<p>My DS is a Jr. He is an excellent student (#1 in class), high test scores (made NMSF cutoff), good AP scores, accelerated in math, OK ECs blah blah blah .... but zero interest in looking at any college except the state flagship school. </p>
<p>I do not have a problem with him going to this school - it is strong in his areas of interest and may offer good merit aid to him. I have tried to get him to at least look at other schools and offered to take him to visit any school he even has the slightest maybe feeling about, but he refuses. His HSl offers trips to schools locally and on East coast and he won't even do that when it could just be a fun get away w/ peers. </p>
<p>Maybe this is his way of saying that he isn't quite ready to go too far away (he would be about 30 mins away if he went to state flagship)? He makes logical arguments: I already know I like the place, I already know the math dept and I like the profs there, I know my way around already, they are generous w/ AP credits, wouldn't have to worry about math credits xferring, cheaper, I can go somewhere else for grad school....</p>
<p>I feel a bit remiss just going along with this "plan", but I do not really want to force him to apply to other schools either. I don't doubt that he will get into the honors program of his beloved school, so I can't even argue that he can't put all his eggs in one basket.</p>
<p>Has anyone had this hyperfocus-on-one-school problem? What did you do? Did anyone have a child who had a similar attitude and you forced him/her to consider other places and he/she opened his/her mind?</p>
<p>Thanks for any advice or sharing experiences of how you dealt with similar circumstance.</p>
<p>If it’s a good school, he is eager to go there and you think he will definitely get in and it’s affordable, why are you so worried?</p>
<p>Sounds like he is happy with his decision. </p>
<p>And just because he will only be 30 minutes from home doesn’t mean that he will come home frequently or is afraid to venture farther. Just means that he likes the school and doesn’t feel a need to look elsewhere.</p>
<p>If it were an Ivy or top tier that only accepts a small percentage of applicants I would encourage him to apply to more schools. But since you are pretty sure he will be admitted, let it go for now. He’s only a junior; senior year you may want to encourage him to apply to a backup school just in case, but for now let him be.</p>
<p>I guess my concern is that I don’t want him to have any regrets. He has a history of hanging back wanting to know the lay of the land before he will try things and not wanting to try things where he doesn’t know what to expect - then regretting not having tried those things later or finally trying them when a friend was doing it and loving it and regretting he hadn’t done it earlier. </p>
<p>I’m not worried about him going to the school, I’m worried about the possible regret factor on both our parts - me for not pushing him to at least look at other schools and him for not considering other schools. Kids can have a school ranked #1 in their minds and then find that they actually like one of their backup schools better when they visit. Had they not at least considered other schools and visited, they never would have known.</p>
<p>Fwiw, 5 years ago I was a senior in high school and my parents could’ve written the same post about me. I was dead-set on a school from the start but people (mainly CCers) convinced me I was aiming too low and thus spent a LOT of time looking at other schools. It was pointless and I ended up applying to the one school, attending, and never had a single regret. Those schools could’ve been great for me, but I was only looking because I was “supposed to” and kind of felt bitter about it. YMMV. </p>
<p>MOST students go to their local schools. Even top students. If he likes this one, let it be. Comfort can be very important considering it’s where you’re going to spend the next ~4 years of your life.</p>
<p>Hey thanks, romani, for sharing your experience. I am glad to hear that you have no regrets. I agree that comfort is an important factor. Fwiw, I don’t care if he looks at more selective schools. I just wondered why he didn’t have any interest in checking out his options - even at other large universities or if this is not atypical.</p>
<p>Yes, what romani said is spot on. MOST students go to their local schools, and state flagships are more than respectable in almost every state. Plus, if he wants to study math, a big department is probably better than one that might be smaller (say, at a private university or liberal-arts college).</p>
<p>You can’t worry about possible regrets in advance. If he has any, they will become part of his pathway to adulthood. But he sounds like a smart, focused, and happy kid who is confident with his decision. Consider yourself lucky that you won’t have to deal with all the stress that plagues a lot of parents and students at this time.</p>
<p>ETA: I glanced through your other posts to see if you had named the school. UM-TC is fantastic and I can see why your son would want to go there. The math department is widely respected and he will have so many opportunities (sounds like he has already). One thing you might do is encourage him to seek out ways to broaden his horizons a little bit–i.e., look into study-abroad programs or activities outside his comfort zone. But of course, he has time and doesn’t need to do that right now.</p>
<p>He is a junior and may change his mind about applying to more than one by fall as his friends do their applications, but if he doesn’t there is absolutely nothing wrong with one and done. It’s not as unusual as you might think. Happens fairly often in the midwest.</p>
<p>One of my D’s friends did this last year. NMF, top student. Had only one school he wanted to look at. He is there now, and unhappy… says his classes are too easy and is having trouble finding friends who have broad interests & are “sparky” (very smart like he is). He is annoyed with himself now for having not looked further in his search. His parents were willing to pay for other options, too.</p>
<p>Can you ask him to apply to a few other schools he liked “on paper”? Maybe ask if he will look at the Fiske guide and pick a few out. Run the net price calculator to make sure you can afford them, then have him apply. If he gets in ask him to visit, and if he doesn’t like it/doesn’t want to attend, you will never mention it again. I asked D2 to keep a school on her list and do this, and she ended up deciding to attend after visiting for accepted student days.</p>
<p>My son only applied to one school, too. He just finished his first semester there and has announced that he wants to transfer. To his credit, he did look at several other schools before choosing the one school.</p>
