Essay Critique: How 9.11 changed me

Parents Forum
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<p>Sometimes I feel like I have no business talking about September 11th since I was one of the lucky ones who didn't have anyone working or living in New York City. The essay is basically about how 9.11 sparked an interest in what I thought was the most boring subject in the world: History.</p>

<p>It is now my favorite subject though :)</p>

<p>I want the opinion of an adult since I already asked several of my friends to look over it
and my parents aren't native speakers of the English language. </p>

<p>Post here and I'll PM you the essay. Please look over it! Thanks parents of CC!</p>

2

<p>You've chosen a terrible essay topic, in my opinion.</p>

<p>If the intro mentions September 11th and then segues, quickly, to a discussion of your love of history, it might be OK.</p>

<p>Otherwise, it sounds like an essay about other people's experiences (ie my grandma was great).</p>

3

<p>Yeah. I agree that it's a terrible topic...at least if you are going to use a title like what you've done for this thread.</p>

<p>9.11 changed EVERYONE. There are plenty of stories out there, and probably a ton of kids who are using that as their essay topic. You won't stand out. If you can pinpoint your interest in history to that exact moment, then by all means trace it back to that point, but definitely don't build up the 9.11 scene since everyone already knows what happened and where they were.</p>

<p>If you absolutely must mention 9.11 acknowledge your position that your story is no where near as compelling/traumatic/important as those of the victims/rescuers/families that suffered through the tragedy.</p>

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<p>Agreed. Something along the lines of "I didn't always have an interest in history, though it seems like a long time ago, since it was first sparked by 9/11. No need to go into the import of that date, but since then...though I was not personally involved......"</p>

<p>only written better than that.</p>

5

<p>Along Garland's line, but with positive tone. "My interest in history began with the horrific events on 9/11..."</p>

<p>Address what events you began to explore, how reading about one topic led to another.</p>

<p>Anyway, any topic that illustrates who you are and how you think, that shows your passion, could be interesting.</p>

6

<p>I didn't read the essay..
but the topic seems kind of melodramatic to me, if you were not personally affected by 9/11.</p>

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<p>thanks for the advice. I sent ses my essay and [she?] was particularly harsh, so much so that I decided to rewrite my essay on a different topic altogether. I saw where she was coming from though. </p>

<p>Thanks for all the help.</p>

8

<p>You can still write a great essay about your love of history, your wanting to know what makes people tick, what causes lead to certain events, and so on. But the essay has to be about you, in your own voice.</p>

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<p>far too big a theme for a college essay. I anticipate a big yawn from adcom readers.</p>

10

<p>Having read this post I'm a little concerned. My s wrote on a 9-11 memorial he built for his eagle project. Is it the topic of 9-11 itself you object to as an attempt to pull on adcoms heart strings, or something else?
Thanks</p>

11

<p>vistany-</p>

<p>The OP's artice was merely a narration of his experience on September 11 (watching the TV at various relatives' houses) with a sentence at the end about how he loves history.</p>

<p>Your son's essay could be very good. But make sure the essay is about him and his experience. It should make the admissions officers respect/care about/be interested in your son. Not the victims of 9/11, not his troop leader, etc etc</p>

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<p>Vistany:</p>

<p>I agree with SES. Your son could write about how he designed the memorial, what he wanted it to convey, how he chose the materials, and so on. It has to be about him.</p>