EC suggestions for a shy kid?

Parents Forum
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<p>Hi all, I've been reading on CC for a couple of weeks but this is my first post. :)</p>

<p>My question is about my HS freshman daughter. She's extremely bright (salutatorian at her middle school) and tests well, will take 8 or 9 AP classes including calc, chem and physics during her HS years...but I'm a little concerned already that her shyness is going to keep her from being a competitive applicant at highly selective schools because competitive sports and traditional "leadership" ECs seem to be what everyone talks about.</p>

<p>My D performs major roles with our local ballet school (to audiences of 200+) but she's not pre-professional or anything. I mean, she loves dance and performing but is not obsessed with it to that degree. She's a talented artist, and she's joined the art club at her HS and has also done some volunteer work with our town's community center, but nothing super go-go because she's shy by nature. She's never liked competitive sports and I seriously don't see her running for class office or anything like that. She can perform on stage because she's playing a role, but she has a hard time putting herself out there in other situations.</p>

<p>I realize she's only a freshman, but I don't want the time to just slip by and have what could be wonderful opportunities not be realized. And before anybody gets the wrong idea, I think my D is completely awesome just the way she is! I'm not interested in pushing her into activities she doesn't want to do just because they're the "right" ones for college. I guess what I'm hoping is that some of you who have been through this process before can make some suggestions for some quality ECs that even a shy kid can do. What have your bright but shy kids done to stand out?</p>

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<p>Teams such as Quiz Bowl, Academic League, or Science Bowl can be great for kids like your daughter. Here’s a link describing one of the regional final competitions.</p>

<p><a href=“University High wins crown at JPL Regional Science Bowl”>http://articles.latimes.com/2014/feb/01/local/la-me-0202-science-bowl-20140202&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>These events really give more reserved kids a chance to find like minded peers and enjoy competing in a team.</p>

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<p>At some colleges, art, dance and theater can be excellent ECs, equally or even more valuable than traditional ECs like team sports or school government. This is true even she doesn’t intend to major in the arts. A demonstrated and focused interest in visual or performing arts can effectively round out academic strength, but she needs to research individual schools to determine the ones where arts participation is considered important to the campus community.</p>

<p>Though it’s a little early to start thinking about the application per se, eventually she should plan to submit supplements on all or some her interests. These would include a portfolio and/or performance recordings plus arts resumes, additional recommendations from an instructor or mentor, essays that shed light on her commitment. Again, it depends on the college: at some arts supplements are less impactful; at some they can provide a significant admissions boost.</p>

<p>As for finding a school that is suitable for a more introverted, shy student, I’d suggest that she look at some of the smaller liberal arts colleges, including those that are all womens. Smaller classes, nurturing undergraduate faculty, supportive social groups can make a big difference in performance. There are plenty of small LACs that offer excellent overall academics – including sciences – AND arts friendly environments. </p>

<p>Specific names may be premature, but just to give you an idea look at Williams, Smith, Oberlin, Vassar, Wesleyan, Hamilton.</p>

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<p>Have her keep doing what she loves…ballet, performing, etc. No need to all that other stuff. My DD did minimal sports (and it was not listed anywhere on her college application, even on the EC section), no student govt, no leadership, no community service, but spent her time doing ECs that she loved including film and theater. Got accepted to a top 5 school.</p>

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<p>Once my kids turned 16, they got p/t jobs at a local grocery store. Younger S was not as outgoing as older S. Working at the grocery store really helped him “come out of his shell”. As a cashier, he had to talk to customers. The more he did it, the easier it became. </p>

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<p>I think ballet is a great EC. However, if you’d like her to do some other stuff at the school, the two things that come to my mind are lighting and audio (stage crew) and cross country. Both of those things can be great to pull quiet kids into the school community without overwhelming them. How about taking some photographs for the year book? </p>

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<p>The other thing she may want to think about is taking her dance interest and turning that into community service. Several girls that D has danced with have gone on to assist or even teach their own classes at the park district and/or other outreach programs. </p>

<p>I should add that it may just be a matter of finding her own niche during her high school years. My own quiet, shy, and noncompetitive daughter has risen through the ranks of two of the three major publications at her high school, and will be editor-in-chief of both by her senior year. She found that being conscientious and creative rather than popular or political was rewarded in that kind of EC, which matched her personality.</p>

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<p>I think shy kids usually do best if they pick one or two things they love and get into them in depth. Much harder to be involved with a lot of different activities and new people if you’re shy. Though you may find that she gets more outgoing in high school!</p>

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<p>Since she enjoys art, think of having her submit her work to competitions like <a href=“http://www.artandwriting.org/”>http://www.artandwriting.org/&lt;/a&gt; and/or <a href=“http://www.portfolioday.net/”>http://www.portfolioday.net/&lt;/a&gt; . Maybe she can take an art course at a local art school or college. See if there is anywhere that will let her and maybe a friend or two hold a show. They might sell their work for a local charity. </p>

