In the case of the sorority sister who wouldn’t intervene, this is the quote:
This woman is saying that in cases where she would consider intervening, she doesn’t intervene because she’d be labelled a **** blocking *****, not because she thinks the woman really wants to have sex with the guy or isn’t that drunk.
Just that term itself - it implies so much. Like there is some kind of “right” and a woman would be negatively labeled if she “blocks” it. But the fact that a girl would even be considering such a thing when evaluating whether or not to help a friend is troubling as well. I had never heard the term but find it disturbing.
CF & HarvestMoon1 - Thank you for posting the full quote. My mistake.
Here’s a related observation. I worked as a “bouncer” (really more like door security guard) a few times in college during weeks when I couldn’t drink because I had to make weight every week. Not for frat parties though; for other student organizations. A few times girls would ask me to help throw a guy out because he was drunk and/or bothering the women.
However, looking back on it, it was always a “strange” male who wasn’t part of the group. Sometimes it was a townie who somehow got invited to the parties, or sometimes it was another student who wasn’t part of the organization and wasn’t well known to the members. The men and the women were protective of each other against “outsiders”, but when insiders were involved the rules were different. So that’s one observation. And at frat parties almost none of the guys are “outsiders”.
Here’s another personal observation. When girls were being bothered it made my job much easier if they would simply say one sentence like “This guy is bothering me”. It got the crowd on my side and usually made the guy easy to remove. But if they didn’t then it was much harder and you’d worry about a fight starting. And if you’d ask the girl if everything was alright and she said “I guess so”, then all I could really do was make sure the guy knew we were there in the building.
Oh, and the term itself? Definitely heard it before, but usually it’s guys calling other guys the name, at least in my experience. I really don’t use the term myself, and in many of my environments profanity is used quite often.
So if a guy was to help a woman who seemed to be out of it, another guy would call him that?
@HarvestMoon1 - In my experience the term is mostly used in jest between friends. “I was really hitting it off with Jane Doe and then John carries me off to do shots for his birthday. Ruined everything.” Like you do something inadvertently rather than deliberately. It’s mostly used in jest since the presumption is that if Jane really liked you then things would have worked out anyway, unless you were strangers meeting in a club or something. Otherwise, your success with her is probably in your imagination.
Guys also use it in a business setting as a short hand, say if a competitor wrecks a deal that you were close to closing, and wrecks it out of spite rather than honest competition.
I’d say that if a guy were to pull a woman away from another guy and the woman was clearly returning the guy’s affections, then he’d be called that. But if the guy had some reasonable basis for intervening (like he was her friend and she was very drunk), then I’d generally say that if guy himself has good social status then he wouldn’t be broadly stigmatized beyond the one incident. He might make an enemy out of that one guy though. Oh well - sometimes you can best judge a person by their enemies as well as their friends.
That phrase is widely used. I have heard it used in a wide variety of situations, such as if a roommate would not leave the room, or if a wingman was unwilling to do something to separate the “target” from her best friend, or someone starting a fight that broke the mood and cast a whole group of guys in a bad light, or talked too much about an upcoming exam and made everyone feel like studying. In other words, not at all limited to intervening to prevent someone taking advantage of a woman who was too drunk, although I’m sure it could be applied there as well.
I do have the sense that it is rarely applied to women, on the idea that, in the cartoon world of frat-boy courtship, you don’t really expect anything else of women – of course they are going to try to put up barriers to sex, at least until you have made some kind of commitment or at least proved yourself worthy. “****-blocking” is something other guys do to you, and it’s a violation of bro etiquette. But I can easily imagine that the word-use has changed in recent years, to reflect an expectation that women have an obligation not to frustrate your effort to have sex with their friends.
I am familiar with the phrase. It seemed odd to me to hear it from a woman, assuming she was quoted correctly I tried to think about word-use changes for our kids’ generation as well. I don’t think the phrase is used at all in the bubble in which my kids live.
So, I’ve read the thesis. Thank you for explaining how to open it. I want to be very careful what I write. No one really expects a thesis to be a mature work of scholarship. I’m waiting to read the reactions of everyone else before weighing in.
This is part of not slut-shaming. It’s use among females is a misguided extension of women’s freedom to make their own choices. I am beginning to think I live in a very different world over here than some of you. Not sure this is a good thing but I have heard the word aplenty.
