Hey, i’ve been working on my essay which would be going to a lot of top schools. I was hoping I could get some help/suggestions from the people on this board. Some of my concerns are just the overall content. There are probably some grammar problems. Also there is sort of a shift in the second to last paragraph, that I am wondering would be better saved for the end. I kind of just wanted it to be in the stream of events which is why I did it this way. Also its 652 words, so if you can find way to shorten it, that’d help.
<pre><code>My heart filled with fear as I felt the leash go limp. Slowly I turned to confirm my suspicions, and as I had imagined, my dog had managed to escape from her harness. She sat, almost grimacing at my error, aware that I had inadvertently freed her. As I moved ever so slowly towards the animal, hoping she had not discovered my mistake, she darted into the unforgiving woods. My heart sank, but even so I dashed into the woods. If I could catch her early, my unsuspecting parents would never know. Hence, the arduous hunt began.
Claiming the role of hunter, I relentlessly kept my eye on my prey as we jetted through the woods. Only moments before my dad had bestowed upon me the responsibility of walking the dog for the first time. David he lectured, always remember to put the leash through both her chain and harness. Previously I had dismissed such instructions as frivolous, seeing myself as more than capable to walk the dog down the street without any complications. Ashamed of my own irresponsibility, and afraid of their disappointment, I couldnt go back to the house.
Weaving through trees and dodging logs, I fell farther and farther behind. The loud thumps of my feet hitting the ground. The smell of perspiration dripping down my forehead. I was having trouble keeping up with her small, maneuverable body as I fought my way through brush. Hearing a tare, I looked down, only to see a gaping hole in my recently purchased Nike T-shirt. I couldnt help but feel deserving. The chase in the woods eventually brought me to a stagnant stream. Finding no easy passage, I plunged into the stream. Unfortunately, the dog had eluded me in the commotion, and I was left there, dripping wet, torn shirt, and exhausted. Eventually I emerged in a neighborhood I had never seen before. My embarrassment that a place so close could seem so foreign to me was interrupted by my parents calling. They correctly reasoned dog walks do not take nearly this long. I have always been one to try to fix my mistakes before seeking my parents aid.
I regrettably slumped backed to the house, eyes staring down at my soaked feet to avoid contact with my parents. No words were exchanged, but I hoped my disheveled appearance was of some value. I changed into more seasoned clothes, and headed out. I refused to let their hard earned trust evaporate.
What had started out as a battle with mans best friend, transformed into an illuminating event. My narcissistic approach to this simple task was the origin of the disastrous situation. This mere dog search contained parallels in my own life as a team captain and class president. I realized that being a leader does not guarantee that my way will always be the right way. On the contrary, I must listen to what more experienced people have to say, and take an open minded approach to everything I do. Little did I know this event is just one of a series of events that would help expand my mind to be better suited to the diversity of college life. Whether tutoring a student the night before a big exam, or delivering the motivating speech before a game, I have a responsibility as a leader to lead by example and listen to the concerns and suggestions of my peers. Over the years I have found much gratification in seeing my goals, and the goals of those I lead, both intertwined, come to fruition.
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Darkness was setting in. Finally, a glimmer of hope came in the form of jingles from her chain. I approached her like a cat ready to pounce. By now the beast was fatigued, and I was filled with adrenaline. Before long she capitulated. I proudly carried my spoils back, glowing at my triumph over both beast and nature.