Emotionally shaken by driving accident - how to get over it and focus on school?

Parents Forum
1

<p>Hi everyone. </p>

<p>I've been posting in this particular section a lot because it seems like everything that can possibly happen is happening at once, and I feel like I need guidance outside the realms of my own parents and family. </p>

<p>For the first time in like 20 years, my school here in southeast Michigan had a snow day today. Since I don't have classes tomorrow either, I decided to go home and help out on my family's farm along with working on all my homework. </p>

<p>Well, it was foggy, and I realized too late that I missed my turn kind of. For some unearthly reason, I tried to turn anyway in the slush, so of course it was too fast and I slid over and hit someone's driver side. It would've been a stupid turn even in good weather. </p>

<p>It's my fault, I know. I accept full responsibility for everything, as I should. The person ended up actually working for my school, so they were more sympathetic once they saw my school branded clothes and after I was polite and sorry and took full responsibility. They had kids, and this one little girl was crying because she had gotten scared. I can't even begin to describe how awful I felt in that moment. </p>

<p>The cop was nice as well and said they had a kid my age and understood how sometimes you misjudge things and go too fast. He also said to be happy that no one was hurt and that we both are able to drive away and to view it as a leaening experience. He gave me a ticket for driving without due care and/or caution. I have to pay some kind of fine, and I think he said it'll put 2 points on my record. He also mentioned how he can't guarantee anything, but I could try and have an informal hearing with the court and explain how it was foggy and the weather was bad and all that. I won't do that though because it WAS my fault and I just made a bad decision at a bad speed. I would never try and lie my way out of something. It'd be wrong. </p>

<p>My car has minor damage, everyone was nice, my mom told me it'd be okay, and I'm home and safe now. So why do I feel so increasingly guilty and hung up over the ordeal?! </p>

<p>I just can't believe I tried to make that turn, and I can't believe that I really could've hurt somebody. I didn't, thank God, but now my rates will go up, I'll have to pay a lot if I want to get my car fixed, and I'll always feel like I'm paying my dues. I have tons of homework that I planned on using today and tomorrow to get caught up and possibly ahead with, but now I want to work and do anything to make as much money as possible to pay the ticket, my parents, and my car. </p>

<p>How can I put this behind me?! It was probably the best kind of accident anyone could hope for in bad weather. (minus the ones where no damage is done and no police reports are made) I really need to focus, but I feel so bad... I feel like I let everyone down somehow. </p>

<p>Thanks for listening.</p>

2

<p>Don’t feel so bad. Almost everyone has an automobile accident at some point. I was in a collision just a few months ago.</p>

<p>I was rather tired, but felt that I was up to driving anyway (big mistake- obviously no one should drive drowzy, ESPECIALLY a young driver like myself). In a parking lot, I was pulling into a space when, in my tiredness, I accidentally pressed down on the accelerator instead of the brakes. I slammed into an adjacent car and caused a pretty sizeable amount of damage, considering it was only a parking lot collision.</p>

<p>I felt horrible. Upon arriving home, I locked myself in my room and didn’t come out for days. But, after a few days, I slowly began to get over it. If you just give it some time, you will eventually forgive yourself. Trust me; everything will be all right. Just learn from your mistakes and move on.</p>

3

<p>((((hugs)))). Many, many of us have been there. My own experience at your age was a fender-bender on the freeway when I didn’t stop quickly enough in stalled traffic. You will get past this, I promise.</p>

<p>If I read this correctly, the accident just happened very recently. Let’s look at what is happening to you physiologically. When it happened, you were flooded with adrenaline, which gives you the “fight or flight” response for emergency situations. It revved you up, so to speak. And because you didn’t fight or flee, you have all this extra “revving” going on in your system, with nowhere for it to go. This may contribute to how you feel right now. If you are physically okay, can you do some exercise to burn some of it off? (Do NOT try to exercise if you might have whiplash or a concussion or other injury).</p>

<p>You learned something from this accident. You learned not to try that kind of turn. Maybe this will keep you, some time in the future, from making this turn. Maybe a life will be saved in that moment. You never know. </p>

<p>Points go off the DMV record in a few years - maybe two, I can’t remember. And insurance rates don’t always go up after the first accident, depending on the company. But they go back down again. It’s small potatoes to what could have happened.</p>

<p>You WILL get past this. It sounds like the others have already forgiven you. Life will go on, I promise.</p>

4

<p>{{{More hugs}}} I had a similar accident when I was 16 years old and took the family car out for the first time. My son totaled his truck on an icy road rushing to get to class on time his sophomore year of college. In fact it’s almost a right of passage. Take a deep breath, give thanks that no one was hurt seriously, and understand that part of learning is making mistakes. It’s probably also a good idea to get back behind the wheel as soon as you calm down enough to feel safe driving again. Don’t be too hard on yourself.</p>

5

<p>People get in accident from time to time.
Some even get in accident again and the next time he/ she may not be so lucky.</p>

<p>You are one of the few that recognizes your mistake. I think you have a very good chance of not having it happen again and it’s a good thing.</p>

6

<p>You learned how quickly and unexpectedly terrible things can happen to a person. That tends to be shocking for a young person and even some older folks.</p>

<p>Life goes on though. You have to move forward. Really hard exercise helps - try shoveling snow, help some neighbors out. Then get to work.</p>

