<p>I agree with what the others have said, you need a lawyer. They know the system. I am sorry you will have to incur this added bill at this time, but you cannot do this alone.</p>
<p>Cardinal…if you read my post, you’d see that I wrote…</p>
<p>* You need an attorney to manage this. Perhaps some kind of deal involving alcohol rehab or something. However, the goal shouldn’t be to erase this and then pretend it never happened. It sounds like this happened over the weekend. Did your son go to a party, drink excessively, and then attempt to drive home? If so, what is the plan for the future? How will he manage his social life to avoid such things happening again? Does he have a problem with alcohol (as a parent, you may not really know). You’ll have to look into all of this.
*</p>
<p>While I support getting an atty to prevent this from permanently damaging this child’s future, I stressed that it’s important that the OP find out about her son’s alcohol usage and possible addiction. However, I know someone with a DUI who was a rare drinker (and never drank again after the DUI.) I wouldn’t want someone who is not a problem drinker having their life ruined because of this. But, I would want a young person with a DUI to have to realize the enormity of this situation as a reason to NEVER drink and drive again.</p>
<hr>
<p>To the OP…</p>
<p>**Also, make your son sign a loan note to you that he will pay you back for any and all legal costs. ** Even if he only has to pay you $25 a month while in college, it will serve as a constant reminder. GET IT IN WRITING. No wiggle room. Also, let him know that **he’ll be financially responsible for the increases on his car insurance<a href=“that%20will%20likely%20be%20a%20biggie.”>/B</a></p>
<p>Mom2collegekids, </p>
<p>Good point that OP should have her son evaluated to see how serious his alcohol problem is. He may have gotten caught the first time he drove drunk, but let’s be honest-- he almost certainly had driven drunk before.</p>
<p>He is lucky that his first DUI didn’t involve an ambulance and a corpse. This is a big deal. I don’t want his life to be ruined by one mistake, but I also don’t want an innocent person’s life ruined if his mistakes continue. I’ve cried through the funeral of one young victim of a drunk driver; I hope never to do that again, and I hope no one reading this has to experience it.</p>
<p>I don’t know whether a gap year would be appropriate, but if it is, there is nothing, nothing wrong with entering college a year later. He would not be ruining his life by postponing college until he is more ready. Having a year to mature and deal with his alcohol problems might be a perfect solution for him.</p>
<p>For all of you quick to jump on this kid’s back, get real. In most states, people under 21 can get charged with DUI if their BAC is anything above 0.02%. This kid could have swigged listerine for all we know, or had one drink, and the law doesn’t care. </p>
<p>I agree that he should have to pay for his mistake, but not at the expense of his college career. Have him get a job to pay for his attorney (DUI’s can be very expensive), have him go see an alcohol counselor (his attorney will likely have him do this anyways), or whatever. Don’t disrupt his chance of living a normal life because of one mistake, though.</p>
<p>“I agree that he should have to pay for his mistake, but not at the expense of his college career”</p>
<p>No one has suggested that. Several – including I – have suggested that the alcohol issue needs to be assessed and addressed before he goes to college. If this means delaying college, that would be better than having him go off to college with an untreated alcohol problem.</p>
<p>A DUI at any age is a big deal and there is a lot you can do as a parent that would emphasize that without letting the legal system merit out the punishment. </p>
<p>First of all, you would be foolish not to have a lawyer in this case. Never, ever, ever go into court on a DUI without an attorney and not one of those who basically charge you a flat fee for DUI arrests. Basically, you will pay one way or another, but one is going to cost you a lot more. Second, get your kid to an assessment AND, if it were me, I’d definitely be getting the kid counseling, some sort of outpatient rehab, etc. which also shows the court that you were proactive and not reactive to whatever the court says. As a parent, I would make counseling mandatory, especially if it’s me paying the attorney. I would then make my kid pay the attorney fees off over time. I am just saying, there is more to this than college applications and you have to deal with what’s in front of you at the moment. </p>
<p>In our state, we have a zero tolerance for drinking and driving under the legal age limit meaning it results in a forfeiture of license until the age of 21. Not sure you could postpone a charge like this.</p>
<p>Beyond the fact that the kid drank and drove, he is also under 21 and obviously made a bad decision. Beyond the punishments of the court, it is your parental responsibility to lower the hammer regardless of how bad the kid feels in the moment.</p>
<p>I understand underaged drinking - not that I condone it - but I do not understand drinking and driving. It is absurd to think anyone should “get away” with it under ANY circumstances.</p>
<p>You should at the very least make some phone calls. Places you might get some good advice. You probably have some sort of local non-profit that counsels teens with drug and alcohol problems. Call and ask them for advice. Your community probably also has some sort of program for adults. In our community we have a Council on Drug and Alcohol Abuse. Your community should have something similar. They can give you advice. Call the local treatment center. These organizations have plenty of experience. They can give you a heads up as to what the best approach to take. Also you son is going to be getting plenty of mail from attorneys offering to represent him.
