<p>Our DD is about to head off to college as a sophomore. Last Thanksgiving she let it be known that she planned to take an internship/job near her college next summer after her sophomore year. So...DH and me started to talk about what this meant to us, and whether we might want to sell our home, and move to a smaller home in another city.
We talked some more with DD over Christmas/winter break, and confirmed that she really was going to not come home. Not an easy pill to swallow. She was so clear in her intent, it made it easier for us to decide to sell our house and move. We have just put out house on the market, and packed all our things and shipped them to the new house. Our house has been staged-and we are feeling like we are staying at a bed and breakfast-but I am still doing the cooking! We will actually move once the house is sold.
DD is a little anxious, as are we. She supports the decision-much like we did when she elected to accept admission to a university back East. Its both exciting, and scary in this new chapter of life called "Empty Nest".
So, fellow CCs who are also in their Empty Nest chapter of their lives, what are you doing? What did you do-any suggestions as to the best way to handle this from both the parents perspective, and the child's? What are your thoughts? Your plans? Wisdom eagerly sought...APOL</p>
<p>My plans? At the moment just falling apart crying at my desk at work (very embarrassing) and wondering what to do with my life. I am a single parent and she is my only child and I basically made her the center of my universe for 17 years. I signed up on a dating site and thought well, maybe I could try dating again after being solo so long. Well a slew of possibilities and I am thinking to myself what am I doing??? I haven't been in the dating scene in such a long time....Then of coures there is the cliche, take an art class or rediscover things you used to do. I hope I get through this. Good luck to all you empty nesters out there.</p>
<p>I am a single parent, son in last year of college, it was hard to start with but I have found a balance now and I kind of like it. It is o.k.</p>
<p>At S2's high school graduation in June 2007, the teacher who spoke used the image of birds flying off. This very much spoke to me. Although it was likely meant for the students who were flying off, I took it to mean it was my time to fly off. I'm not losing a child, I'm gaining a life. :)</p>
<p>Although I am used to being at home alone - my sons have been away summers working at camp and we've had a 50/50 custody agreement - what really shook me was when S1, who has gone to college about 15 minutes away, is now in Bangkok for a semester abroad. Somehow, being away and being far away are two different things. </p>
<p>Since I've been an empty nester, I continue to be a workaholic (I come by my cc name honestly) and am planning a major remodel of my home (the city just approved!). After a year, I am starting to see the ever continuing joys of being a mother to my two sons. The three of us will be traveling in Thailand in December - I can hardly wait.</p>
<p>As a longtime single, I'm dabbling in the online dating. But really, I just want an honest, caring, real man delivered to me on a silver platter. Is that asking too much?</p>
<p>Raichel, Good Luck! And a great idea is to focus some time on YOU!!!</p>
<p>I am single, too, (divorced 12 years) and have devoted my life to my children. I wouldn't trade a thing, but now I am so independent and set in my ways that I have no desire to date again. The first time he tried to tell me what to do, it would not be pretty... :D My D is a senior away at college and my S is a freshman. Although he is staying at home and attending the local community college, I rarely see him. I am going to get a second job probably after the holidays. I have some home improvements like a little painting and updating to do first. I really am looking forward to my kids being completely gone (as in all their stuff) so I can downsize. I will probably stay in the same town, though, as my parents are getting older. I am really tired of taking care of people and an empty nest is sounding pretty good right now. I'm sure when it gets here, though, I will not be so happy! lol</p>
<p>We aren't moving or anything drastic like that. I have been a homeschoolinng mom, so along with the last kid, I lost my job and even my identity in a sense. I toyed with finding a part-time job (H and I have a seasonal business, so I can't really get a full-time job), but H doesn't really want me to work. </p>
<p>He wants for us to have the freedom to do things together when we want. He travels a lot for work, and he is thinking maybe sometimes I could come with him. I don't want to work, so I was really relieved that he didn't expect it. Lest you think I am too terribly lazy, we live on 35 acres and have animals, and there is just lots of stuff to do around here!</p>
