<p>Curm- I am with you there, nothing quite replaces the excitement of seeing a group of kids you know well take their sport to the top</p>
<p>Yes, empty nest here, too. I mostly stayed home to raise three kids, but six years ago went to work at our company full time. Three years ago quit, because the kids needed me home. Now my last has gone. She was my little buddy and told me everything. I mean everything. She was very nervous about going away, so I thought that I would just HAVE to visit her frequently, you know, to "comfort" her. Of course my DD is not missing me at all (yet!), and I am trying to figure out if we should fire the person who took over for me so I can get back to work. (kidding - that would not be nice, but I will have to get back to work somewhere.) </p>
<p>My husband asked me if I would like to take a trip for a few days to some places that I have always wanted to visit. I cried and so did he, because he misses our three as much as I do.</p>
<p>somemom, I was thinking more about the whole voyage, boo-boos and all. </p>
<p>But you are right the team stuff was oh so much fun. ;) And remember what your clinically confuddled Uncle Curmie always says - "If it ain't vicarious, it ain't really living".</p>
<p>I'd bet you saw a lot of booboos on the way to state champs! We did</p>
<p>I truly don't know if my marriage will survive an empty nest.</p>
<p>After being at home with the kids for 22 years when D2 leaves and married for 30 I'm more worried about whether we will survive retirement! I'm used to having my own time! Yikes!!!</p>
<p>I am in a fog. 1 year ago our plan was still that we would have S for 1 more year and D for 3 more. Within the space of a year everything changed. D left for boarding school last week and this morning S left for a year abroad (10 months!) in lieu of his senior year of HS. Spouse is doing great but I am a wreck. I am supposed to be working but I can't focus. If it were a normal day (as in any time before today) I wouldn't even notice since I'd be seeing one, other or both tonight. But it's not normal anymore and I miss them like crazy. I hope this passes soon. Before they left I thought I had it all together, was thinking how I would use my newfound space, etc. Today I just want to curl up in a ball.</p>
<p>One more week until I am officially an empty nester when DS leaves for college. Happily, leaving for college for him is a 10 minute drive (make it 20 with the current construction). Still, he is a boy and I doubt I will see him much at all. I asked if we could take him to dinner every other week and he said absolutely not, it wouldn't be the true college experience. I'll remember that when he wants to bring his laundry home. What I am really struggling with is D1 moving over 1,000 miles away last week. She graduated 2 years ago and moved back to Chicago. It was great because she was on her own (especially financially!) but close enough and a great excuse for H and I to go into the city. Now she is starting a 5 year (at least) Phd program in Boston. D2 also left last week for her junior year at college in Massachusetts, but at opposite ends of the state. I just hate their empty bedrooms, especially remembering that wonderful feeling of going to bed at night with them all tucked sweetly into their beds/cribs. I did go from part time to full time work so I am busy. Thank goodness for the puppy.</p>
<p>Puppy. Hmmm....may have to give that some thought. </p>
<p>On second thought, it's puppy or spouse - that has been made clear many times.</p>
<p>I got a puppy last Christmas, as a surrogate for things to come. It helps a bit, but still doesn't fill the void.</p>
<p>Having a puppy would just make me reminisce about smacking my toddler son on the nose with a newspaper when he peed on the rug. Dakota, the empty rooms are so...empty to me too. I loved that feeling of having everyone tucked in for the night.</p>
<p>My D suckered me in last year and I bought her a puppy. An Anatolian Shepherd. Working dog. Yeah, right. She works hard at guarding the porch and chasing my deer. </p>
<p>At 100 lbs already (she's still a puppy. Mom weighed 125) she owns the couch. I'm in danger of losing my spot in bed. I have taken to calling her "daughter dog". W and I have issues. Our transfer of physical affection from D to this dog is almost embarrassing. It would be embarrassing but no one else lives out here to see us fawn over this beautiful beast. The dog has ADHD and possibly Tourette's. I have never seen a scarier dog when she in one of her moods. Shrieks and growls , big mane standing on end. Truly frightening. A bark so big it'll wake the dead. Kind of like getting between my D and a goal. Not where you want to be. </p>
<p>Smart? She literally taught herself potty training and how to fetch.</p>
<p>Hmmm. Maybe I could teach her to dribble? Are there elite dog colleges?</p>
<p>
[quote]
Our transfer of physical affection from D to this dog is almost embarrassing
[/quote]
</p>
<p>My parents have been the same way with the family dog since me and my brother left the same year. She seems to be getting more and more spoiled everytime I come home...we like to say that the dog is the favorite child.</p>