I know a couple of kids who got DUI’s as minors. I don’t know if they had attorneys. They both lost their DL for 1 yr. They and their parents were ordered to complete a local program on alcoholism education. I think in one case they also were required to attend a certain number of AA meetings. They also paid large fines.
I have another friend whose underage D is dealing with a DUI now. Her D found an attorney and hired him. She arranged a payment plan. She is paying it all on her own.
I also know a lot of kids who have gotten MIP and Drunk in Public tickets. In the case of a friend of mine her son was able to get a reduction in his charge by showing the judge that he was going to enter a treatment program. In the meantime the D is not driving, and her parents are not driving her. She is walking, taking the bus and riding a bike.
I think as a parent you can love and support your kid but we do them no favors if we try to shield them from the consequences of their actions. The result you want in the end is that your child gets the message that drinking and driving can have life changing consequences. Also if the child has a problem that they get help.</p>
<p>Get a lawyer, absolutely. Even a basic internet search will result in lawyers who specialize in underage DUIs and MIPs (first-hand knowledge).</p>
<p>My 20 yr old college student son received an MIP for underage drinking at an off-campus house party. Of the eight who were cited, 4 hired an attorney and had all charges dropped; my son plead guilty and had the choice of community service or a $400+ fine, and six months probation. We encouraged him to plead guilty and pay the consequences, and when the community service didn’t work out because of job, school and EC time commitments, he paid the fine. But afterward when he found out that there were other options, he really wished he had an attorney representing him. So do I. Not because I think he should have gotten off, but because it’s always better to have all the facts before making a decision that will significant affect one’s future.</p>
<p>I would not have him delay going to college. That might lead to too much free time and more drinking.</p>
<p>I would insist that he get alcohol treatment/counseling NOW (grad parties are coming!). I would make sure that he KNOWS that he is never to drink and drive (make sure you nor your spouse ever drink and drive - set a good example. Don’t order drinks at a restaurant and then drive home. Many kids see their parents do this! One drink is too many for driving.) </p>
<p>Find out if his college choice has a “safe ride home” program. many colleges now have this. A student can call 24 hours a day and get a “safe ride home.” If there isn’t such a thing, stress the need to call a taxi if needed.</p>
<p>I would insist that he go to school full-time AND have a part-time job (less free time).</p>
<p>I would make him repay you for any and all expenses associated with this situation; have him sign a loan to you with repayments detailed.</p>
<p>It also may be helpful to attend an Al-Anon meeting or to check out their on-line site. Al-Anon is a group for people whose lives have been affected by others’ alcohol use. The person whom one is concerned about needn’t be alcoholic for Al-anon to be helpful.</p>
<p>You can get good support and information there are there will be others who’ve encountered similar problems with their kids.</p>
<p>[Al-Anon</a> and Alateen](<a href=“http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/newcomer.html]Al-Anon”>http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/newcomer.html)</p>
<p>Our kids should also know that they can call us to come pick them up if they have been drinking or if the driver they are with has been drinking. As someone pointed out even one drink is a DUI for someone under 21. Many teens drive home because they have to be home and don’t want their parents to know they have been partying. I also once went to hear a speaker who suggested that teens have money for a taxi home or that there be a cup in the cupboard with money for a teen to pay a taxi if needed. No questions asked.