<p>Aside from that, I am trying to just be available to people who need me. Last week another empty nester mom I know was seeming very sad in a facebook posting, so I invited her to meet me for coffee. A disabled friend is planning to move, so I went to her house and helped her make lists of what all needs to be done and what needed to be sold. So, it's all kind of miscellaneous stuff, but it's surprising to me how much it seems to really matter to people when you are able to just do small things like that.</p>
<p>My dream is to fix up our unused bedrooms and make them available for people who come to our city for cancer treatment. Some people at our church are very involved with helping cancer patients, so it would just be when they knew someone who had that need. I am pretty disorganized, so it will be awhile before I make that happen, I'm sure, but I really want to do it.</p>
<p>I just sent an email to the guidance counselor at my kids' high school asking if they needed me to volunteer to work with kids who want to go to college but don't know how to "package" themselves to be the best possible candidates. I figure I should put this hard-acquired knowledge to use to help someone whose folks aren't as knowledgeable about the college admission process.</p>
<p>I got a full-time job several months after my daughter, who is my younger child, started college. Prior to that, I had been doing freelance work out of my home in order to have a flexible schedule.</p>
<p>As it happens, most of the people in the office where I now work are on the older side -- between 45 and 65. Many of us are moms or dads with kids who are going to college, who recently finished college and are starting careers, or who are in high school and making plans for college.</p>
<p>You can guess what we talk about whenever we have free time. It's like College Confidential Live.</p>
<p>Marian, we have a satellite group of CC Live, also.</p>
<p>I am wondering what I'll do in two years when both the kids are off to college.</p>
<p>Just after my S started college, I totally switched careers & began a public health non-profit. It's very interesting work and very time consuming. Our house is small enough that we really don't rattler around in it & D isn't leaving our house until January. Even after she leaves, she does plan to come back for the summer, tho S thinks he will probably stay somewhere in CA or other than our state.</p>
<p>I'm not quite sure how it will be, but believe I will be very busy as my parents live pretty near us & are aging (70s & 80s). My sibblings are also around & my sister just finally has all 3 of her girls out of the house--one just got married, one is in grad school thousands of miles away & one is in London in a semester abroad. So far (over the past week or two), she says she loves it, but I suspect it must be an adjustment.</p>
<p>We still have a lot of tuition bills to pay, so I expect to be trying to earn some money for the next few years.</p>
<p>Like timely, I homeschooled my children (used an alternative independent study program and started several programs at that school for my children and others who go there) and volunteered actively in their lives. DD is now at her LAC 3000 miles away, and DH and I are on our own with DS calling regularly to check on our "emotional health." :rolleyes: For now, I am working one day a week (paid, finally) at their school, and I am setting up a schedule to allow me to do the many things I wanted to do before, but never had time. Hopefully, one of the activities will result in an income that will help with the college fees we will be paying for the foreseeable future. I am going to also try to erase the sleep deprivation of 26 years standing. Finally, I am really looking forward to seeing a lot more of DH. I think this could be a rewarding thread...thanks for starting it, APOL.</p>
<p>S2 has been at school for two weeks. I go back to my preschool teaching job today so getting back on track will keep me busy. DH and I took a trip to the beach the first week after S2 left. It was really fun, first time in 21 years we could do whatever we felt like without having to consider someone elses schedule. </p>
<p>We have been planning for years to build and move across the state but it was to be for retirement. While on vacation, DH decided to think about moving the timetable up. So we spent this past weekend poring over houseplans on the internet. Don't know if it will really happen but it is fun to dream and it keeps my mind off of "what is S2 doing?" constantly. </p>
<p>S2 was a four year starter on the football team at his h.s We lived football. The home opener is this Friday. DH says we are going. I know it's going to be really sad when the team takes the field and someone else is wearing S's jersey and playing his position. I'll go but I think it's going to give me a stomach ache!</p>
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I know it's going to be really sad when the team takes the field and someone else is wearing S's jersey and playing his position.
