<p>"The Anatolian Shepherd Dog is a breed of dog from Anatolia (central Turkey) and bred for guarding flocks of sheep from wolves, bears, jackals, and even cheetahs[1]." Weighs up to 145 pounds!</p>
<p>The source is Wikipedia, but still impressive stats.... </p>
<p>um, how did you decide on this breed? I'm guessing that the jackal/cheetah problem isn't too big in your area?</p>
<p>waaay OT:</p>
<p>Karen, Izzy (AKA Daughter Dog) comes from a long line of working dogs. She would have been great but for my W and D. They have ruined her.</p>
<p>We lost Laverne and Shirley (Great Pyrenees) . They were the finest dogs this world has ever seen. I've written about them here before at post 78 on this thread. <a href="http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/385663-moving-story-2.html?highlight=laverne#post4612664%5B/url%5D">http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/385663-moving-story-2.html?highlight=laverne#post4612664</a> We replaced them with Thelma and Louise. Louise has the potential to be great. Thelma is an idiot. </p>
<p>They stay with the goats and fallow deer herd (and the red deer hinds and babies until the babies are old enough to run like hell) in the far back pens (about 36 acres) about 1/2 a mile to the cabin. Haven't lost a baby to coyotes or those dang Mexican buzzards so far this year. </p>
<p>Izzy has so far protected us from an overstuffed chair, a leather couch, countless shoes, and a gaggle of skunks. Her favorite game to play with our old ranch poodle (named Poodle) is Jonah and the Whale. Poodle is not amused with Izzy's biblical re-enactment. I think she is an Atheist.</p>
<p>I'd think about a new dog, except:
Just started a new job - totally snowed under by the new demands plus they haven't hired a replacement so I still get 18 calls every day asking how to deal with situations that aren't my problem any more.
House needs MAJOR help, now that new job means we can afford it.
H is more busy than ever with his job.
Parents are having minor health problems that I would like to be able to be nearer and help with.</p>
<p>Yes, I miss the last kid, even more than the others. Days I want to throttle whoever made that poster about "Our job is to give our children roots and to give them wings.". Yes it's true. But I'd really like to just gather them up for a minute sans wings....</p>
<p>Curm, your dog family is wonderful. Can I come visit? My H and kids are all alergic...
I have an aunt in central Texas with a large herd of Nubian goats and 4 dogs to protect them. Might I add that this is a new "homestead" since they outgrew the old one and Aunt is pushing 80. They are a wonder to behold as they guard the fenceline. Dogs and people.</p>
<p>Got the puppy (love him to death, but not quite the same as a child), have house on the market (economy not helping), but I'm with missypie )post #45)...not quite sure if marriage will survive the empty nest. Seems husband wants to go back to acting like he's 18; I feel like I have moved forward. Time will tell.</p>
<p>I thought going back to acting like 18 is moving forward.;)</p>
<p>Curm, I don't think this is off topic at all. Your last post made me laugh out loud, on a day when I'm missing the first born and dreading the upcoming empty nest.</p>
<p>We're Lab people, but I'll look at Anatolian Shepherd's when the time comes to look for surrogate children.</p>
<p>Two years before I'll have an empty nest, but I'm already dreading it. I know that we're "supposed" to live our own lives, and not through our children, and not focus so much on them, but when she leaves I will feel that the best part of my life is over. We had some hard times during early teen years, but the past year has been much better. When she was away this summer, I really missed her. And her first choice college is on the other side of the country, and second and third choices aren't in driving distance either. The only positive I can see so far about the empty nest is that I won't have to cook (I'm a single parent of an only child).</p>
<p>As for finding things to do, I'll probably focus more on career, more from lack of anything better to do, and the need to make more money, than inherent ambition. I'm not into home improvement and don't have the time or finances, or even a burning desire, to travel much. I'll also do some volunteer work, but with aging family members, caregiving is far from over. And I'll train for a triathalon. As for dating, a root canal looks more appealing.</p>
<p>I just hope my big, sweet (135 pound) dog lives a loooong time! But she might make me miss D even more, with all the memories of her puppy days, taking her to dog classes... She was D's dog - I didn't want one, but she did so badly that I gave in, and now I can't imagine not having her. BTW, I don't think any of the dog posts are off topic.</p>
<p>When D left 3 years ago, I was unexpectedly upset for a few weeks. I assumed that the same would hold true for S this year, and braced myself for the "mourning," especially as he hadn't made things as uncomfortable for us as had his dear sister in that senior year.</p>
<p>But...I'm pretty good with it. W has us on the South Beach Diet, we start at the gym next week, I've read two books in the past week and a half, and the Phils and Mets play starting tonight! Life's not bad.</p>
<p>BAAD moment just now. Had a couple decent moments, ok yesterday, productive this am. But something was off. Went into S's room, found myself holding a couple of his favorite stuffed animals...and lost it. Really lost it. These were the stuffed animals that consoled him when he was a little guy, when I was being my imperfect parenting self. I want those moments back to do it right this time. I want them all back. It's like I'm mourning all those phases of childhood that have passed that I never took the time to mourn. Now that he's out of the house, all those phases are coming to me. It is sweet, and sad, and wonderful, and terrible all at once. </p>
