essay practice

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>i've taken up GM's excellent idea of essay practice, since it's coming up soon for me </p>

<p>Prompt: Are people more likely to be happy if they focus on goals rather than their own happiness?</p>

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<pre><code> We must never underestimate the power of "living in the moment." This means not thinking about what we need to do in the future, and just soaking up what we currently have. Worrying about goals will only bring us down, and not give us the right attitude for success.

    Letting the future dictate what we do now is not the right way to go, and only leads downhill.  A friend of mine is currently a surgical intern.  His attendant has just turned him down for a very desirable procedure.  The intern who got the job instead was a jocular and sloppy person.  When my friend asked the attendant why he picked the other intern, the attendant simply told him that the other intern does everything in the moment.  His mind was glued to every incision. However, my friend had only been worrying about what he should do next, and what might go wrong.  He learned that if he just focused himself and took everything step by step and not over-think things, the mistakes won't happen.  That's because living in the moment gives you a lot more to work with than thinking about the future.

   Also, focusing all of one's efforts toward one single goal is not a guarantee for success.  He or she will lose sight of what's really important, and take some things for granted.  A little league baseball coach really wanted to win the Memorial Day tournament.  As the rounds progressed, he was consistently overworking his pitchers, just gunning for that win.  He only used his starters, and never let any other kid play.  The team ended up winning the tournament, but something was still wrong.  No one had taken any happiness from the whole experience.  In hindsight, the coach had forgotten the meaning of living in the moment and having fun.  The kids were pushed so hard that the pressure was too much, and some even cried afterwards. It was all about winning to the coach, and not enough about letting everyone have a chance and giving them a meaningful experience. This just goes to show that if we get too caught up in reaching for one thing, we may not gain any thrill or happiness from the process leading up to it.

   In the end, what ultimately gets us the happiness in our lives is not worrying about the future, but what is present now.  No one can say for sure what's going to happen later, but what we can all do is feel happy that we are here alive, able to enjoy each fulfilling moment every day.  It's not about closing one's mind so that he or she will do anything to reach something.  What's the fun in that? What's the point in awarding success to ourselves based on a pass/fail record? Achieving a goal is not as important as what we take from along the way, those moments.  It is all of these small moments in time where we get our happiness, and what turly shapes us into who we are.

</code></pre>

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<p>Okay so obviously it wouldn't be this long for the test b/c i typed this...
This is my first crack at an SAT essay, so it's probably pretty bad</p>

<p>If possible, can anyone give some literary/historical examples from which i could take from universally for any prompt?
Like how do u guys just come up w/ all these detailed examples from books and history?<br>
Do u think that using only personal examples would result in a lower score?
Or is it OK? </p>

<p>Thanks guys, any insight would be appreciated
Please provide a score and lay any comments on me if u want lol</p>

2

<p>Intro is fine.</p>

<p>The first body paragraph is fun, but it doesn't address your friend's own happiness. It addresses attention to detail, so your example is a little weak for this argument.</p>

<p>Second body is good.</p>

<p>Conclusion: fine.</p>

<p>It's a 10-11.</p>

3

<p>thanks for the comment dchow, i never would've thought it'd be that good my first time around</p>

<p>intro: is it long enough? b/c i think i saved the lengthiness for the conclusion
1st body: yeah i should've focused more on the happiness</p>

<p>so do u think that using 2 personal examples is ok?</p>

4

<p>here's another one, i wrote it this time, so the length would be more realistic</p>

<p>Prompt: Is there a value in celebrating certain individuals as heroes?</p>

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<p>When we see what makes heroes who they are, only good can come out of that experience. We learn what they had to go through to be in their positions today. As the old saying goes, “You always want more of a good thing.” If we all try to mold ourselves to be similar to a true role model, there will be more moral and strong-willed human beings in the world.</p>

<p>Looking up to a role model always builds good character and morals, because that’s exactly what classified those role models as heroes in the first place. A little boy named Chad wanted to help out with the homeless people when he grew up. In his urban neighborhood, there were tons of homeless adolescents hiding in alleys. A man named Dr. Wright drove his van near an alley, and walked inside to help the kids. His van was a mobile doctor’s office, and he examines all of the kids, free of charge. It’s not the money that drives him, Chad saw, but the satisfaction of helping homeless kids out. Chad learned that he needed to include everyone in society and treat them with respect, no matter what their situation was. Chad can take this lesson with him throughout life, and because of having the right attitude, he is now driven even more, for the correct reasons, to becoming a good doctor.</p>

<p>There is hope that comes from celebrating heroes, because they were once ordinary people like us. We can learn just what attitudes and actions they took to go from a regular citizen to a hero. This will inspire us to be more of the model human being, and motivate us to try to mimic what the heroes do every day. When everyone does this consistently, the world will end up having more heroes, leading to a more positive environment.</p>

