<p>I agree with username wholly. He could have expressed himself more. That is the ENTIRE purpose of the essay.</p>
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<p>Always, not oftentimes.</p>
<p>All essays aren’t perfect, but this is pretty close.</p>
<p>^ I had a good laugh.</p>
<p>Thank you for this. It really makes you look into yourself and identify your motive for applying.
“In any event, this essay is a reminder that there are people in the world who have more pressing things to worry about than whether they get into Harvard” I agree 100%</p>
<p>can anybody tell me is it common app or harvard supplementry essay?</p>
<p>He said he got full-aid at most Ivies, so the common app.</p>
<p>I’m also from Nepal. I showed OP’s essay to my mom and she was impressed. Hopefully, I have the same chance he did.</p>
<p>Wow, I’m speechless. What a fantastic essay. What makes it most poignant is the juxtaposition between the morbid images of his uncle’s corpse and the ray of optimism and inspiration that the boy/girl feels. Beautifully written! I wish I could write something equally moving…</p>
<p>It’s awesome like a <em>story</em>.
But, what, that’s not what they want, if to believe them.</p>
<p>Why? Any leadership, commitment, or just anything included in ‘what applicant we search for’?
I wish, he got, since then many of us, ppl from countries alike have a huuuuuge chance to get in.</p>
<p>OMG This dude deserved to get in with a fantastic essay like that.</p>
<p>3 cheers dude…is this writer a dude?</p>
<p>As touching as this story truly is, it is far from reality. If Harvard had somebody with even the slightest knowledge of global affairs in their ad-com then this guy would not have been accepted into the university. As I write this almost five after after it was posted, I hope that the four years of Harvard education has taught you, dear essay writer, enough to restrain yourself from labeling the Nepali Civil Conflict as a fight between the “People” and “Maoist Extremists”. This simplistic interpretation of the conflict was in fact the same rhetoric used by extremist-monarchists to usurp power and <em>dismantle</em> democracy on February 1, 2005.<br>
The views in the essay reflect a prejudiced interpretation of the civil conflict, one that is viewed through the elitist lens of the city folks. Dear essay writer, you see the conflict as that between “good” and “evil”, where you have portrayed the state army as the warriors of justice. Please go tell that to the folks living in rural Nepal, in places like Rolpa and Rukum, where army personnel have raped, kidnapped, disappeared, and murdered uncountable innocents in cold blood. </p>
<p>I apologize for this random digression, but it had to be said out of respect to those who have perished, whose lives destroyed by those very soldiers this essay portrays as heroes. I am no fan of the Maoists myself, for they too have committed atrocities but we need to treat all guilty sides as such, not just those we do not like.</p>
<p>PS: The civil conflict in Nepal has ended (at least for now), and in fact the Maoist rebels have joined mainstream politics. In the 2008 parliamentary election, the Maoists won the plurality of seats in the parliament with more than 35% of the seats (more than the combined number of seats won by next two largest parties in parliament, which alone should indicate who the “people” had supported all along).</p>
<p>While the POV of the essay is certainly biased, keep in mind that the essay is supposed to demonstrate good writing skills and character. This kid prob grew up thinking one way and does that make the impact of these experiences of his life less important? Certainly not. It was well written and conveyed a story as to how this kid gained some experience/awareness of values.</p>
<p>Yes, if all you care about it is if the essay is good enough to get into Harvard, then it does not matter. In fact, using that logic, no content matters as long as the emotion and prose are just right enough to impress the ad-com. One would expect of a Harvard student, that no matter what you grew into you should be able to think for yourself, be able to see the world not just from the lens of your parents, thus <em>making</em> you Harvard material. </p>
<p>"It was well written and conveyed a story as to how this kid gained some experience/awareness of values. "</p>
<p>What values are we talking about here? The “value” that an army commiting all sorts of human rights abuses are angels? That a rebellion born out of extreme poverty, state brutatlity, and centuries of utter neglect are “extremists”?</p>
<p>One thing to think about re this essay is that it is 656 words. When people say “I can’t tell my story in less than 1000 words” or “I’ve cut my essay to 1400 words, and I can’t get another word out,” this essay would be a good exemplar to the contrary. It does three separate things–talk about the death of the uncle, talk about having lived in NYC and moving back to Nepal, and aspirations for the future–with great economy.</p>
