<p>Thread deleted on advice of a poster. Please disregard.</p>
<p>Hopefully you see this soon enough to edit your post. Please DO NOT post your essay in a public forum. Send it individually to those you trust for critique.</p>
<p>That was interesting story! I liked it :).</p>
<p>A couple things, though. You used the words “Mike” and “would” a lot in my opinion, so maybe you could try changing a few of those for other words. Also, take out the second time you say “a SEAL,” since it’s repetitive. A few sentences could be made better with a few changes in word choice also. Other than that, good job!</p>
<p>Thanks for the advice. I think I agree with you. I’m going to remove the essay if people think there is a reasonable risk of someone stealing it, but there are only about 15-30 nrotc students at any given college, so I thought my concept was pretty safe.</p>