Edit/comment common app short essay please?

<p>The most annoying thing is that I have already cut so much out of it and it has 1,018 characters...</p>

<p>I was drenched in the pouring summer rain. My eyes stayed focused on my opponent, firing back my shots. Every player on the courts seemed to be in consent with the refusal to run for cover. I enjoyed being around these people, influencing my determination and resilience. The imminent gray clouds covering the sky enclosed me as if from harm, making everything else outside the tennis courts irrelevant to my life. At this point, I allowed the rain to take over my body. As I got ready to serve, rain dripped from my eyes, nose, and mouth. My arms were slippery, mixed with sweat and rain. I watched as the ball sailed through the air majestically, spewing water in a pattern of its spin and direction. The damp clay court was easier to run on. Thunder crashed but it did not move me. I barely heard my coach shouting orders. The rain did not help with the blurry images that came to my view, but I was still able to focus on the ball. Suddenly lighting crashed down and in a second, the flooded courts were abandoned.</p>

<p>Beautifully written, you invoke some great imagery, you make the reader feel like they are present. However, this tells me nothing about what tennis means to you, how it influenced you, the kind of dedication you put into it, and its place in your life. No matter how terrifically written an essay is, if I don’t feel like I know you better, or have a better understanding of that extracurricular in context with your life, then it does not do the job.</p>

<p>Honestly, I do not like that essay. Sure, it has a ton of imagery and is well-written, but as Jake2012 said, it says nothing about you. As much as an adcom would love to read about rain and water in tennis, I think he/she would rather know about you, the applicant. College essays also do not take well to all this imagery you used either. It’s all flash, all fluff. You don’t need any of it. Save that stuff for a novel, and focus on yourself here.</p>

<p>I agree, Its just a story with not much of a story or lesson that came of it.</p>