<p>If you review the OP’s posting history, you’ll see s/he got into Harvard from the waitlist. So I guess the essay was not a slam dunk. </p>
<p>The essay tells an absolutely compelling story – one that the vast majority of applicants are fortunate not to be able to tell! I agree with those who say it’s a bit overwritten. And I think it’s too long. Even a compelling story can be told more concisely.</p>
<p>I agree the essay was not a slam dunk. </p>
<p>It’s funny, but instructive, to critique an essay from five years ago. This is obviously effective to tell you a lot about the applicant (including that he is part of a conservative political elite, and not a mature analyst of his country’s issues), and it is fairly well written. So it works fine as a college application essay. But it’s not all that. It is overwritten – although perhaps less overwritten than about 95% of college application essays I see, so net points for that – and given its sensational subject matter it’s very cliched. Really, he had an epiphany looking at a pool of his uncle’s blood? And this epiphany made him realize . . . that he agreed with everything his family stood for? And that his country was bleeding, too? What did he think before that? As far as I am concerned, this essay marks the author as a decently skilled b.s.-er. (Want to bet he is NOT back in Nepal today, serving his country?) I’m surprised Harvard waited so long to take him.</p>
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<p>I would definitely agree with that</p>
<p>Too politically charged for my tastes. But then I’m not an admissions officer.</p>
<p>“What values are we talking about here?”</p>
<p>-Nationalism. While I don’t personally agree that one should be proud of Nepal’s actions, the United States has been no saint over the course of history.
-Awareness over the plight of his fellow countrymen, knowing he does not live nearly as difficult of a life–> he should help out others and use what he has.
-Importance of standing up for what you believe in–> His uncle paid the ultimate sacrifice in his desire towards upholding what he believes to be just.</p>
<p>Consider your perspective. I’m sure you feel that the United States government has a perfectly acceptable control over the daily lives of its people. However, from the perspective of far more libertarian EU nations, the United States oppresses its people’s knowledge. To several EU nations, the government has the obligation to disclose much more of its information than what the US government currently does. “Extremists” like wikileaks (though I think they have taken it too far) believe in revealing what the government is doing in its citizens’ names. On another end, socialist countries believe we are neglecting the poor. For example, in several EU states (ah the EU…), health care is considered a universal right. To think that people are so strongly against denying their neighbor health care is considered neglect by several French nationals that I know.</p>
<p>The OP never wrote anything about seeing the oppression. What he saw was anarchists attempting to overthrow the government through a system of terrorism, which happened to affect him personally. Do you think every colonist pre-revolution supported the revolution? Of course not. Many thought that it was pure destruction to revolt against the mother country that supported them, even with the oppression financially.</p>
<p>Your personal bias against the rule of Nepalese army hinders your ability to see that this kid does nothing to suggest that what he perceives as what the army is doing is what you perceive it as.</p>
<p>Plus, as others have mentioned, part of it is BS-ing a little.</p>
<p>That’s just amazing. AMAZING, that’s all.</p>
<p>I know nothing about Nepal, or all that story about the anarchy. And even if I heard something about it, my devoid interest registered the information quite superficially in my brain.
So that essay is plainly amazing.
The guy was writing an essay to get him to college, not a biography. So definitely he has used some level of hyperbole. Writing a college essay involves painting an overrated picture of yourself, so exaggeration is not only important, its mandatory. And the guys at the admission office know that.
So they rate you in how creative you were in presenting your essay. For instance, this guy, did that perfectly. He drags your sub-conscious dip into the situation in Nepal; even if its non-existent. You feel sad, pity, inspired. Yes ‘moved’, that’s the word. You feel moved.
So it really does not matter the accuracy of your details. You could be biased, nonsensical, cynical, even stupid. But if your essay drags me into your stupidity for that moment that I read it, then you are just perfect. And admitted of course.
So Kudos to that essay.</p>