I know my college age son and his friends split he cost of a cab or have someone who is not going to drink be the driver.</p>
<p>^^^</p>
<p>I agree with the idea of always having taxi money available - no questions asked. No one should attempt to drive home to cover up a night of drinking.</p>
<p>Mom60, that is a really good idea. I pray that my kids never get behind a wheel with a few drinks in them underage or of age, no one should drive if they have been drinking. I hope my kids understand that we would come and get them any day, any time, rather than have them start a car if they have been drinking. The taxi money in the cup is a really wonderful idea and I’m going to do that pronto. I would never want my kids to think we were giving them the straight story about being willing to go get them, and the money in the cup puts “money where our mouths are” so to speak about the seriousness. My oldest just turned 21 this yer and this will be his first trip “home” as a legal adult and I’ve been concerned about the potential for drinking and driving since he can’t “walk” anywhere here to socialize, so the “money in the cup” also adds credence to the conversation that we will be having when he arrives home for the holidays and asks to borrow one of the cars since he’s flying home.</p>
<p>Here in Massachusetts, 17 is considered an adult for criminal purposes. You should check on that in California - being 17 may be no protection for keeping something off his permanent record.</p>
<p>Also, I agree that he needs a lawyer. If you can’t afford it, HE will have to pay for it - out of his savings for college or whatever - maybe with the money he’ll save by not paying for car insurance while his license is revoked. I don’t think this one mistake should ruin him for life, but if he did the crime, he should do the time - or in this case literally PAY for his mistake. It will remind him not to do it in the future. Not having a lawyer can be a LOT more expensive than having one.</p>
<p>" If you can’t afford it, HE will have to pay for it - out of his savings for college or whatever - maybe with the money he’ll save by not paying for car insurance while his license is revoked."</p>
<p>Even if you can afford it, he should pay for it even if that means your loaning him the money, and his paying you back over a period of time.</p>
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</p>
<p>Thank you. I was beginning to think I had missed a few posts! I missed the part where we were told that this kid has an alcohol abuse problem and was driving drunk and endangering the world! </p>
<p>I would guess that most adults I know have, unfortunately, driven a vehicle with a blood alcohol level above the legal limit- myself included. It doesn’t take much. I’m not saying it’s OK, but anyone who has gone to happy hour for a beer or two after work has probably been guilty of this- especially a smaller person.</p>
<p>This kid screwed up. So far even my own WildChild (knocking on wood) has figured out NOT to EVER drink and drive. The consequences are simply too great. This is a serious charge and it requires a lawyer. NOT OPTIONAL. However, we have no indication that the kid routinely abuses alcohol or that the parent needs to go to AlAnon. For all we know, the kid was driving because he was with someone who was even MORE impaired. We don’t have all the facts.</p>
<p>These threads disgust me- a kid makes a mistake and the same old posters come out of the woodwork ready to throw him in the slammer. It needs to be addressed- in multiple ways- but minimizing the legal consequences is a priority and SHOULD be a priority. It’s what most of us would do for our kid- especially those of us who aren’t perfect and don’t have perfect kids.</p>
<p>“However, we have no indication that the kid routinely abuses alcohol or that the parent needs to go to AlAnon. For all we know, the kid was driving because he was with someone who was even MORE impaired. We don’t have all the facts.”</p>
<p>That’s true. That’s why some of us have suggested that the parent try to get the facts including by having the kid assessed by a professional experienced in assessing people for possible substance abuse.</p>
<p>And, as I mentioned before, Al-anon is for anyone whose life has been affected by another’s alcohol use. Obviously, since the parent is stressed and worried by their child’s DUI, the parent’s life has been affected negatively by their offspring’s drinking. Attending Al-Anon is not an acknowledgment that one’s loved one is an alcoholic. </p>