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<p>That one was very hard for me, too. Younger S was starting HS the year after the oldest graduated and took his brother's number (same sport), so we went 8 years with one of our kids wearing that #10 jersey. My heart sank the first time I saw someone else wearing it. Although we do still occasionally enjoy going to the games, it's not the same without one our kids there.</p>
<p>I went to the mall yesterday and it was not the same without my daughter. We always shopped together. She is my baby! My son is already a senior so I have had time to adjust to his absence. My daughter and I were "friends". I miss all the conversations in the car. She didn't get her license until she was almost 18, so we spent lots of time together in the car. I have been at home for 21 years! How do you get a job without references? I type with two fingers so an office job is out! I have a teaching credential so I could sub, but I would rather be around adults for a change. I have done volunteer work but now I would like to have a "real" job. I want to reinvent myself at 50 plus. I guess it is never to late.</p>
<p>I've not really seen the big impact on life's transitions that others do. I never saw a big transition in going to college or living in an apartment on my own just after my 21st birthday or marrying or even having a child (that was the one life experience everyone <em>assured</em> me would have me thinking, "Wow, things have really changed"). When our son moved out at age 14 to graduate school, I felt sorry to lose his company (as he has both a sense of humor and a wisdom which I find very nice and helpful to have around), but it didn't really change my life that much other than perhaps that I was more willing to do "risky" things (like go on rides that hang out from the top of the Las Vegas Stratosphere hotel) as I felt that if I died now, it wouldn't really be that big a deal as my husband's a great guy and could find another wife (a younger one who could give him more children as I didn't want more than one and he'd ideally have two or three) and my son was fine living on his own, and my life was already plenty full so if I checked out anytime from here on out, that wouldn't be some awful tragedy (though my son and husband disagree with me here, sadly) and I could do "riskier" things (which isn't to say I go overboard, I don't feel, as I do enjoy living and would like to have many years of healthy life).</p>
<p>The only thing I can think of that I did once our son moved out that I had been wanting to do since I was 10 years of age and just hadn't done it for whatever reasons was write and publish a book. I've been meaning to write another for over a year now, but alas, I am a lazy bum, so it's not happened. </p>
<p>Now my husband and I hope to get the former playroom cleaned up (it's been used for extra storage for years now) and turn it into a small home theater/exercise room, but we'll see if we ever pull that off.</p>
<p>Son has an apt now so we know he has a place for next summer. Game plan is retirement and move- where to be decided- when he graduates in less than 2 years. It may take forever to sell the house in our area so who knows. Have begun clearing out some stuff- mental list of things to give away if son doesn't want them in a future apt, son's closet to be gone through (he never did and never will)... We had shifted gears when he was in the dorm 2 years ago, then have had to reshift for summers. Now we know he will come home during parts of school breaks, but won't have to because of dorm closures, and the local friends are likewise dispersing so fewer reasons to return. He's now of legal age and we can ignore him like he ignores us- no need to be available for emergencies. Time to reinvent our life as a couple, too bad we aren't in the same health as before kid so many years ago. All those little unpleasant quirks have begun to develop- and they're different for each of us so his and her limitations don't match up and sometimes would dictate opposite ideal environments, sigh. Once two years go by you don't even know the major players for school sports/plays et al and the neighbor kids of his generation are now grown and gone. It would be easy to ignore the schools if we didn't have to drive by them everyday. End of an era feeling, time to move on when son heads OOS somewhere for grad school in '10 and H retires.</p>
<p>Well, my H and I just got back from moving our only child into her dorm and my house has never felt so empty. I guess the move-in went okay (she's nervous and excited, but seemed to be okay when we saw her last night) but I'm a weepy mess. Everything in the house reminds me of her. For now I refuse to go into her room or into her bathroom - the silence is just too much right now!</p>
<p>I know it will get better. I go back to work tomorrow and then there are the ramped-up volunteer activities. For now, though, I'm just really really really sad.</p>
<p>I feel the way you do, Scout59. For 18 years, our s was the center of our universe. Maybe for some, that's pathetic. I keep flashing back to memories of his younger ages and I'm an emotional wreck! I hear it gets better but for now, it's just so very, very difficult.</p>
<p>Peace corp?</p>