Essay help?

<p>I've been having a really hard time coming up with an essay. After a few ones that I've thrown out, I settled on a stream of consciousness-type essay. Could someone rate my essay or tell me what he/she thinks of it? I don't even know where to start. Any constructive criticism would be much appreciated!</p>

<p>Tick. Tick. Tick. Silence. Nothing but me and a clock. And a bed. And a Star Wars poster. And- okay, admittedly, there’s a lot of stuff in here. But the point is, it’s just me. My phone buzzes. It’s okay, they can wait. There was a time when I would give anything to be in contact with my friends around the clock, but now I crave these rare moments when I can just be alone. Tick. What am I doing here? The rest of the world is moving on around me, but I’m lying on a bed, listening to the ticking of a clock. There goes another Tick that I’ll never get back. Time is passing me by and I’m trying to catch up to a clock that’s always one Tick ahead. That’s my phone again, but it’s probably not important. There are birds chirping outside my window. I wonder what it would be like to be one of them. I’d like to soar above everyone else, without a care in the world. If I were a bird, I think I’d like to be an eagle. Majestic and proud and respected. I went hang gliding once. I think being a bird would be a little bit like that, but lighter. Oh, they flew away. I bet they have somewhere to go. Even the birds have something to do. Tick. Some people fear being alone. I used to be like that. Ever since my friend stopped talking to me entirely at the age of ten, I was always worried about others leaving me. But somehow, I don’t mind it anymore. Of course, I still enjoy being with others, but these moments of solitude are so few and far between that I can’t help but cherish each time they come around. Tick. Like I said, it’s just me. Tick. I’m alone. Tick. And I’m happy. Tick.</p>

<p>I like where you’re going with the stream of consciousness, but your essay shows both that you’re comfortable alone and a very small social problem (friend issue). Colleges don’t really want to see that they want people who work together and are level headed (especially in today’s global and ever changing world/economy. Didn’t mean to be rude hope it helps</p>

<p>Sorry for the extra but I’d focus a little less on the sensory, tick… Ticks and the long description of the room and focus on your inner thoughts</p>

<p>Amplified nailed it! My thoughts exactly. I thought I’d hate it - it violates most “rules” - but I ended up liking it… with the exception of exactly what Amplified said. I also came away with an undertone of a slight misfit even though you tried to avoid that. You might want to emphasize the joy of getting a RARE chance to chill for A MOMENT and reflect on things before you jump back into the fray of the busy world…</p>

<p>that wasn’t rude, it was great. Thanks!</p>

<p>any idea what exactly i should take out or edit?
thanks so much for your help!! :)</p>