<p>Good points, but on one detail -
Not necessarily. Most likely, these parents are just “spoiled” by their children having been the best of the best all the time before Exeter. They were not necessarily more overbearing when their kids were getting all A’s back in middle schools. Given time, they’ll realize how to adjust their expectations just as their kids have to.</p>
<p>True, true, DAndrew. I hadn’t thought of that.</p>
<p>Neato, the paragraph I cited only mentions parents in “isolation from parents.” It doesn’t mention them as sources of pressure, although they certainly can be. I think it’s interesting that we jump to blame the parents. I think feeling a pressure to succeed can be self-generated. Some kids feel it, some kids don’t. When students choose to attend a boarding school, they’re choosing a motivated peer group. They lose the stress of classmates who don’t care about performance, but they gain the peers who do care.</p>
<p>It’s the combination of self-generated pressure and parent pressure that I think tips kids over the edge. A child doesn’t need physical distance to be isolated from their parents, either. When I read that sentence, I didn’t think about it literally; I thought about an emotional isolation. </p>
<p>I’m not having the most lucid day. Perhaps I should refrain from posting today! (Parents have stress too. 
)</p>
<p>As the parent of one of those “self-pressurized” kids, I think the line “isolated from parents” is key here. We and our friends who have competitive, achiever kids spend our time talking our kids down, not laying more pressure on. I’ll hypothesize that it’s kids who achieve to earn their parent’s approval or attention or love who might be most at risk. And I wonder, neato, how many of those kids say things like that about their parents to mask their own inner drive? </p>
<p>What bothers me most here is the belief that drugs and alcohol will reduce stress. I don’t ever remember thinking that–drugs and alcohol were about excitement and risk taking and rebellion and peer pressure, maybe… How does a hangover or an addiction decrease stress? Is this a cultural message? Or one we send as parents if we relax with a glass of wine after a long day at work?</p>
<p>Maybe you should just glance at this thread.
<a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/prep-school-admissions/1031050-drug-use-boarding-schools.html?highlight=drugs[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/prep-school-admissions/1031050-drug-use-boarding-schools.html?highlight=drugs</a></p>
<p>Yeah, it was that thread in combination with this one that really has me thinking about this whole stress=drug use thing. I’m just not sure I buy it. That is, I believe that the kids are stressed out, but I think both the stress and the alcohol/drug use stem from the same root, rather than the stress causing the use.</p>
<p>Good points made. Thanks for posting that paragraph, Periwinkle. I imagine there are probably multiple possible reasons for D&A use. There are kids who:</p>
<p>*turn to drugs (I include alcohol & nicotine as drugs in this list) as a way to ‘unwind’ (like classicalmama’s reference to seeing parents relaxing with a glass of wine); a way to ‘cope’ or escape from stress, or forget it for awhile</p>
<p>*use drugs to stay awake or as ‘study aids’</p>
<p>*use drugs to stay thin or suppress appetite (girls)</p>
<p>*try drugs based on peer pressure, trying to ‘be cool’ or fit in</p>
<p>*or as classicalmama says so well, “drugs and alcohol were about excitement and risk taking and rebellion”. </p>
<p>I’m sure there are other reasons that I am forgetting to include here.</p>
<p>Thanks for posting that link, musisat. I was so glad to see BlackIce speak out. Parents need to hear what he/she says. I think while the risks of D&A use at boarding school are huge, teens can have a sense of invincibility, and there may be an unwritten code that you don’t ‘narc’ on other students even if you know what is going on. There are also kids who don’t get exposed to the D&A use because others know they are not interested & might report them.</p>
<p>From what I have been told by kids involved, drugs often either come in from the day kids or the boarders returning after vacation. Or kids go off campus to parties where parents aren’t present. </p>
<p>What I worry about most is that addiction-prone kid who, due to genetics, gets caught in a spiral of increasing drug use while friends can either ‘just say no’ or limit use to experimentation.</p>