Essay review

I recently applied to fit for the AMC program (fall 2019) and just wanted some feedback on my essay. I have a gpa of 3.7 what are my chances of getting in?

“Destiny is determined by the choices you make, choose now and choose well” and I feel this quote describes perfectly my outlook on the future.

Born and raised in Burlington, North Carolina, I have always felt there were limitations of self expression and creativity in such a small town environment. It seems many of my classmates are attending college close to home, however, I have always seen myself breaking the mold and expanding my horizons. I cannot think of anywhere better to do that than FIT. While thinking of my destiny and how I envision myself in the future, I see a strong independent woman who has flourished because of the choices SHE made. I believe attending FIT will be a essential part of achieving my vision for myself to become the person I am destined to be.

Diversity is what I seek and FIT’s AMC program is the perfect choice for me. I will work diligently to excel as an FIT student because I believe success includes applying creativity with a strong work ethic. I have always been able to use creativity and exuberance when problem solving and accomplishing my goals, not only in academics, but also in life.

At the age of 10, I spent a lot of time looking at my Mom’s Vanity Fair collection. Although I could not articulate it at the time, I understood the conceptual underlying ideas of the ad campaigns. I was fascinated and inspired and began to create my own magazines by collaging the most interesting and unique images which developed my artistic self expression.

As a high school student, I participated in clubs such as the Interact Club (promoting volunteerism), Go Green (environmentally focused), Kids for Wish Kids (Make a Wish Foundation) and FCCLA (Family Career Community Leaders of America). By participating in these clubs, I learned how to brainstorm ideas and bring concepts to fruition in a team environment. I applied what I learned and formed my own club called Paws for Life dedicated to fundraising and volunteering for local animal shelters. I developed a mission statement, worked with the school administration, designed posters and digital flyers to publicize the club.

To be able to turn your passions into a venture that serves others, as well as being profitable is ideal. This concept fostered my first entrepreneurial project, a personalized thrift-shop. Thrift shopping is a favorite pastime and I often find distinctive and unique items. I began buying and displaying my finds in a spare bedroom at home. As my collection grew, more and more of my friends, and even some girls I didn’t know that well, would come by to be personally styled. Having satisfied “customers” gave me a great sense of accomplishment.

I am proud of my dedication towards academics and learning and truly believe that education in is important and should be a thoughtful part of everyday life. Working hard is important to me and I have been successful in my after school jobs. I have worked as a restaurant hostess and had a managerial position at at yogurt shop after school where I learned to work with the public and be an outward-facing representative of my employers and their organizations…

The environment and mentoring offered at FIT, combined with the ideals and standard of excellence it represents, is what I have always longed for in a college experience. I will work passionately in achieving my goal of getting a degree in Advertising Marketing and Communications from FIT. I am dedicated to being an exemplary representative of the high standards for which FIT is widely known, as a student and throughout my future career endeavors.

This essay is too long and loses the reader’s interest because it does not adhere to the theme introduced in the first line. Seems as though it is more of a rambling version of your resume rather than a Why FIT essay.

Consider rewriting your essay in a 5 paragraph format.

The first paragraph will briefly list three reasons why you want to attend FIT.

The second paragraph will expand upon your first reason for wanting to attend FIT.

The third paragraph will detail your second reason.

The fourth paragraph will expand upon your third reason.

The fifth paragraph, the final paragraph of your Why FIT essay, will briefly summarize your three reasons for wanting to attend FIT.

In other words, tell them what you are going to tell them = introductory paragraph. Then tell them = paragraphs two, three & four. Then tell them what you just told them = the final concluding paragraph.