Interestingly we are making new friends. Even though we have lived here for 23 years, I feel like we just moved here. Joined 3 meetups and went to 2 events- all new people. Got a puppy and already met new people just getting out. I feel like there was a whole other world out there I had been missing.
We, too, outgrew the demographic of our old neighborhood and moved into an active, but non-age-restricted, adult golf community about 50 miles from our old home. We were so excited to take part in all the activities and clubs here and make new friends, but we’ve found that because we still work and many of our neighbors are seasonal, we haven’t been able to participate in the life of the community as much as we’d hoped. We plan to retire next year and join the cooking and book clubs to start. We’ve been to several wine tastings here and have met a few people that way. We invited one couple from that activity to our home for dinner. We had a nice time, but didn’t really click on a level that will go anywhere.
DH and I have been cooking together for over 30 years and will entertain any number but prefer 6-8 (including us) for the reasons @nottelling described. Inviting people over to share good food and easy conversation was the way we made friends in our old neighborhood. Since we moved here last year, we’ve had more of our old friends down than new friends over. It’s a process for sure.
We do not feel like making friends is a need. We talk to people on vacations. Other than that, you know how it goes, go to work, gym, for a walk, attend to your other hobbies if any, go to bed, watch TV to fall asleep get up and cycle repeats. The main entertainment is a job, both of us do not feel like we need any more in addition. I belong to the professional guild (not my career, just a hobby), but most people there are not working and are very different. I socialize with them only when we have sales, sales are fun though.
Another vote for tennis here. And for those of you who think you’re too old for tennis, you’re not. My partner at one point was 89 when I was in my mid 30’s.
She didn’t start playing tennis until she was in her late 50’s. She’d had two hip replacements and kept on playing! She was a fantastic player-anything that came within her reach she put away with a devastating slice, and I was happy to run around the baseline lobbing back anything that got past her.
I’ve been playing on and off since I was six years old, and at times I’ve played very competively, but really I like the easier levels. Our sunday team brings beer to practice! (I don’t drink beer, but you get the idea that it’s very social). Teams have different vibes, too-every now and then we’ll play the team where all the ladies have matching outfits, right down to their manicure, and are VERY focused on the fact that tennis is a HUGELY significant part of their lives. We aren’t like that, but you get what I’m saying about that there is a team out there for you.
If you’re an introvert, you might like T2-you meet up with your partner and your opponents, you play, and then you go home, and you set it all up on the website so you’re not calling people you don’t know. I find that it doesn’t give me enough of the socializing that I like to do, but it is an excellent option for many.
We have people on our team who literally picked up a racket about a month ago. It is remarkable how fast you can pick up the game, especially if you were at all athletic when you were younger. Even if you are overweight, have bad knees-everyone of every shape plays. My partner last season had had a baby a few weeks before and we had to take breaks so she could pump!
Some other options-NextDoor is an intranet for neighborhoods all over the US. Our 'hood is on it, and we have the book club signup there, etc. We do call it Crazy NextDoor Neighbor because of the internecine spats about dog poop that perennially crop up, but there is always someone organizing a group walk in the morning for the older people, and there’s actually an empty nesters club that gets together once a month to do fun stuff.
MIL plays bridge, and that is enough socializing for her (she’s an introvert).
I volunteered at the library, and that was a great group of people (mostly retirees).
" And for those of you who think you’re too old for tennis, you’re not." - not everybody could play tennis. I could not even when I was half my age. I could not do many other things. Knowing your limitations is also a good thing. If you could, good for you. If you could not, do not get disappointed in yourself, there are many things that you could do and much better than your successful tennis player. You just need to try them, one by one and see where you fit… I agree, that the age is not an obstacle for trying!!
In our neighborhood, we have one neighbor who (eight years ago now) took the initiative and invited his five neighbors for drinks on a Monday night. It became a regular thing and now about fifty to 75 neighbors (our of a 5x5 block area, roughly) gather regularly.>>>>>>>>>>>
That is awesome but that is quite a major entertaining challenge, IMO. Expensive, too.