<p>My first thought was, “be grateful.” But second thought was that he may not have the energy to look elsewhere. I tell my kids that good decisions usually enjoy choosing between options. I was just tell your son that you are grateful that he feels so sure and that he is making the selection process easy and affordable, but that for you to feel he is truly choosing, you would like him to look at at least one more school.</p>
<p>Your S is a junior. Moreover, you’ve pointed out that this kind of hanging back is a typical pattern of behavior for him. (As it is for many kids at that age.) A lot of maturation will happen quickly during the next few years, but IMHO it is a parent’s duty at this point to do some pushing to make sure a kid keeps his options open. </p>
<p>I would remain calm, but INSIST that he visit a few other schools. Just let him know that this is something you are going to do. Pick a couple–we can help-- and tell him he can add to the list. Or follow intparent’s plan, and have him apply to a couple of alternatives and visit if he gets in.</p>
<p>If it ends up that the flagship is his choice, fine. But he should be making an actual choice, if at all possible, not just sliding into a comfortable-to-a-16/17-yr-old extension of HS. I don’t find the argument that “lots of other kids do it” very convincing. Lots of other kids do all kinds of things.</p>
<p>I can understand this concern, as my son (and younger daughter) are also hangers back. Intparent’s suggestion is a good one. Negotiate with him. Tell him you’ll support his state application completely, and won’t force him to attend another school, but encourage him to apply to at least one more. I found that once his peers really got into the “college race” full stop…somewhere around Spring of Junior year…when all the talk started in earnest about where everyone is applying, my son caught some of their enthusiam and started to open up a bit about the various options. As others have said, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with a smart, talented kid going to a state school…but there’s also something to be said for having options.</p>
<p>My second d is a senior. She’s amazed that so many of her classmates have already deposited at a college. Well, they picked one of the big state schools. There’s really no fin aid to consider because scholarships are either automatic or nonexistent. The schools are reasonably affordable without it. </p>
<p>You’re talking about about a great school in a large metropolitan area. I can’t see there’d be any regrets or lost opportunities. However, intparent’s suggestion is a good one if you really think he has to apply to more. Find a couple that look good on paper. Maybe he’ll want to visit sometime during senior year if his friends are all talking about choices.</p>
<p>Since, as his HS stats indicate, he does not lack for motivation, I would step back, keep mouth shut and wait. Worst case scenario is he decides at the very last minute that he wants to apply to others. Even so, he could apply sight unseen and visit after he’s in and you know what the final costs will be. Mom, I would not make this hard on yourself. Don’t try to “give” him something which, at this time, he does not want.</p>
<p>I’m sure it’s hard 'cause you probably want to enjoy this time - the visiting, the speculating, the what-if’s" and to have such an accomplished student gives that many more choices. I understand the let-down.</p>
<p>You might do what some parents here do…require a couple of “parent picks”.</p>
<p>My younger son only wanted to apply to Bama (this was after declaring that there was no way that he’d go to his older brother’s univ). However, I still thought he should apply to more schools just in case he changed his mind. He ended up applying to 6 schools…but he did go to Bama. lol But at least during Spring of senior year he didn’t feel that he wasn’t given a choice.</p>
<p>he would be about 30 mins away if he went to state flagship)?</p>
<p>Frankly, I think that’s too close for a student who can go away to college. Maybe he thinks that’s close enough that mom can still do his laundry. ;)</p>
<p>My son also wanted to go to our flagship state university, which was 40 minutes from home and had a good program in his major. Part of the reason, I think, is that he was not emotionally ready to go far away into uncharted territory. The state university, where he couldn’t walk across the campus without seeing familiar faces, felt right to him then.</p>
<p>He went there, had a good academic experience, graduated with honors, and immediately moved to the opposite side of the country, to a place where he knew nobody. At 22, he was ready for that. At 18, he would not have been.</p>
<p>Going to one’s own state university is about the most normal, mainstream thing a young person can do. I wouldn’t take away this option just because the state university happens to be nearby.</p>
<p>Another thing you could do as a sort of compromise is just visit a few schools that are reasonably close by. You could knock off Carleton and St. Olaf in Northfield to give him a taste of liberal-arts colleges. If you plan a weekend trip to Chicago you could see Northwestern and University of Chicago. This way he could at least say he had seen a couple of good LACs and elite private universities, even if he doesn’t apply or ultimately adds other, more distant schools to the list.</p>
<p>It’s possible he just really isn’t ready to leave the Midwest. I know a number of high-achieving kids who have gone to the east or west coast for more prestigious universities (often under pressure from parents) only to return home to our state flagship after experiencing a bit of culture shock and not loving the highly competitive atmosphere. Again, just because a kid may have the stats for Ivies or other elite schools does not mean he/she wants that environment.</p>
<p>Those were precisely the schools I thought he should visit. I don’t know about the financial agreements between state schools in your region, but especially if he gets in-state rates UW Madison and U of Mich would be something to consider also. </p>
<p>Obviously, UMN-TC is a fine school, and not a bad choice, no matter what. It’s not like he is insisting on the local directional. (Which would be fine for some kids, but his stats indicate otherwise.)</p>
<p>MN has reciprocal tuition with WI but not MI. It is also part of the larger Midwest Tuition Exchange program but I don’t think there are many schools that would interest him on that list.</p>
I don’t know about the financial agreements between state schools in your region, but especially if he gets in-state rates UW Madison and U of Mich would be something to consider also. </p>