Essay Help!?!?

<p>a begining to my common app essay, very first draftish, any comments or criticism will be appreciated, thanks</p>

<pre><code>As my turn approached I was full of apprehension and hesitation, thoughts began racing through my mind and an answer was desperately sought. Two seconds later, twenty-fours sets of eyes were burning through me waiting to see what ridiculous answer I would give. I opened my mouth to speak but no words came out, after a couple coughs I decided to say the first words that came to mind. With only 5 minutes left of class my teacher said, “Avi, we’re waiting”. So in a sarcastic manner I stated, “My goal in life is to have fun”, with a couple giggles from my peers I was quickly at ease and the situation was soon forgotten. This occurred about a year ago, since then my perspective on life has changed drastically and I have finally realized what I would like to achieve as I move on with my life.
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<p>bumppppppppppppppppppppp</p>

<p>is that all or just the first paragraph?</p>

<p>just 1st paragraph</p>

<p>It seems very long and involved for what you are trying to say, that a year ago you were shallow and sarcastic. It does not set you up as a very sympathetic individual, I guess the rest of the essay shows your turnaround? I would like to see the rest to see how it ends.</p>