@VaBluebird … I should have been more clear. It’s potluck for food. The host–usually several families get together to host–supplies booze, usually a mixed drink of some kind. The plates, glasses, forks, etc., are all community owned and are passed around. It costs about $100 to co-host (at this point) and most people do it at most every three or four years. The event is on a Monday night and typically runs from 6 to 8 or 8:30.
This thread interested me very much as, I don’t have many close friends in my area anymore (either moved away or drifted away as our kids grew up and no longer hung out with each other). I would loved to play tennis, but found I was no good at it, even 20 or so years ago (although Pickle looks alot of fun, but not played in our cold area much.) But I did take the advice I read here to join a meetup and actually went out of my comfort zone and played scrabble with 6 strangers yesterday. Don’t know how this group will go, but it is a start for me.
I’m going today to play golf at a new club. I’m hoping there will be a woman’s league I could join. Hubby likes tennis so I’m hoping he can find people to play with as well.
Meetups here gives us an opportunity to meet different age groups and do different activities. You can go single or not. We went hiking (20 of us) with 200 member Humanist Group (very nice group ) , went to dinner and an Indie movie fundraiser (40 of us) with the 400 member Adventures Group (kind of fun wild) . Joined the Archeological Group that has 400 members and looking forward to those adventures with desert area ruins and rock art and camping. There are so many groups - it is free, and you can go or not go the last minute. Even in this rural area there are meetups for just about anyone. Vegan , snowshoeing, art, bookclub, religious, volunteering etc. I did not know they even existed except I went to an astronomy club talk and someone mentioned that they went to meetups. I went home and looked it up- of course on the internet. Funny how that happens.
Regarding the post above regarding neighborhood gatherings, often there are a few movers and shakers, but if everyone contributes as able, a movement is born and no one person ends up doing or paying for it all. Having lived in my current neighborhood for 25 years, I have ended up hosting two regular parties per year. Everyone brings wine or beer, and a snack or dish to share, depending on the event. The biggest is the outside potluck in September and my neighbor has a grill, and folks bring their own meat. The prep is a pain, sometimes, but that is more because my life is busier with work. There is some expense for paper products, and some initial drinks to have on hand. The cleaning or yard work needs to be done regardless and paper plates certainly help matters.
A friend does progressive dinners, an idea I’ve always found appealing. Or a monthly lunch with a theme for items to contribute.
RMH, those all sound great!
“Meetups” is an entirely new concept to me. Where do you find “meetups” in your area???
Go to ■■■■■■■■■■ and enter your zip code. I actually took over as organizer of a monthly one for movies and dinner for women over 40 when the old organizer was going to abruptly close it down. I’ve gone to several other groups as well. I have enjoyed the ones more that are for specificage groups (some specify the demographic in their titles, like 40s and 50s Going Out Group or something similar). While some have been enjoyable, I haven’t yet made friendships that have carried over outside the group activities.
I’ve been in the same town for 32 years, so I have a small group of good friends—however, many are leaving now that they are empty nesters. Some of these friends are neighbors and parents of my kids’ friends; that being said, the folks we socialize with the most are people who we met through the Unitarian Church. Unitarians are a fairly social group, so that’s a good way to meet new folks. I live in New England–where the “good fences make good neighbors” mindset seems to prevail. You have to work hard to break that down. A new neighbor started an annual Christmas party for people on our end of the street and someone else started a Fourth of July party (which is a big deal in our town). Both those have been fun and have gotten people together.
I’m aware of that fact. However, the point to my post was that if my 89 year old partner with double hip replacements and cataract surgery could go to the city finals with me and win, then perhaps people who didn’t consider themselves to be able to play tennis might reconsider.
There is also a wheelchair tennis league here, as well, and one of the women on my team is blind in one eye, and manages very well.
So yeah, maybe dead people can’t play.
I totally support ■■■■■■■■■■. But a lot depends on what kind of groups are in your area. In our old home, it was heavily geared to young moms and to older singles so nothing nearby would have helped us meet compatible people.
We joined a Baby Boomers Meetup after we moved out here. Lots of singles, but lots of couples too. There have been plenty of activities to pick from. Plus we got invited to join a small couples breakout group that gets together monthly for dinner. The smaller number in the breakout group allows us to really get to know the others.
I’m thinking of joining a reading club but there don’t seem to be any such clubs that concentrate on trashy romance novels!