<p>i'm an electrical engineering graduate. Throughout my entire life I've never had a girlfriend or anything remotely close. I'm currently in the summer between undergrad and grad school and I've found a girl who is willing to go on dates with me.</p>
<p>We've been on a few dinner dates and I've always paid for her meal. At first she was thankfully and appreciative but now i get the feeling she expects it. What do i do? </p>
<p>I 'm worried that if i stop paying she'll stop going out with me. I also get the sense that she feels that a girl like her is above a guy like me and in order for me to do stuff with me, i'd better keep paying.</p>
<p>If you sense that, then maybe she is not the right girl for you. I’d hate to say that :(</p>
<p>I would try something other than a dinner date for a while.</p>
<p>When the time comes for a dinner date, before going to the restaurant or wherever, maybe tell her that you are a bit low on cash and ask if she can pitch in. If she seems a bit resistant, then maybe you are right about her using you.</p>
<p>I understand how it is quite exciting to have a first girlfriend (I’m 20 and have yet to have a first boyfriend!) but you shouldn’t buy love. Anyway, I hope that is not the case with the girl and everything goes good for you. If not, it doesn’t hurt to move on. I mean, it might sting emotionally, but it would be worse if you stay in a relationship where you are constantly giving.</p>
<p>Hey OP, sorry this is stressing you out! Listen, you shouldn’t have to date a woman who makes you feel like you are “beneath” her. You are smart and successful. You are in a difficult field, and you are headed to grad school. Lots and lots of people don’t start dating until late in life. My current boyfriend didn’t have a girlfriend until he was 26, but it didn’t bother me because he’s a good man who is extremely smart and who treats women well. </p>
<p>If you were with a woman who treated you well and liked and respected you, but didn’t want to pay on dates because she was old-fashioned, I would say that maybe you should talk it through. But the situation sounds different to me. </p>
<p>If you really feel like this woman doesn’t like you for who you are, you should stop dating her. Then, when you get to Grad School City, look around for a woman who makes you feel respected and valued. That’s what I think.</p>
<p>Is “guy like you” supposed to be a disparaging term? Do you have any idea how respected you are on this forum? We capitalize your major improperly when it’s in the middle of a sentence, while leaving all other majors lower-case. I, personally, capitalize words like Quantitative and The Fundamental Theorem of Calculus as a sign of respect to you and yours. </p>
<p>Don’t tell me the reverence that we have for your Quantitative skill doesn’t carry over to your real life. You probably have a half-dozen 6-figure job offers. You are not beneath this or any girl. What does she bring to the table? I bet she isn’t even hot. Care to PM me pics of her?</p>
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<p>Come on. Seriously?</p>
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<p>Read between the lines, he at least wants to lose his virginity.</p>
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<ol>
<li>He’s going for EE so he won’t see girls</li>
<li>“Grad School City”? Why did you capitalize any of that?</li>
</ol>
<p>You need to flaunt your wealth and make it seem like you are richer than you really are. That way she will think you have options and it will even the playing field.</p>
<p>Prothero, he’s going to grad school. He probably has $20k of debt, no job offers, and a GPA under 3.5 which makes him come off as a fool to the girl he’s dating, even if it’s 90th percentile in his major, because she’s probably a psychology major.</p>
<p>In that case it is a quantity game. Don’t count on this girl and play as many as possible. Eventually you will find a straggler who is in dire need for some attention and bring you home to her cocoon.</p>
<p>Definitely do not let her know how you feel, she already knows since you’ve been taking her on dates, and she has been accepting. Now you need to impress her with how cool you are. This can be done in several ways- you could tell her how you are travelling to Africa to set up electrical grids to help poor children. Also don’t act like it’s a date, think of it as an interview.</p>
<p>She is considering an investment in you. Why would anyone invest in a poor grad student? You have to prove otherwise.</p>
<p>“I 'm worried that if i stop paying she’ll stop going out with me. I also get the sense that she feels that a girl like her is above a guy like me and in order for me to do stuff with me, i’d better keep paying.”</p>
<p>That is a lot to infer. Are you sure you aren’t projecting your own insecurities about the situation onto her?</p>
<p>I don’t mean to say that there aren’t plenty of girls out there who think broke guys are beneath them, unfortunately, but you didn’t exactly exude dating confidence in your post and it would be a shame to waste an opportunity if she doesn’t really have such snobby inclinations. After a few dates it’s reasonable to ask to split the check. Do it and see how she responds. If she pitches a fit about it, then you’re probably right. If not, it’s safe to proceed.</p>
<p>"Thermo- the only thing you can really do (unless you want to keep things as they are, and obviously you don’t) is talk to her.</p>
<p>Let her know how you feel- if she’s worth your time, she’ll respond positively. If not, then she’s clearly not worth your time."</p>
<p>That seems like a good idea. I have a decent funding package for grad school if it really came down it I could pay for her but I’m more against the principal, how she expects me to pay. So my options are</p>
<p>a) talk to her about it
b) go out and when the waiter asks about the bill, say “separate”
c) other??</p>
<p>Which do you guys recommend?</p>
<p>"That is a lot to infer. Are you sure you aren’t projecting your own insecurities about the situation onto her?</p>
<p>I have to admit this is the first time a girl has taken ANY sort of interest in me, ever. Nothing in high school and even nothing in undergrad. Thats probably why I’m insecure and lacking in self confidence.</p>
<p>“Definitely do not let her know how you feel, she already knows since you’ve been taking her on dates, and she has been accepting”</p>
<p>Shes been accepting because I’ve been living up to her expectation of paying for everything. I don’t really want to do that anymore and I don’t know how things will turn out.</p>
<p>As FatAnorexic said, definitely do a before b. I’d consider it insulting if b was thrown at me like that, but perfectly fine splitting the check (or even picking up the tab once in a while) if it was discussed beforehand.</p>
<p>Yeah as a girl, if you did b, I would be very put off. If she’s been expecting you to pay, she may not even have any money with her (I always do just in case, but you never know). Discuss it with her beforehand.</p>
<p>She may expect you to pay because as a college woman, I never have to buy alcohol. Guys I don’t know buy my friends and I drinks, so maybe she’s just used to guys paying for her. Just tell her you’re broke and it’s tough to pay the whole bill, or do something that’s free. </p>
<p>Have you ever seen she’s out of my league? Any 5 can get a 10, don’t short yourself. In terms of dating: there are actually peoplewho just don’t want to date. It’s awkward and uncomfortable sometimes. Nothings worse than having a guyyou just met keep asking you out. Some people enjoy dating, others don’t. I enjoy not being tied down in a relationship, but if the right guy comes along, I could surrender that freedom. </p>
<p>I actually don’t like it when guys offer to buy me things because I feel some sort of obligation (not hooking up type thing). Once you start going out regularly it’s customary to either split bills or for the woman to pay sometimes. But there arguys out there who pay all the time, and maybe she was with. Guy who always paid, and she’s not just using you for free dinners. I wouldn’t go out with someone I didn’t like for free dinner, so she probably likes you. Just talk to her and don’t speculate.</p>
<p>I want pics of the OP and the girl so that we can give him better advice. She probably isn’t even hot so he shouldn’t for a second behave like he’s beneath her.</p>
<p>Because looks determine whether two people are compatable with eachother. Who cares if she’s prettier. Don’t think someones out of your league bc of looks.</p>