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The pricey LAC your son attended would not likely have waited if he had bombed his first try at local schools, but the local school we have here does not require any applications to enter, and cost and part time studies are available.
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Well, in our case the top state U's were no longer open either -- I think that's a mistake I made, assuming he could always transfer back into the UC system. But the UC system looks askance at out-of-state transfers, in part because they have to guarantee spots for in-state kids coming out of the community colleges. </p>
<p>In hindsight, my son was accepted to a lower ranked west coast LAC that offered very generous financial aid -- it actually would have cost less out of pocket than attending a UC -- and might have been the better option for him. He did not particularly like it when he visited, in part because of the partying he saw going on in the dorm - but did say at the time that he could see himself there if that was his only option. But later on, it was on the top of his list as a transfer college -- only at that point, the merit aid offer was gone and I doubt he would have attended even if admitted.</p>
<p>It's hard to do too much second-guessing of the past, because if my son hadn't ended up at the CSU, then he wouldn't have the congressional internship he has now, which is actually a very prestigious award and available only to CSU students. And that wasn't even on his radar screen when he applied as a transfer. So you never know. Sometimes life is a matter of being at the right place at the right time.</p>
<p>You know, Calmom, for many of the kids, it is time that they need before they can settle down and grow up. Some cross a line while they are getting there and flunk out or leave their college, whereas through the grace of God, others just eke through. It can be that close. In hindsight, there are a number of things I would change in my life, but when it comes to certain decisions, it was the right choice or there was no right choice, just a matter of what side of the statistics you land on.</p>
<p>It warms my heart more than you would know when I hear stories like that of your son or Northstarmom's son. It shows that these kids can grow up even when they go through a period of time when you really wonder if they are ever going to be independent. Congrats to your son for his achievements after a bumpy start. In many ways having a rough experience can educate a person far more than a smooth one.</p>
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even when they go through a period of time when you really wonder if they are ever going to be independent
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Actually, I didn't have to worry very long about that... since I made it crystal clear to my son at age 20 that he was not going to be allowed to remain living at home unless he was either attending school or employed. He was living on his own and financially independent well before most of his peers. I've actually seen my friends with kids who are doing well in college struggle more with that concern -- when their kids graduate without a job or a clear direction in their lives, coupled with a liberal arts degree that doesn't seem to be all that much help -- and return from college to resume residence in their old bedroom. (I've had my son back from time to time, but never more than 2 months). </p>
<p>The one thing I haven't worried about at all is my son's ability to support himself -- which is one more reason I think a gap year can be a huge help. My son's resume of work experience is terrific. He actually had to turn down a very attractive job offer in order to return to school -- and (on my advice) he didn't make the decision of work vs. school when he returned until the very last minute. </p>
<p>That's why I feel that parents should not be afraid of a gap year. We all want our kids to get a college education, but on-the-job experience can be a very important component of that education, even if it all takes longer than originally planned to come together.</p>
<p>I, too, have seen kids here graduate from some fine schools, move back home, work at a menial job that does not pay enough to be independent, and become too comfortable in the situation. Work their 8 hours and then party at night, sleep the rest of the time and stay stagnant for a year or so. Nothing wrong with starting out that way, but when they get stuck in mud, it does stress the family out. It makes for a tough situation because who wants to throw their kid out the door? There are also successful college grads still being heavily subsidized financially by parents because they live in a city on a salary that cannot support rent in a decent neighborhood. </p>
<p>It sounds like your son is doing just fine. He just did not like that first college, and preferred another route through these years. It's tough when a kid really doesn't know what to do and is not as intrepid as your son is.</p>
<p>My two cents.... RPI is a poor choice for this kid. In our experience, places like RPI attract a high number of kids who are MIT/Princeton/Cornell engineering quality but who need merit aid. Not saying your kid isn't smart as all get out... but these are kids who have been busting their butts through HS, applying for every single local scholarship and writing stupid essays for the local rotary and garden club, jumping through hoops and "following the rules," hoping against hope that they can make the finances work at the need only schools. Sometimes they can... and sometimes they take a merit package at RPI or an equivalent and know that after busting their butts in undergrad, they'll graduate debt free.</p>
<p>I'm sure your son is smart and hard working, but if you haven't seen HS light a fire under him, sticking him in a tough school surrounded by super- motivated, burn the midnight oil types sounds like a not- optimal choice. You don't get points for being a creative slacker at a place like RPI.</p>
<p>I think it's great that you are so affirming of his work habits and can recognize what makes him a special kid. However, we all end up in the real world.... the IRS, future employers, banks evaluating our mortgages... these are all situations where we end up having to follow a bunch of stupid rules in order to make life work for us.</p>