I applied to the Questbridge National College Match last month, However, I’m worried about my financial eligibility after reading other people’s experiences.
My dad filed for divorce last November. Because the house isn’t sold yet, I live with my dad and 6-year-old brother in a single bedroom of our house in order to rent out other rooms. My mom is the non-custodial parent, and she has not paid any support or bills within the past 3-4 years.
My dad was laid off from work since 2007, so he’s currently unemployed. The complicated part is that my mom is a pharmacist and makes $190,000 per year. However, she has a hateful relationship with us, and I will describe our family situation below,
Ever since I was young, my mom was physically and emotionally abusive. She called me an embarrassment to her friends and told me to marry rich instead of getting a job. She was neglectful and was never there during the most important moments of my life.
She has a habit of faking things in order to get her way. Whenever she got into an argument with my dad, she would run out in the middle of the street and scream that he was going to kill her in order for the neighbors to hear. This has happened at least 20 times in my life.
During the summer before my freshman year, my dad told her that he was going to file for divorce and take full-custody. Out of spite, she called the police and framed him for domestic violence by bumping her knee into the wall and claiming that he pushed her. She later dropped the charges. This happened on my birthday by the way. He had to borrow $10,000 from relatives for bail.
The following year, also on my birthday, she secretly flew to Vietnam and had an affair with my dad’s distant relative. I found out by luck while looking through her deleted emails, filled with pictures of her and her lover.
During my junior year winter break, she again called the police to frame my dad for domestic violence. Again, he had to borrow more money to pay for bail and a lawyer.
Within the past 4 years, she hasn’t paid her bills and withdrew all of our money from the family bank account. She even took all of my dad’s savings even when they didn’t belong to her. My dad has to keep borrowing money and putting the money into the bank account because we have to have at least $1000 in the account I believe, but she kept withdrawing money that wasn’t hers.
My mom spends around $2,000 a month on herself. She hoards beauty supplies and designer purses and clothings, but has never given us a single penny to pay bills or for support. She has never paid for my educational expenses. She would secretly go on vacations, party, or have affairs without notifying us. I haven’t spoken to her since she last framed him for domestic violence.
She also bragged that my dad and I will never get a single penny from her inheritance and removed us from her life insurance.
Although my mom is a pharmacist, she is not very smart and fails to do basic things like turn on the television. My dad had to fill all of the work forms for her and do her taxes because she doesn’t know how.
My dad is filing as single for the 2017 tax returns, but I saw that Questbridge looks at both parents’s incomes even if they are divorced or separated. I’m planning to file for a noncustodial parent waiver if I’m a finalist.
Therefore, I’m concerned about whether Questbridge or other colleges will consider me for financial support. My dad is tens of thousands of dollars in debt to friends and relatives because he has to borrow money to support us until the house is sold. I qualify for free-reduced lunch, and my dad qualifies for food stamps and government health support.
I just really hope that I won’t be held down from financial support because of my mom’s income. We have no way of making her pay for anything. She hasn’t even paid for bills and utilized for the past few years. Although my dad is filing for child support, we have yet to receive it.
Do you guys think that Questbridge and other colleges will think that I’m financially ineligible?
I suspect you could have an issue. You are in contact with her. She isn’t in prison, I didn’t see anything about documented physical abuse or restraining orders in your post. It sounds like they are not divorced yet. You wouldn’t be the only student with a parent who could pay, but refuses to.
I am not sure what Questbridge will ask for, but colleges that give good aid will want her info. You can apply for a waiver at each college, but you may not get one. I’d try to pare this info down a bit - the gritty details are probably too much info for the colleges.
Others might be able to comment on complexities of filling out FAFSA with parents in the process of divorcing if one parent won’t provide info.
I think you need to make a backup plan if this derails your ability to get much aid. You might need to attend a community college. If you have high stats, there might be full ride options at colleges you may not have considered. You might want to take a gap year — I’m wondering if you might get a Pell Grant once the divorce is final? Again, someone else may be more familiar with the nuances of that.
FAFSA would only require the income and assets of her father. The parents do not live together and have no intention of reuniting. It is a single family situation.
You should definitely have some FAFSA-only schools on your list.
Note that University of Chicago and Vanderbilt normally do not require the non-custodial parent information; both are in Questbridge. So, if they are suitable for you, you may want to include them as your top two Questbridge choices, if the other colleges will require the non-custodial parent information.
Technically, I still have the ability to contact her because she’s still alive and not living in isolation or anything, but I haven’t spoken to her since last November.
For the noncustodial waiver, it says to put in as much information as possible, so I’m not sure if I should cut back in details. My counselor and the lawyer will write statements too.
Honestly, I just don’t want to be held down from attending my dream colleges just because of my parents’ problems. I know that many students have difficult financial situations too, and I respect that. I just think my situation should be holistically analyzed without my mom’s income being the central focus.
It does not matter what you think should be done here. What matters is what the colleges’ financial aid offices think. Of the Questbridge schools, Chicago and Vanderbilt think in ways most favorable to your situation.
Your mother earns $190k/year and doesn’t want to pay. I don’t think programs for low income students will ignore her income. If they did, everyone would say they can’t pay.
Make sure you apply to some financial safeties. That will probably be schools that offer merit for your stats or are within commuting distance of your home.
@austinmshauri yeah it’s for low-income students
I’m very stressed about it. I don’t want my chances of financial aid to slip away just because I’m defined by my noncustodial parents’ income even though she has nothing to do with our lives. My dad and I are struggling and I know that we qualify as low-income by the government since they’re getting divorced. The unclear line is that colleges want both parents to contribute, but how can I expect her to contribute given our family history? I know a lot of people have the same issue with divorced parents. I just really wish that top colleges can be more sympathetic and understand the situation rather than define students by their parents’ incomes, but my wish may not be reality.
I’m sympathetic to your situation with your mom. But if all it took to get hundreds of thousands of dollars in aid was a parent refusing to pay, everyone would refuse to pay. The issue is, unfortunately, with your mother. How can colleges define students (ability to pay) without considering parental income?
Your situation means you might have to get creative with your list. You certainly need to have financial safeties.
Some colleges only consider the custodial parent (e.g. Chicago, Vanderbilt; Princeton if the custodial parent is remarried).
Really, this seems like a policy decision on the part of many of the colleges, since it is a convenient way to screen out close to half of those with financial aid need (about half of kids will see parental divorce, and probably most are nasty enough to ensure non-cooperation with financial aid forms or paying for college) in order to keep the financial aid budget in check while still claiming to “meet full need”.
Her saying you are an embarrassment, should marry rich, missing important moments, faking stuff, affairs, and her own spending habits - none of that belongs in a request to a college for a non-custodial waiver.