<p>Going to Al-Anon could help the parent get support as well as learn from the experiences of others who have been in this situation.</p>
<p>Most people who drive under the influence are not caught. Odds are that a person who is caught for DUI has done it many times before. That’s why the parent should take seriously this occurrence and do everything possible to see if her kid has a problem. If the young man has a problem, this may be the parent’s best opportunity to intervene.</p>
<p>If this really was something minor (though I don’t think that any DUI is minor), then the parent wouldn’t have harmed anyone by taking the situation seriously, gathering information, and having the young man assessed for possible alcohol problems.</p>
<p>Soon the young man will be in college, and the parent won’t have the oversight and information that the parent has now.</p>
<p>Getting a loan note in writing can help teach a lesson too. It can make it appear the parent is serious that the child should have to pay the costs. I don’t think there is any real, legal reason to get such a note however. Since the child is 17 I don’t think he can legally be bound by any contract he signs.</p>
<p>I have confidence in the law in this case, that if the kid has only swigged some Listerine, he’d not only have some very clean smelling breath, but he’s probably also not guilty of DUI. Based on the Op’s wording that the kid "knows what he’s done, I doubt that it was just Listerine. Had it been just Listerine, the Op would have been far more likely to have said S was wrongfully charged with DUI when he had only been gargling. The words and context of the Op strongly suggest there was some degree of consuming alcohol for this 17 yr old. And let’s remember if this action and the legal consequences should disrupt his life- it isn’t <em>the law</em> being unfair; it isn’t <em>a parent</em> being unfair. It is a disruption he has created for himself because of his actions.</p>
<p>Like NSM, I haven’t read anyone saying he doesn’t deserve college. Some have said it may be harder to be accepted now, and harder still if he is convicted. Some have expressed that a 17 yr old drinking and driving may not be ready for college. No one has expressed that he should attend college as a career. Some have expressed that it might be best to postpone college a yr.</p>
<p>A current super-star student/athlete at an Ivy (not my son’s school) was expelled from one of the top prep boarding schools in December of his senior year and in the middle of his college recruiting visits for MIP arrest and violation of the school’s alcohol policy. He was taken in by another boarding school after the 2nd school did a thorough investigation into the boy’s overall character and record. He was a model student and citizen and there was never any suggestion that he wasn’t ready for college. </p>
<p>I have no doubt that the OP’s son was drinking. Was it 2 beers or was he weaving all over the road? We don’t know. A 17 year old drinking is not exactly news since probably 80% of them drink. I have talked to a number of folks in college admissions who deal with disciplinary infractions and none of them even blink at an alcohol offense. A DUI is more serious, of course, but there is a difference between going the wrong way on the interstate and perhaps being stopped for a taillight problem and the officer deciding to do a BA level test.</p>
<p>To remind everyone how serious DUI can be. I have 2 friends who in separate incidents lost their college student children because the students – who were not under the influence – were driving cars that were hit by drunk drivers.</p>
<p>In my community is a man whose legs were burned off in a drunk driving accident when he was driving drunk as a teen. Sadly, when the accident happened, many people --including grown adults – expressed the sentiment that drunk driving was something to expect teens to do.</p>
<p>I personally would not allow an offspring to drive for a long time after being caught DUI. I also would be carefully evaluating whether the offspring was mature enough to live away from home and attend an out of town college next year.</p>
<p>I’d much rather be cautious on something like this than to have my child lose their life or cause someone else to lose their life due to my offspring’s drunk driving.</p>