<p>When I look at all the crime-infested areas of the world, I know that what those criminals need is the right person to look up to and celebrate. A person with strong morals and the will to always do the right thing. When those criminals see that, they can start to become good people, as well as us. In the end, we can all learn what’s right to do, if we had role models to guide us. The more we learn from those heroes’ adventures, the fewer mistakes we need to make. With fewer mistakes comes a safer environment and friendlier citizens. </p>

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<p>I know this is very poorly written, I sometimes don't even understand what it's talking about.
I really need a literary/historical example instead of using 2 other examples
Also, is it ok if i make up examples? I don't think i would get penalized b/c the readers couldn't tell if it was true or not.</p>

5

<p>bump (10 chars)</p>

6

<p>^ (10 chars)</p>

7

<p>^ (10 chars)</p>

8

<p>okay so here's another one, maybe a fresh essay will get some comments/critiques</p>

<p>Prompt: Have modern advancements truly improved the quality of people's lives?</p>

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<p>When we think of the quality of our lives, we see how lucky we are to be living in this world and being able to live life to the best of our abilities. Without modern advancements in the many fields of study, our lifestyles would be dramatically worse. A lot of the things that would have hindered us back in time are now more manageable due to advancements.</p>

<p>Back when smallpox was rampant throughout the U.S., everyone had to take so many precautions before even thinking about doing their activities. Even the smallest of things, like taking a leisurely walk, were becoming the biggest of hassles. The threat of disease had sucked away the people’s time and enjoyment. But later when the smallpox vaccine was made, everything became so much easier. All people had to do was take a trip to the doctor’s office. What took a tiny fraction of people’s efforts in getting the vaccine is now literally a life-saver. Everyone could go back to living safe, normal lives without constantly feeling paranoid about dying from a contagious disease.</p>

<p>Advancements in technology have been a giant leap for our convenience. It used to take several days for a letter to get to the recipient. Sometimes that was too long and too late. If the sender had some urgent news or needed assistance immediately, mailing letters would be too inefficient and time-consuming. Today, e-mail and cell phones have greatly reduced our need to be so precise about timing. If a student needed a ride home, he or she could just dial up a friend within a short matter of time. E-mails take just one second to be sitting in the recipient’s inbox via the Internet. </p>

<p>Throughout time, advancements in every field of study have given us so many options, making life’s tasks so much easier and less pain-staking. Today, we can do many things much more precise and quicker thanks to what advancements have given us. With fewer worries about the small tasks, we can focus more on living our lives to the fullest and trying to accomplish what we want to do. </p>

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9

<p>^ (10 chars)</p>

10

<p>Haha, well, you've probably figured out that people on CC generally do not like to read and grade essays! The essay posts always attract few people. </p>

<p>Try getting the rubric that the SAT readers use to grade essays. It's probably available on the CollegeBoard website.</p>

<p>The most helpful piece of advice is to try to impress the readers by how much good stuff you've written in 25 minutes. That means having a catchy introduction, a clear thesis, clear topic sentences, good and relevant examples, commentary that relates the examples to the topic sentence and the thesis, logical and good transitions, and a conclusion that not only restates the major points but also lingers at the end. And throughout your essay, make sure you show your own thinking. That means not so much elaboration on your examples as clearly revealing the depth of your critical thinking about the topic.</p>

<p>Okay, I'll read those last two essays, but that's it! Then you're on your own, okay?</p>

<p>Essay 1: </p>

<p>Great introduction! </p>

<p>Body Paragraph 1: Yes! You've nailed it. So far this is an 11-12.</p>

<p>Body Paragraph 2: Not bad, but you've probably noticed the lack of an example. Your reasoning makes sense, but when your readers are reading so quickly, they don't have time to slowly absorb your own thoughts. Giving evidence will allow you to back up your point. You could use Mahatma Gandhi or Mother Teresa. Or any real historical hero. How have they inspired people to improve the world? Your essays ducks down to a 10-11.</p>

<p>Conclusion: Kind of confusing.</p>

<p>Overall, I'd give this essay a 10, which is very good! No, you won't get penalized if you make stuff up. Even if they did know you were making stuff up, you would still be showing your critical thinking and your writing skills. That's what's important. Readers won't know if you know a boy named Chad, for instance.</p>

<p>Okay, 2nd essay...</p>

<p>Intro: Good, but I don't like how you used the phrase "A lot..."</p>

<p>BP 1: "Even the smallest of things...were becoming..." A mistake there. Overall it's very good, but I think you could have elaborated more on smallpox or found a better example. In your essay you missed out on the greater wonders of the smallpox vaccine.</p>

<p>BP 2: Good. You could have done more, though. For instance, you could have talked about the Internet and all that stuff in a third body paragraph. Also, what is the result of not having to be "so precise about timing"? You should've talked about that more.</p>

<p>Conclusion: Grammar mistake here: "Today, we can do many things much more PRECISELY (You never discussed this in your essay. Boo.) and QUICKLY..." You could have discussed that last sentence more in your body paragraphs. So your commentaries could also explain how modern advancements let us focus more on living our lives to the fullest.</p>

<p>9.</p>

<p>Okay, now get the rubric and grade yourself! Have fun!</p>