<p>Sorry to be so maudlin...</p>
<p>Laxtaxi - Dd just called from the airport as they are boarding the plane to Turkey, and I just teared up. Ten months is a long time! :( It's okay to mourn and be sad - there's a time for everything.</p>
<p>Thanks AM. I received an email from S's host mom saying that he will be at her home by the time I wake up Sunday morning. I am blessed that he has a host mom who gets it. This is one h*ll of a journey we are on, huh?</p>
<p>My son sent the text:</p>
<p>"If they could just stay little til their Carter's wear out"</p>
<p>Neat kid. I bawled like a baby. Again.</p>
<p>This thread comes up every year, and every year most say it gets better with time, this too shall pass.</p>
<p>Yeah right. Just left #4 (the jerky one who sent me the text) 2 days ago for his junior year. And no for the seventh year it ISN'T ANY BETTER!</p>
<p>The rest of the kittens have already put in their requests for Thanksgiving travel, food, extra guests accomodations....leading up to Christmas....to keep me busy</p>
<p>Curm- the boys have me traveling for some home and away games so still getting the sports fix. Daughter made it to nationals last year and hopes to again this year so hopefully I will make it since it is her senior and last year.</p>
<p>As a single mom it has been hard. Really hard. Just sucks.</p>
<p>My only saving grace is our state has lots of great in-state grad programs. However, that crafty and wiley #4 kitten managed to get himself a nice research/internship in Boston this summer and ended up enjoying that particular institution way too much for my liking. Spread his enthusiasm to his other siblings. Not liking it at all. Hmpf</p>
<p>I don't have an empty nest, I have a little ole' shoe that is way too big.</p>
<p>Kat</p>
<p>My only child left for college last year. You would think I would be used to it by now. I did cry a lot the first few weeks especially every time I walk by his room. I could not even bear to go into the room. Eventually it did get better. I even found a job just to keep myself busy.</p>
<p>Anyway, DS is a sophomore now and will be leaving in 2 weeks. I am already dreading it. I got used to him being at home for the summer (3 whole months!!!). Now he will be leaving again. I am already getting teary thinking about it.</p>
<p>curm, your post 33 made me cry. (So true, so true.)</p>
<p>I agree with others that the real change comes if, when, they decide to set up a household, particularly if that is not local. D has decided to put off grad school or the next academic stage in her life, after she graduates next year. I agree; she needs the breather, & no one deserves it more for working her buns off since age about 4. But it means no more 'summers home.' (Not many jobs provide a full summer off.) I completely want her independence for her -- a thrilling & essential passage for any young person: it's just that I want to be in the same City to watch her blossom & still be there as the shoulder to cry on; she wants that, too. She & I want to be able to visit each other whenever we want. My career is on one coast; her friends & preferred lifestyle are currently on the other coast. (D2 is headed off to an in-State college in less than 2 weeks; she needs big sis, too, & will have her less after sis graduates.)</p>
<p>OTOH, I have always planned, & still do, that this is their home away from home. Down-sizing? I can't imagine that unless I had to. I would hope that no matter where I lived, there would always be a bed or two for my own children or for a guest. They're permanently a part of me even after their own future marriages. </p>
<p>At minimum, for the next 4 yrs D2 will need a true home for summers, holidays, when the campus shuts down. So technically I can't call myself a bonafide empty-nester because the second child is still not independent. But it definitely feels that way, definitely. </p>
<p>I'm one of these people who loves passionately & never confuses love of persons with love of career, activities, or pets (although those 3 are wonderful & fulfilling in different ways). To me, they're on very different planes. It's a blessing to have one or more different foci, or re-emphases, but I cannot fool my heart that those "replace." I already work more than full time (a recent development; I got the job late last year); working more would not be healthy & would postpone the grief. If anything, I plan to commit to vacation time, plan it ahead of time, to visit D1.</p>
<p>D1 and I have already talked about this. I plan to get Skype, & I've already signed up for some 'frequent flyer' points on one airline. My company is actually national, so I suppose there are transfer opportunities, but that would not solve anything for D2's needs, & all my roots are on the opposite coast from D1.</p>
<p>I adore pets, and because I do, I could not do something so cruel as to acquire one & abandon it 5 days a week when I leave for my job. (However, if I didn't work, or worked part-time, yes, I would definitely get one or more!)</p>
<p>So my plans, relative to the soon-to-be college grad? </p>
<p>(1) Mommy works <em>less</em> overtime: Model myself after a colleague who commits to particular long weekends to visit her adult children in various states; like me, she's a bear of a worker but unlike me, refuses to work O/T, and we're all salaried. She doesn't cave in on those vacation commitments even when we are 'crisis-busy.'
