<p>RSBULETZ- I would like to thank you for your post as well. I think that to me, the way you handled the issue is how I would hope I would handle the issues. The questions in one of the articles is “My teen is acting strange, should I have them tested for drugs?”. To me, the word “strange” is what needs to be defined. My teen acts strange all the time. That is what teens do! I believe that a sudden change in his behavior would not lead me to think drugs before it would lead me to think of other stress/psychological problems first. But that is just me.</p>
<p>ProudMomofS I haven’t asked, but I will. Our 18 year olds can make their own decisions, but unfortunately we suffer some of the consequences of those decisions such as paying for the attorney if they’re under your roof. Or if they decide to have a party in your house and someone get hurt or killed. Two years ago I responded to a house party where an 18 year old friend of the kid who had the party, high on weed, fell and died. It was the kids decision to have the party, but mommy and daddy are the one’s getting sued.</p>
<p>You made my point exactly, parent1986. There are many factors to consider and many opinions on the pros/cons of over-the-counter, non-healthcare professional drug testing, and the decision should be made with all factors considered and on a case-by-case basis. Don’t recall why the AAP came out with a policy statement 4 years ago, but it may perhaps have been because at that time, when over-the-counter drug screens were becoming readilty available in the marketplace, perhaps many parents were jumping at the opportunity without considering the many more important issues like (a) accuracy/reliability of the then newly available tests, (b) ways kids learned to circumvent the tests, (c) failing to pursue the appropriate avenues for evaluation/treatment of potential substance dependence/abuse (these tests should not be in lieu of appropriate treatment), (d) effects on family dynamics, etc. My point in linking the next part of that site was to show the opposing views, and the potential benefits to prevent/avoid/address substance use/misuse, especially in minors. Not sure where the quote in your post above (#57) is from in that site, but it seems we can’t read any further on that particular site-- the link no longer seems to be working.</p>
<p>You are exactly right, gettingridofson. Even if our “kids” are of legal age, the consequences of their behaviors can land squarely in the parents laps. When my younger s had parties at the house (read the “post prom party” thread from 2007 for a good laugh), I was diligent/vigilant about the rules, as we were ultimately responsible for what happens in our home, and I do not care to be sued or to lose my professional license.</p>
<p>Two things though, at least 1986 can now see reasons why a parent might want to test a kid(re: post 10). It may be right or wrong to actually do so, but now it’s clear that reasons do exist. And further, 1986 may never have heard of drug testing a kid in school(re: post 16), but as proven by the article that 1986 posted, such things do occur.</p>
<p>BTW, didn’t realize you were in law enforcement, gettingridofson. As the OP, it makes even clearer sense that your first post had the tone it did, that parent1986 seemed to react to. If your s’s floormate had a pre-exisiting substance issue, and plans/agreements/contracts whatever were made between the parents and their son prior to his going to school, good for them for following up on it. Any update, as others have asked? Or do you perhaps not know, as it it a private matter.</p>
<p>@ younghoss - of course I was aware of drug testing by parents, and none of the information I’ve posted is new to me. I don’t believe it is beneficial.</p>
<p>1.You may think your child does not exhibit behavior requiring testing, but he may be abusing, undetected by you.</p>
<p>2.If drug testing is a constant threat, he will go to greater extremes to hide his drug/alcohol usage.</p>
<p>3.What discipline has the child developed when you are no longer able to test, either because he decides to refuse, leaves home, etc?</p>
<p>4.You are saying to your child you do not trust him, which will not help your relationship.</p>
<p>5.Experimenting is a normal part of growing up, and reacting to an isolated incident or several is not the best way to handle the behavior. Education, support and role modeling good behavior are more successful.</p>
<p>6.Role modeling includes not drinking in front of children (even wine) until they are adults and the theory that teaching your child to drink responsibly has been disproven.</p>
<p>7.Heavy handed disciplining techniques result in more unwanted behavior.</p>
<p>It is extremely unlikely that the floormate’s parents drove a longe distatnce to do a surprise drug screen because they were concerned about an isolated incident or sporatic experimentation. It is much more likely that the reality is he has had a substance use problem in the past, and that an agreement was made as part of the decison to allow him to go away to school that there would be random surprise drug screens, and that there were contingencies or consequences based on the results of these. Of course there are trust issues involved. The student/child has to earn back his parents trust if he has had an abuse history. No one is advocating that parents out of the blue show up on campus and spring a drug test on a kid (especially over 18) who has no history of problems with drus or alcohol.</p>
<p>Post #67 is a general comment, not in reference to the OP. As noted, that is unknown, second hand information conveyed by a police officer.</p>
