on boards at schools I can say the problem is actually worse at local private schools than boarding schools. It’s amazing how parents can turn a blind eye to things going on in their own homes.</p>
<p>Private schools are very concerned about liability and tend to be closer “watchdogs” on all aspects of students lives. The close living situation and room checks makes it hard (not impossible but harder) for the problem to go forward with any type of frequency.</p>
<p>My sense is that drugs are present but limited. More limited, from what we can tell, than the local day schools or public schools. Some teenagers just do some pretty stupid things. A few have been kicked out at my D’s school this fall. Most kids, however, seem to understand the ramifications of that behavior. It is an intense environment and there very few secrets.</p>
<p>As someone at the beginning of the thread noted, we none of us can see the whole picture -but with that being said, my limited experience is that the boarding schools seem to have more confidence when it comes to enforcing the rules - whether its zero tolerance or probation, they’re responding. Day schools seem to have their hands tied - they can know about something going on, but unless the problem takes place during school hours, they can’t do much. My kid’s 10th grade class had 3 stomachs pumped last year (that I know of) - but it happened on the weekend, so no response from the school. Really wish the day schools could figure out the character-building part of education - seems like a hole in an otherwise good product.</p>
<p>In the spirit of discussion, I came across a theory the other day which seemed plausible. It’s from Family Matters, by Robert Evans. Please note that it’s written for schools, not parents; its subtitle reads, “How Schools can Cope with the Crisis in Childrearing.”</p>
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<p>The footnote to this paragraph refers to an article with the title, “Privileged but Pressured? A Study of Affluent Youth.” Some of the researchers’ work is available online at nih.gov, including <a href=“http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1950124/[/url]”>http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1950124/</a>. I’ve queued the articles for reading later. It seems these researchers are studying affluent, suburban youth. They aren’t focusing on children in prep schools, but the paragraph above could certainly describe some of the pressures many boarding school children feel. </p>
<p>I do not believe that the drug problem in boarding schools is worse than in day schools. Both types of schools appeal to affluent, achievement-oriented families. Suburban public schools in affluent towns do as well. If anything, fewer boarding school students may choose to use drugs or alcohol on campus, because the schools do suspend and expel students for drug or alcohol use.</p>
<p>I don’t know. It seems to me that kids with pressure parents would be under less pressure at boarding school. When they are away, they don’t have to face those parents every evening. It’s easy to forget how completely overbearing some parents are, with ridiculously high expectations for their kids. My son says that he knows kids whose parents expect them to get all As at Exeter. Can you imagine what it would be like to actually live with parents like that and face constant grilling? <em>shivers</em> I can see the self-medication that Periwinkle mentions as completely plausible for kids who feel like they have to live up to their parents’ expectations and that they have to constantly look to the next achievement instead of just enjoying the last.</p>
<p>I saw a part of a TV show that made fun of these parents. (I think it was Family Guy, but could be wrong. It was animated at least.) A young kid was sitting at his desk studying and the father opens the door and asks, “Are you a doctor yet?” </p>
<p>Remember, some parents have their kids’ entire educational track planned before they are born, from the exclusive preschool to Harvard Law. And it’s not just affluent parents. Poverty takes many forms.</p>