(2) Actual, old-fashioned letters -- which D1 loves. I'm resurrecting this lost art, which a few dear friends of mine still have. Regularly sent, too.
(3) Surprise gifts sent randomly.
(4) Skype
(5) Frequent phone calls.</p>
<p>The day that D1 physically removes every item of hers from our home is the day that I check myself into a hospital. I think by that time we would probably already be on the verge of living near each other, since neither of us have any intention of my being a distant grandmother.;)</p>
<p>Oh, how could I forget point 6 in my plan? Win the lottery; become bi-coastal.:)</p>
<p>Okay, so exactly WHEN am I supposed to start feeling better?</p>
<p>It's been a week now. I'm over the crying-when-I-walk-into-her-room phase(solution: Don't walk into her room. Works somewhat, but I do have to keep feeding that hamster.) I'm over the crying-when-I-hear-her-music-on-the-radio phase (solution: Don't listen to the radio, except for talk radio, which makes me angry anyway.) In other words - I'm avoiding the triggers that usually make me weepy, and that helps, but.....</p>
<p>Mostly I just feel sad. Life seems duller. I'm not suicidal but I'm not happy either - it's like the edges are worn off my feelings. I know this sounds like depression, and maybe it is (I've never been really depressed before, at least not clinically.)</p>
<p>Meanwhile, D seems to be adjusting well (I try not to bug her too often with phone calls, but we do IM.) She's a very even-tempered kind of girl (low drama), and while she has some complaints she also says she's happy (a 9 on a scale of 10 - I asked!) She also says she's not homesick excpet for the boyfriend. I'm reallly glad to hear she's happy. Now if only I could say the same!</p>
<p>scout, I think there is no effective way to avoid grief; there are only ways to postpone it. I vote for grieving -- having lived already through much grief in my life. </p>
<p>One of the many books that the late Alan Watts wrote is called "The Meaning of Happiness." He was very influenced by Eastern religions, and while I am not a Buddhist or anything like that, the philosphy of the East can be helpful for us Westerners when it comes to the issue of suffering. The point he makes is that the suffering itself is the path to healing, and that trying to "change" the suffering merely prolongs it. The suffering has to be embraced, at least passively, by not standing in its way or trying to 'control' it.</p>
<p>This sounds corny, but 'sitting with' the absent person/presence (for example, in the room) can be one of many paths for that healing. Heavens, you have earned every right to cry, so let the floods come. You can't know ahead of time when you're 'supposed to start feeling better.' Being in the room is a way of silently touching their presence, no? Is this not why we visit the gravesites (don't mean to sound macabre!) of our loved ones? I know that when my father died -- he & I being very close -- I felt his presence near me & at the cemetery as well, after his death. Yes, it was painful -- the missed presence -- but it was healing for me to acknowledge that I missed him. Then I could move on.</p>
<p>I also think that no matter how independent our children declare they want to be, or are, they do like hearing that we miss them. If my parents had never said that after I left, I would have wondered if they were thrilled that they were finally 'rid' of me. So even in tension-filled times with my mother, after I left, I was glad to hear often, "I miss you." (And I don't think that's "bugging" them!)</p>
<p>:)</p>
<p>My S is bemused that whenever he comes home, there is a "shrine" where he generally occupied space--his room (less so since D likes to sleep there or study there sometimes), and his computer area in the living/family room. He got a bit upset that I finally decided to organize after his Christmas visit & he felt things were a bit squished by his desktop that he hasn't used in over two years. He grumbled even tho I pointed out that I use his desktop far more than him & we needed to be a bit more organized in the living/family room.</p>
<p>S & D talk about settling back in Honolulu, tho believe they may need to live in LA for a while to get "established." We will see how their lives evlove, tho I can't imagine seling or downsizing. When we bought this house when I was pregnant with D, H said it is the house he plans to live out his entire life & we're very happy in it. It is big enough for the four of us and still small enough that it doesn't echo when the kids aren't around.</p>