<p>Post #48 the best I have read in days. Great post.</p>
<p>6.Role modeling includes not drinking in front of children (even wine) until they are adults and the theory that teaching your child to drink responsibly has been disproven.</p>
<p>Can you support this 1986? Or is this another redacted summary? If it was re-phrased to ‘not taking bong hits in front of your children’, I might have skipped right over it. But, not even having a glass of wine with dinner?? I think that might be pushing it.</p>
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<p>This was my thought also.</p>
<p>CDK, I had the same question. So I googled “drinking responsibiliy in front of children”. And every post that pulled up on the first 3 pages supported responsible drinking in front of children, and stated that it can model appropriate behavior. I did not see anything that said it was detrimental. In fact, a few said that hiding alcohol and having a dry home increased the odds of raising binge drinkers and alcoholics. So I would like to see the studies that say otherwise too. Thanks for bringing it up!</p>
<p>IIRC (from my memory of 28 day inpatient and aftercare intensive outpatient or partial hospitalization treatment when I used to do inpatient work) it was felt, to be supportive of a patient/family member in active recovery, and to aid/participate inteh treatment prodess, that initially the family follow the same program and not drink while the patient is in active recovery. Not drinking in front of a recovering alcoholic was not expected to be an ongoing “forever” type thing, as recovering alcoholics have to learn to deal with this- to be out socially with friends/family who do/can drink responsibly while they remain clean and sober.</p>
<p>**and continued apologies for my incessant typos!</p>
<p>Remember that, for those under drinking age, alcohol is an illegal drug, like marijuana is (in most places, anyway). Could merely being forbidden (especially since it is allowed to others, and socially accepted) increase the temptation for teenagers to use it, perhaps not in the most (otherwise) responsible way?</p>
<p>Probably about three fourths of “traditional” university students in the US are under drinking age. Is it realistic to believe that no more than one fourth of students in general (as opposed to special cases like BYU) drink even a sip of alcohol, which is an illegal drug to them?</p>
<p>Given that alcohol-related trouble is fairly common in university environments, are parents in general teaching their children well in terms of avoiding irresponsible alcohol use? Is making alcohol an illegal drug for many effective at stopping irresponsible alcohol use?</p>
<p>I am NOT in favor of parentally administered drug tests unless they given at the advice of a licensed professional, but I also do not support illicit drug use. I do not believe that pot is a gateway drug. However, I am in agreement with Post #35: You can never be sure of the purity of street drugs, and they can be adulterated with something harmful. Arguably, pot may be relatively benign. But what about the pesticides that could be sprayed on it, or (as in #35) the PCP? DH has a baby boomer high school friend who was a recreational drug user; we don’t know exactly what or how much or how often. Now, he is suffering from undiagnosed health problems that we are speculating might be from the residual damage of unknown adulterants or pesticides.</p>
<p>Please remind your kids that prospective employers can and do administer drug tests as a condition of employment. DD was given 48 hours to take a drug test for a low wage summer job. She was initially told that she wouldn’t have to take one this summer, but then she had to. Knowing this won’t protect her from alcohol abuse, but she has grown up seeing her parents drink responsibly, and is learning that going to the gym is a good way to relieve stress. . .</p>
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<p>I’d have to say that drug use by my child would damage the parent child relationship and actions by my child which would make me suspect drug use would be indicative of damage, too.</p>
<p>^^ Good point somemom.</p>
<p>Thank you for the clarification in your post 69, 1986.
Since your post 67 started of with “@younghoss”, and your posting contained a list of things using the phrasing “you” did this, “you” did that, etc., it certainly reads that you were speaking to me. Often when a person intends for general comments to appear after someone has specifically been addressed they separate it with a space and phrasing like “in general” or might say: “1. Parents might think their child…” rather than using “you”.
But in any case your meaning is now clear and I thank you for that.</p>
<p>On the issue teaching a child to drink responsibly(your item 6) has been disproven- when did that happen? You mean it has gone beyond the theory, belief, even beyond the dispute stage, and now there is proof, but I hadn’t heard? Like CDK, I am very interested in learning more. Would you please provide the link that backs up what you claim is now proven? Last I heard there were still differing opinions.</p>
<p>Younghoss - general comments, not directed at you. Take it anyway you want. </p>
<p>Any comments online should be taken as OPINIONS. If you and others are concerned about documentation, ask your health providers. I wouldn’t rely on googling for health care advice.</p>
<p>However, in general, health providers don’t recommend extreme behaviors because very few people are able to follow them.</p>