<p>She might also look into doing tech work for theatre productions at her high school. Artistic types are usually in demand. There are costumes and sets to be desigrned. If she likes it, branch out to a local community theatre. </p>

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<p>Although this isn’t part of your question, I would encourage her to be an active participant in the classroom. I understand that you don’t want to change her and think she’s great as she is, nor do you want her to become someone else for the sake of college admissions, but I think it’s fair to say that class participation is one of the biggest influences when it comes to getting excellent teacher recommendations. Personally, I feel that this is probably even more important than having a list of ECs and “leadership” activities, and can be even more important than the grade in the class.</p>

<p>Very quiet students often get overlooked in teachers’ eyes, even if their grades are high because they don’t feel that they know those students as well as some of the more outspoken kids. They also don’t add to the classroom discussions, which tends to make them seem less engaged in the subject matter. Having been a teacher, I get this. It’s not always a fair assessment, but often the only thing we have to go on. Encourage her to be confident and voice her opinion or ask questions in all of her classes. This will not only help her in college admissions, but in life.</p>

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<p>For something different, if her high school has a robotics team, give that a whirl. D’s high school team has a big need for graphics people and photographers. They are “under the radar” but out there. They are the ones who take pictures and videos, create web pages and do the graphics in marketing pieces to get sponsors. In other words, think beyond the arts group and look to see if other groups need a graphics person. </p>

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<p>Wow, thank you all so much for the great ideas! Definitely some good food for thought here, both for new areas to look into, and some great suggestions for doing more with the dance and art she’s already so involved with. </p>

<p>Albiongirl, thanks for that idea. I do think her HS has some kind of team. It’s at least worth investigating!</p>

<p>Momrath, I appreciate the thoughts about LAC’s, I’ve had the same impression that she may do better in that kind of environment when the time comes. And YoHoYoHo, thanks for telling me about your D’s experience. It’s good to know that artsy activities can “count” too-- I had always presumed they should, but then kept seeing people talking about sports and leadership as the big things, hence my concern.</p>

<p>PackMom, yes to the job. My D does actually work on a charter sailboat in summer, and as she gets a little older, she’ll be in more of a position to interact with people. It’s definitely good social experience.</p>

<p>Halfemptypockets, yeah, I do think she might want to turn her ballet performance and art experience into some work with the HS theatre group. Worth looking into for sure!</p>

<p>EllieMom, that’s actually a great idea. We should talk to Ds ballet teacher too, as she does some outreach work with kids in need in the community already. Now that D is in HS, that might be something she can help out with. And yes, my hope is that as she gets more involved in the things she already loves, she will evolve a kind of natural leadership role. She does seem to be the kind of kid people quietly ask for advice. :)</p>

<p>Llbrenner- I do hope that she will come out of her shell a little in the next couple of years! Part of it is the size of HS vs her small middle school. Now that she’s finding some artsy kids and making a little group for herself, my hope is that she’ll feel secure enough to branch out a bit more.</p>

<p>Jonri, that’s a great idea re: art competitions. Especially if they’re things she can enter quietly haha and then just talk about if it goes somewhere. And yes, agreed about the theatre group in the HS, a couple of people have mentioned that she could do behind the scenes stuff, and it’s a great suggestion.</p>

<p>Moonchild, I really appreciate you mentioning that, because I do feel like D got overlooked a bit in middle school because she was so quiet. Fortunately, she’s got a great biology teacher this year and it sounds like she winds up participating there before she even realizes she’s done it, haha. And he has mentioned to her the possibility of doing some research in her jr/sr years in a program the HS offers in partnership with one of the state U programs, so that’s something we’re keeping an eye on, and I’m hoping this teacher will be a bit of a mentor for her.</p>

<p>SlackerMomMD, that’s so funny you mention robotics. I just showed D the <a href=“http://www.engineeryourlife.org”>http://www.engineeryourlife.org</a> web site to introduce her to the idea of engineering as an arena where her math-y/science-y and artsy sides could meet. I’m not sure if there’s a robotics group at the HS but we should look!</p>

<p>Again, thanks to all of you who took the time to share your thoughts. I feel much more sure that D will be able to steer a good path, even without varsity sports or running for class president! :)</p>

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<p>My D has done four years of mock trial and I can’t say enough about this program. I’m a lawyer and have also helped coach her team, and I have seen some pretty shy kids really blossom. You don’t have to be the next Clarence Darrow. You can take a small witness part or even serve as court clerk or bailiff. It’s a team “sport” for the non-athletic (although some athletes also participate), with competitions, tournaments, and some travel. It’s an activity that tends to attract the top tier of students so the peer influence is very positive. Many colleges also have mock trial teams, so it’s something you can go on to do as an EC in college as well. My D has already made connections with the mock trial team at the college she will be attending in the fall and plans to join.</p>

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<p>One word of warning…mock trial is NOT something you can plan on doing in college. At least one of the leagues limits the # of people from each college who can participate. It’s not uncommon for there to be a LOT more applicants than slots. This varies by college. </p>

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<p>Anything which is performance-based rather than organizational would be good as an EC.</p>