Al2simon: In this context, again assuming the quote was correct, this was not said in jest and that the guy interupted would not take it as ruining his night. I don’t think the women was actually called that, but was saying this is the label people would bestow on her for doing this.
Marie: I have not heard that term from my kids or their friends and not a work. I have heard plenty of profanity as I work with many men who do not hold back. An example, perhaps, of how difficult it is to remove negative perceptions without encouraging behavior that may not actually be in the person’s best interest. Certainly, slut shaming is not good, but I am not sure it is emotionally or physically healthy to have all hook ups and no relationships - for women or men. But of course I am ancient by the standards of current college students.
I’m not defending the term, I’m explaining it. My kids don’t use it either as far as I know but it is definitely out there and is a known thing that girls do to each and accuse each other of doing when it’s not wanted. Sometimes it’s done out of protectiveness and sometimes apparently out of jealously or suspected jealously. I don’t think any of these drunk 18 year olds have any idea what they are doing or why and that they get in trouble is entirely unsurprising, sadly.
It can apply to men or women - anyone who purposefully ‘stops the activity’ or intrudes.
Hi folks, now that we all know what the term in question is, please let’s not use it - or any other terms that are in the filter, as it’s against [the TOS](https://auth.collegeconfidential.com/module.php/hobsonspolicies/policy.php?policy=tos).
On the topic - I’m glad someone pointed out that the thesis was about consensual sex, because the USC article made no sense to me otherwise. The flaw is that the author of the Neon Tommy article assumes that an increase in casual sexual hookups will also lead to an increase in sexual assault, when the two are not necessarily related to each other.
The “term in question” has been a mainstay of rap/hip hop lyrics for years. (Google it on the Right Rhymes.) I wouldn’t underestimate the influence of rap/hip hop on what is socially acceptable behavior. Rock and roll has always been about sex, but before the advent of hip hop it was happy sex (or heartbreak due to lack there of). Today’s rap/hip hop lyrics are often describe the domination of women and sexual violence. I wouldn’t ignore its impact.
Gee JHS, thanks for letting us girls know how all this really works.
The fraternities have parties, in which they admit attractive women to whom they serve alcohol, in part or in whole so that the fraternity members can get the women drunk and have sex with them. [This creepy email from a Georgia Tech frat social chair](http://totalfratmove.com/Φkt-member-from-georgia-tech-sends-rapiest-email-ever/) is real: I’m not imagining that he sent an email entitled “Luring Your Rapebait.” I’m not saying that all fraternity brothers, or most fraternity brothers, intend to rape the women at the their parties; the guys who want to hook up generally intend to have consensual drunken sex. But it’s an ideal situation for guys who aren’t so particular about consent to find women to rape.
An increase in casual sexual hookups among sober people might not lead to an increase in sexual assault, but an increase in hookups among drunken people-- the kind of hookups that actually exist-- would lead to an increase in sexual assault.
http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/sep/24/rape-sexual-assault-ban-frats
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Has someone posted the following link yet? Did I just miss the discussion?
It was posted, alh. Foubert is apparently regarded as something of a self-promoter whose boasts are not always backed up by solid data.
How about the Stanford coed/mentor mess that was the cover story of yesterday’s NY Times Magazine? Very 50 Shades-ish. Smart woman, stupid choices.
I could not keep track of all the lawsuits, counter-suits, investigations, out of court settlements, etc. Full employment for the lawyers!! I can’t imagine how much Stanford spent on this. And, of course, 100% free of any law enforcement involvement. That’s what all this OCR BS has brought us.
In an ironic twist, the Stanford coed graduates, becomes a victim advocate and enrolls as a grad student at…wait for it…UVA. After the RS thing breaks out she winds up meeting with the UVA president and gets mentioned in a major speech as a survivor of a brutal college assault.
On the USC thread, I wrote:
Cardinal Fang responded:
al2simon: You seem to have an insider’s point of view. Why aren’t colleges enforcing the law at fraternities?
I must be the only person who has literally never heard this term before. I couldn’t even figure out what it was until I googled right rhymes and looked it up.
Of course, I make it a practice to avoid hearing the vast majority of rap, because the misogyny and vulgar boasting/stupidity has disgusted me for decades.
Please stop called female students “coeds.” They are not afterthoughts there to get an Mrs degree. It’s insulting.
I just read this article:
Her story, if this is an accurate representation of it, is simply ludicrous. Bunny boiler territory.