<p>My D does seem a bit jealous. ;)</p>
<p>My SIL has never married or had kids--she dotes on her dogs, but there's no competition. Never had an interest in taking on any more pets since the kids coerced me to have two bunnies that were supposed to be short-lived. They lived about 6-8 years longer than predicted and we were all allergic.</p>
<p>I have no interest in a dog....waiting (patiently) for grandchildren...will guiltily admit the cats are getting more attention these days</p>
<p>S1 is in bangkok which is a bit worrisome given the recent political activity, but he is keeping in touch (if just to ease his Mom's worries)</p>
<p>S2 came by the house when I was at work today. How did I know? Let me see.....dirt tracked through the house, food left in the liviing room, toilet seat up....gotta love 'em.</p>
<p>I never had any interest in getting a dog and then something came over me when #1 was getting ready to leave for college and we got a puppy. Ditto when #2 was in the college search process. Anyone see a pattern here? S#3 just started his freshman year and a few weeks ago asked if I started looking for his replacement yet, apparently I'm that transparent. Since I think 2 are probably enough for us, I whispered to him, "You're the one that's irreplaceable." ;) He gave me a big smile.</p>
<p>^^my-3-sons, I just smiled to read your marvelous "irreplaceable" story. Whoever said, "Third time's the charm" really knew.</p>
<p>
[quote]
I do have a plan.</p>
<p>Stay alive till she gives me a grandchild.
Steal the child.
Run away.
Teach him/her to play basketball.
Take that wonderful voyage all over again.</p>
<p>Just need to get the wife on board.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>^^Curmudgeon's post reminded me of an actual custom I heard of, from Samoa where the oldest grandchild is sent to the grandmother to raise, to console her empty nestiness.</p>
<p>I found out about it because a pal of mine got pregnant in college in the l960's by a Samoan man. They stayed unwed, but she hid the pregnancy from her boyfriend (broke up with him). She thought if his family found out, they might take the baby from her to send to grandma in Samoa. Eventually, she married someone else and raised her son with her husband. </p>
<p>If that custom is outdated, I'd sure like to know. This all was "back in the day."</p>
<p>@APOL, the OP: It took me a full year to adjust, and I hope it might relieve others to think about that, especially if it's just September and it's your first leaving the nest. It's just been weeks, so far. </p>
<p>After my eldest left for freshman year it took more than a year to reclaim a sense of balance. It felt like a free-fall. I noticed only in Thanksgving of his Sophomore year that I was adjusted. I realized my pride in his accomplishments elsewhere (possible only at college) had gradually eclipsed my missing his presence on a sensory basis around the house (voice, sox, etc.). Seeing the maturity gained when he came home for holidays; hearing a bit about his courses by email; getting to know the younger ones better. But that took me a YEAR, not weeks!</p>
<p>Now that the youngest left home (a year ago) unexpectedly early by a year, I find myself a full year later feeling "okay" about this total empty-nest (H, me, huge dog).
Basically: rearranged my work so it better suits my physicality; spend more time with adults; see my H as best friend again. </p>
<p>I sure do admire Timely for all those things that help others. </p>
<p>It just takes time, and experimenting with a few ways of doing things. Be patient. </p>
<p>On the topic of moving while your kids are in college, I've read that we often underestimate the impact of that on students. They say they're independent, and they are...but a part of them always imagines that childhood house in-tact. Of course go on with your lives, it sounds great. I'm just saying she could surprise you with a comment here or there. Do you think she might want a set of pictures of the inside of the house, before you move, just for her photo/memory book?</p>
<p>I just launched my fourth and final child to a school three thousand miles away last Sunday. I'm proud to say I haven't cried since Monday!</p>
<p>Curmudgeon: your posts make me truly laugh out loud.</p>
<p>I've stayed home with my kids for 28 years and let my husband develop a terrific career, so I am truly experiencing a big change. I plan to take docent classes at our local museum, golf lessons, and have my eye on some needy charities in our town. </p>
<p>I'm feeling disconnected from so many familiar things that have occupied most of my time these past years, such as parent meetings, sports schedules, homework, college applications, etc. I also feel that I'm in a state of mourning for the "active parenting" part of my life that has past.</p>
<p>As for my daughter so far away, I'm experiencing mixed feelings. I'm proud of her for possessing the self-confidence to venture so far, but selfishly sad that I won't be seeing her so often. However, I think in the long run as long as she's happy, I'll be fine. If she calls miserable in a few weeks, I'll probably fall apart! Good luck to all!</p>
<p>Oh--and Thank the Good Lord that I have a dog!</p>