7

<p>I agree with calla1, it sounds like everyone has forgiven you. Now it is time for you to forgive yourself. It’s called an accident because it isn’t intentional. Cars are just objects, which can be fixed, but people are not. Everyone involved is fortunate to have come out fine, (except perhaps your ego). You sound like a wonderful young adult, who took responsibility for a mistake, and maintained your composure in a scary situation. Now “live & learn”, and move on. “This should be the worst thing that happens to you.” (hugs)</p>

8

<p>If “put it behind me” means forget it happened – Don’t. Moving forward is a good thing. Take this a a life lesson and learn from it. Accidents happen - that is why they are accidents. But a little precaution will reduce the chances that they happen. My teacher always reminded us that a car is a 2,000 pound weapon and that we are in control of it when we drive.</p>

<p>2 years ago I was hit by a texting driver. Totaled my brand new car (really only 2 months old). In addition, there were $80,000 in medical bills. I am still suffering medical problem today. But I am alive and relatively okay. Accidents happen, young people make bad decisions. I have long ago forgiven her in my mind. I only hope that this driver learned from her mistake and never texts and drives again. Next time the results might be far worse for the other car.</p>

<p>As with anything in life - take responsibility for your actions (you did this), learn from your mistakes (sounds like you have) and move forward using what you learned.</p>

9

<p>You didn’t let anybody down. Accidents happen. You decided to take a turn at a speed that was too fast for the weather conditions. This is not a character flaw - it is more likely a lack of driving experience. Chalk it up to a learning experience. </p>

<p>No one was injured or died. Cars can be repaired. The next time you drive in fog or snow, hopefully this experience will have taught you to drive a little slower. Forgive yourself. And don’t look for a harsher penalty than necessary.</p>

<p>

You should listen to the officer’s advice. Explaining how the accident occurred is not a lie. You are not trying to avoid responsibility for the accident by telling the truth. There were extenuating circumstances (weather conditions), not reckless driving, that caused this accident. There may still be a penalty but judges are humans (and parents) too, and a court hearing might result in a reduced penalty, which would be a good outcome. </p>

<p>If you are still feeling guilty, take madaboutx’s advice in post #6: go out & do something nice for someone else (ie. shovel snow for an elderly neighbor, etc.).</p>

10

<p>Sounds like you are a great kid and understand how serious the situation COULD have been. You made a mistake and learned from it. Your mother is understanding , the officer who responded was easy on you , relatively and the person who you collided with was pretty fair too. Don’t beat yourself up about it. You will always remember this , but in a way that will make you even more cautious in the future.
Glad to hear that everyone is ok.</p>

11

<p>It happens to all of us. Be thankful everything turned out OK and nobody was injured.</p>

<p>I was in a very bad accident many years ago, when I was probably 25 or so. It happened on the freeway, I totaled the car I was driving but nobody died - I was the only person injured and the injury was from the airbag . Miracle, considering it happened on the freeway and I was probably driving 70mph or so. The best thing that had happened to me there was DH - when he picked me up from the hospital he put me behind the wheel of our second car and told me to drive back home. I was shaking the whole way there, but I think by doing this he prevented a phobia ;)</p>

12

<p>I have taught high school for about a million years. In my experience, pretty much every young driver has an accident of some sort in the first year of driving. You are correct that you had the best kind of accident; no one was injured. Take this experience as a lesson learned and be thankful for the relatively low price at which it was learned. If you feel the need to do something in penance, resolve to be a good friend who does not distract his friends when they are driving, or get into a car with a driver who is not capable of driving safely. You are at the age when a lot of bad driving occurs, and young people often pay the price with their lives. Use this lesson to protect yourself and those around you.</p>

13

<p>Thanks for the support, everyone. It felt better to get it off my chest, I think. I feel that my biggest concern wasn’t my fender-bented car, $125 ticket, or driving points but the fact that I almost really hurt someone or myself. This makes me feel like a bad person yet a good one simultaneously because I really do care. </p>

<p>I was advised by my family to go to court about it and see what a judge has to say. Even though I tried turning at a speed too fast for the conditions, it would’ve been fine (but not wise) on a normal day, and maybe I can get the points knocked off and pay the fine or do some service since it’s my first offense and a weather-related incident. (the officer said it’s worth a shot too) </p>

<p>So for now I’ve decided to focus on school, do my farm work, and start with donating more time and money at church while trying to help out people more on here like you all have been helping me. :)</p>

14

<p>Great attitude, persona3. </p>

<p>I want to emphasize that a mistake (even a potentially dangerous one) doesn’t make you a bad person. Mistakes happen, and they are learning opportunities. You are obviously a very good person who will go far in life.</p>

15

<p>Don’t be surprised if you feel kind of tense the next time you’re driving in similar conditions either. That can take a while to go away. I was leaving work during an ice storm (in southeast MI) about 10 years ago. I was only going 10-15 mph because it was really slick. I had to stop at a traffic light and there were cars in front of me, already stopped. When I pressed on my (anti-lock!) breaks, I wasn’t stopping. I realized I was going to hit the car in front of me so I tried to steer to the next lane where there were no cars. I spun out and hit a cement viaduct. I did some serious damage to my car, considering how slow I was going. I was ok and nobody else was involved but my car was $200 away from being totalled because of how I hit this cement pole. My front end was shaped like the top of a heart because it creased inward. </p>

<p>It took a few years before I felt “normal” on slippery roads and I still might be more cautious than I used to be in bad weather. The first few times though, I was close to a panic attack. It is a scary thing to be in an accident. It is normal to have lots of different feelings about it.</p>