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1

<p>What would this essay get? Anyone have suggestions for improvement? Do these examples fit the topic? Thanks in advance! </p>

<p>Talking is clearly the most effective and satisfying way of communicating with others. It allows for communication to be less impersonal and more effective and satisfying. Inflections in tone and body language, key components that help one convey their message more accurately, are much more present and identifiable. Literature and experiments in the business world demonstrate the effectiveness of talking over other forms of communication such as e-mail or texting.</p>

<pre><code>In William Shakespeare’s “Romeo and Juliet,” Romeo and Juliet, two lovers that unfortunately come from two families with a long feud history, rely on letters and messengers for their communication. Sadly, this only leads to confusion and ultimately the agonizing tragedy at the end of the play. Juliet has a plan to take a sleeping drought so that she can avoid marrying the suitor that her parents had picked for her. However, Juliet fails to accurately convey her plans to Romeo in a timely manner through letters and messengers. Since they did not talk about this scheme, Romeo thought that Juliet was dead upon finding her cold and unconscious. Romeo then commits suicide, and when Juliet awakens to find Romeo dead beside her, proceeds to do the same.

Ironically, Facebook, the champion of connecting people online, implemented an experimental policy forbidding employees to speak to each other for one day via e-mail, forcing them to call and talk in person or even meet face-to-face. After this day, surveys revealed that the Facebook employees had genuinely enjoyed the increase interactions and said that talking helped clarify points that would be hard to do so via e-mail. Shortly afterwards, CEO Mark Zuckerberg announced that Facebook had devised a new algorithm for displaying relevant ads, further exemplifying the increased productivity on the day the employees were forced to speak to each other.

Compared to email, text messages, and letters, talking is undoubtedly the most effective and satisfying way of communicating with others. Shakespeare’s “Romeo and Juliet” demonstrates the pitfalls of not talking and the Facebook experiment shows the increased productivity at the company when the employees were forced to talk rather than e-mail.
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2

<p>Anyone, please?</p>

3

<p>Please help! Thanks!</p>

4

<p>I would say maybe a 7. You have some awkward sentence construction, and you should try to analyze more rather than just naming off examples.</p>

5

<p>^You’re absolutely ridiculous. This essay is at least a 9 under the College Board.</p>

<p>One thing I would look at is the strength of your examples. Romeo and Juliet didn’t have the option of meeting up face to face - otherwise, they would have. Also, has Facebook been unproductive every single day in which email or electronic contact was used? Seems a bit silly as an example.</p>

<p>I would urge you to take a balanced viewpoint (if only in your thesis…you don’t have to lead it through necessarily) because these questions aren’t black and white. The 12’s I’ve seen have been truthful and not heavily one-sided. Example: While technology in the form of email and Facebook have increased efficiency and have certainly broadened the potential volume of communication, the quality of communication inherent in talking face-to-face with someone is irreplaceable.</p>

6

<p>^^
Don’t call people ridiculous for grading something from their own perspective, maybe I’m considered a harsh grader, but guess what? There’s harsh essay graders in the ETS as well. Personally, I just thought the writing level could be improved and he could have expanded on the examples more. Maybe a nice grader would have given him a 9+, but there’s always gonna be that one hard *** who gives out lower scores, and everyone should be prepared for that.</p>

<p>“Talking is clearly the most effective and satisfying way of communicating with others. It allows for communication to be less impersonal and more effective and satisfying.”</p>

<p>If you think that is a good enough intro for a 9+ then you should work on your writing style.</p>

7

<p>I think you should use more examples and depth, but I thought your writing style was pretty good.</p>

<p>I’d probably give it a 9/10</p>

8

<p>Thanks so much for all of the feedback!</p>