To make a long story short, I will be graduating high school a semester early and leaving for college in January. In a couple of months, I will receive a copy of my transcript showing that I graduated early to colleges and future employers. So, that means I won’t receive an actual copy of my diploma until June. The administration at my school said that it is my choice whether to participate in the graduation ceremony in June or not. To be honest, I had a rough time growing up with my family, especially around my parents and I do NOT want to participate in the ceremony meaning that my family won’t see me “walk across that stage”. I have no feelings or emotions about this event and it’s not that important to me at all. I do not like my high school and I will not miss the majority of the kids I went to school with. Now, you are probably thinking “What do you mean by having a rough time growing up with my parents?”. Well, if you are confused you can read my recent thread “How can growing up with strict parents affect my college life?”. I have not discussed this decision with my family at all because I feel like they’re not ready for this conversation and it will create more negative tension within our family relationship. Some people might tell me I will regret not attending the commencement ceremony and I totally disagree with that statement. It’s really not that deep and I prefer to move on with my life. I have no empathy or care in my heart to do that. Any thoughts or opinions relating to my story would be very helpful before making this decision.
I just typed up a whole thing about D20 skipping her drive-through Covid graduation, and how a year and a half later, I can say it honestly didn’t matter. We supported her choice and focused on moving forward.
I deleted it because your situation is so different. I read your past thread when it was current and reading this one, I am struck by how much hurt and anger you have towards your family. I know you feel justified. I am going to urge you to get some counseling and think long and hard about what you want long term. Some burned bridges can never be repaired or replaced. It’s easy now to think about yourself and not worry about hurting your parents but you need to think about what that might look like when you are in your 30s or beyond. At the very least, you need to learn how to deal with your feelings so you can be a good friend, partner and (maybe) parent in the future.
Sure, the ceremony is a few hours and may not matter much (we don’t feel like we missed anything by skipping D20’s) but I think you need to consider the long term effects of the damage this does to what remains of your relationship with your family. Good luck to you.
Do you need to make a decision now about the graduation ceremony? If you are starting college in January, you may have a job next summer working who knows where. You may not be even able to make it back for graduation.
If you are able, I would back burner worrying about graduation and just focus on getting ready for college. No need to stir the pot with your family if it isn’t necessary.
I have until the third week of December to make this decision. I prefer to get ready for college, I don’t need to make amends with my family because our relationship is already dysfunctional.
When you’re already in college you have much more for your family to take pride in (if that’s important to them), than see you attend a HS function half a year later.
If you have no desire to attend because you feel no particular connection to the school or your HS peers, and you have long moved on - then simply don’t.
I graduated early, started college, and did not go to my hs graduation. I went to the school office a few weeks after I returned from my first semester of college and picked up my diploma. I never regretted it.
That’s great. I prefer to participate in a college graduation ceremony than a high school one because I’ll feel much more better about myself and its something I would actually enjoy.
Your school counselor should be able to give you community references and the college you attend in January should have some counseling resources.
Friends are great, but a professional is trained to help you and has experience. This can take some pressure off of your friendships, too. They will still be there for you, but they will know you are also talking to someone who is trained to help you grow or develop strategies to navigate things based on your experiences.
Added - I just looked at your other strand and Purdue has some great resources for you when you get there in January.
OP, I fully support your decision not to take part in you HS graduation.
However, you said that your family might not take kindly to this decision. Since you are already not in great communication with them, I am concerned that this decision may worsen the situation, and it seems like you are going to need their financial support for your college education. Would your parents ever cut off support if they don’t like this type of decision? If so, then you may need to think very carefully about the cost/benefit ratio for this activity.
Here’s another idea. Consider telling your HS counselor “yes”, but reserve (in your own mind) the possibility that you will actually not attend when the time comes. You can always be “too busy” or have some important college or employment activity that would make attending difficult or impossible. This decision preserves the peace while you are in transition to your new, post-HS life – and it also preserves options that you just possibly might appreciate having in the future. Next May is still a long way away, and saying “yes” now may make both the present and future a little easier.
I don’t need their financial support for college because I’m working at a job right now to save money for college & I’ve already talked to my counselor about tuition, housing, and other fees at Purdue. I thought about this carefully and I have my finances planned out so I won’t give my parents power over me once I leave for college. My parents haven’t asked me about a commencement ceremony yet so I will have them fill out my FAFSA before we have that discussion.
You will not regret missing your high school graduation, no matter what anyone says. You are starting a new and exiting chapter in your life and it’s perfectly fine to leave high school behind you.
June is a long way off and months after you actually graduate. It’s a shame you have to deal with this now.
You need to take care of yourself first and foremost. If having this conversation now with your family will make things difficult, then put it off.
I’m glad you have a counselor at Purdue who is advising you!
I just have a lingering concern – are your parents going to be willing to continue to file the FAFSA for your sophomore through senior years, based on your plans to sever most (all?) ties with them once you start college? As I’m sure you know, FAFSA needs to be filled out by the parents each year so I am just checking that you have a good plan for that. I know that many students in similar circumstances to you hope they can be declared an independent student for financial aid purposes, but that is very difficult to accomplish and not something that most people can rely upon.
Do you qualify for an automatic full ride? If not, there’s no way your counselor can know whether or not Purdue is affordable for your family. It depends on your parents’ finances. Your parents have to complete financial aid forms every year, so keep that in mind. If they refuse to complete the forms you won’t be eligible for any grants.
