<p>could I possibly get some feedback for my common app question #4 response? This is my first draft but any critique is welcome!!
Waiting in line I could hardly wait to receive my cabin placement. Which bunk would become mine for the next three weeks? What activities would I participate in? Would my friends from last year be in my cabin, or would I make a plethora of new friends? Questions were rushing through my head while everyone in front of me was turning in their information sheets and ordering care packages. Eventually my name was called and the summer of my dreams finally began.
Camp Cory provides a haven for children, adolescents, and young adults to be themselves. Everybody is crazy, silly, and eccentric in his or her own way, but nobody is ever judged. We form a family that makes memories lasting a lifetime. From zip lining upside-down to cha-cha lines during taco night to singing taps as a whole camp at the last campfire, we all are the happiest we could ever be. Camp is a place where I don’t have to worry about what I am wearing or how my makeup is that day. The only thing I have to worry about is what activity I might want to participate in for free hour that day.
The days are packed with fun activities and games, full of friends and laughter. Racing from swimming to high-ropes to music and drama, there isn’t a moment of boredom. Every hour is spent with different friends, both new and old. Smiles never leave our face and everything seems right. There isn’t a care in the world. We play camp wide games and sing songs by the campfire. The days are full of enjoyable and exciting experiences that invoke joy and the nights allow time to relax and connect with friends. Devotional every night allows for us to become closer with our cabin mates. We share our secrets and values, knowing that we can trust each other. It is a time to decompress, to share what is important to us, and to make friends that will be there for us throughout our whole life.
Camp doesn’t only provide a summer of happiness; it provides a lifetime of happiness. Camp Cory will remain a part of me wherever I go in life. I will never forget the lessons I have learned from my counselors, many of who are my biggest role models. I will always be best friends with my cabin mates and will always cherish the multitude of memories I have. I will remember the delightful feeling of campers telling me I changed the life. I will never forget the camp dances, the starry nights, the polar bear plunges, or the swims across the lakes. The zip lines, the games of gaga, the campfires, or the talent shows. The reveille, the taps, the crazy dining hall meals, the sailing. The friends, the counselors, the days, and the nights. Camp will travel with me and will always remind me to be who I am because everybody else has a little crazy in them too.</p>
<p>This is a pretty good description of your camp, but this essay needs more about <em>you</em>… How long have you been going to this camp? Are there any experiences or elements of the camp that you–not just the average child or teenager–enjoy?</p>
<p>Also be specific about the “lessons” you’ve learned and the people whose lives you’ve changed. Remember, more than saying something creative, you have to use college essays to say something personal and indicative of why you would be a good addition to the colleges you’re applying to.</p>
<p>I think @OnMyWay2013 hit the nail on the head. Your essay sounds more like a referral for your camp and less like a description of your identity. I’d suggest trying a new topic.</p>