Essay Title Help!

<p>Hey guys, I am finished with my essay and just need some help in picking an essay title. So far here are my options: nICE Life, A Life Ending in Ice, My Life before Dawn. My essay is below, feel free to an alternate title option. Thanks!</p>

<p>The time is 4:27 a.m. on a Tuesday morning in the middle of February. I am in a dank, low lit room breathing in nothing but the pungent odor of our rarely washed hockey equipment; a stench to which only a hockey player can attest. My eyelids fight to stay open. The sight of my breath makes me feel colder than I already am. I unzip my bag to look for my towel so I can wrap it around me in an attempt to retain some of my body's dwindling warmth. Much to my dismay, all that I uncover is a clump of rigid cloth frozen to my practice jersey. I forgot to take my bag out of my trunk last night, a rookie mistake. I see many of my closest friends occupying the same small, frigid room as me. Almost all are hunched over, trying to catch some brief minutes of shuteye. I pull out my gear and slowly begin attaching it to my body, letting the thin coating of ice defrost against me. My shivering body would much rather be tucked away in the warmth of my bed, sound asleep preparing for the arduous day of school and homework ahead. However my mind does not feel the same way. In my mind, there is no place I would rather be.</p>

<p>The time is now 5:27 a.m. My teammates are no longer hunched over on the bench inside the locker room. Instead, many of us are hunched over the home team bench, getting rid of some undigested dinner from last night, a not-so-uncommon occurrence. Suddenly, the piercing sound of our coach's whistle echoes throughout the rink, signaling the end to our brief respite. I re-strap my helmet and hurdle the boards back onto the ice for our second of three 25 minute rounds of continuous skating. Right now there is no place I would rather be.</p>

<p>Finally, the clock strikes 6:20. The sound of the final whistle echoes off the rink walls for a final time. Using the last of my depleted energy reserves, I slowly glide off the ice without uttering a word. Though practice is over and both my mind and body are drained, there is no place I would rather be.</p>

<p>I was two and a half years old when my Pop put on my first pair of ice skates. I cannot say I was thrilled. In fact, my parents said I cried when I finally stood on the ice with the help of a milk crate. But something inside me would not let me quit. Apparently I made an inspiring, but unsuccessful attempt to stumble across the ice to get to a 6-year-old girl who, I failed to see, was way out of my league. However, this experience bred far more than love for that six-year-old girl; it bred my insatiable love for hockey.</p>

<p>Insatiable in that I have never thought to question waking up at 4:05 a.m. four times a week for eighteen weeks each miserable, New England winter to drive to the next town over and skate to the point where I have lost feeling in my limbs. Insatiable in that I would spend all this time and energy, to play high school hockey, knowing that I will never play in the NHL. Insatiable in that I do it all for that feeling of freedom and peace I get while gliding across the ice, and ultimately, for the glory of the place where I love to be.</p>

<p>So I play hockey too, if my avatar isn’t indicative of that :). I thought the essay was excellent! It definitely got my attention early on and had a lot of vivid details. There are a few grammatical errors: 1 or 2 missing commas is all. My only comment on the essay would be at the end of the 2nd paragraph. Personally, I know exactly how you feel, however I’m wondering if an admissions officer would see your sincerity in that final sentence. It almost comes across as sarcasm due to the preceding paragraph…</p>

<p>For a title…hmmm…</p>

<p>4:27 A.M.
For the Love of the Game
Again! (would only be good if the admissions officer has seen Miracle)</p>

<p>(Just going to input that I have no idea what Miracle is…)</p>

<p>Honestly, most people don’t do titles, and I usually advise against them. They count against your word count and most times don’t add anything. I don’t think you should have a title at all, but if you really think that having one of these would add to the readers’ understandings of the essay, then sure…</p>

<p>Change the last sentence to para #4 to “…no place where I would rather be”. Then change the title accordingly to “No Place I would Rather Be”. Having a title is important. After reading dozens of essays all day long, they all start to look the same. Having a catchy memorable title is one way to set yourself apart.</p>

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<p>So is having a catchy, memorable first line and no title.</p>

<p>Consider poet e.e. cummings, whose untitled poems are well known by their opening lines, such as:</p>

<p>somewhere i have never travelled,gladly beyond</p>

<p>the Cambridge ladies who live in furnished souls</p>

<p>i carry your heart with me(i carry it in</p>

<p>my sweet old etcetera</p>

<p>(yes, just for kicks, i made a found poem out of them)</p>

<p>First of all, I appreciate all of you taking the time to read my essay and post honest criticisms of it!</p>

<p>BPearlman97: I appreciate your praise! Where are these missing commas specifically so I can add them in. I think one might be the after the “However” near the end of the first paragraph and after “right now” at the end of the second. And yes, my friend proofread this essay and he felt the same way about the end of the second paragraph seeming sarcastic, but I want to keep the parallel structure at the end of the paragraphs so I am conflicted. </p>

<p>LAMuniv: I have about 60 words of wiggle room to work with, so I do not mind adding a title and in my opinion I like titles; but, I do see your point. Thank you. </p>

<p>sgopal2: Correct me if I am wrong, but do you mean "Change the last sentence OF para #4 to “…no place where I would rather be” instead of TO. I really like your advice for changing the title to “No Place I would Rather Be”, and I think I will use it now. :smiley: </p>

<p>Dream SchlDropout: Thank you for your advice and that wonderful poem haha; however, I think I want to add a title. </p>

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Correct. Sorry for my typo!</p>

<p>Even though this is a much cliche topic (sports), you have done a nice job summing up why hockey is so important to you. Good luck!</p>

<p>I think the last sentence of the second paragraph is fine, as you are previously stating how your body is unhappy but your mind is different.
Very nice essay :)</p>

<p>Sgopal2 & Marlena22: Thank you both so much for the kind words and taking the time to read my essay! It is greatly appreciated :)</p>

<p>Sorry for not getting back quicker @DylanJ37‌ </p>

<p>Those were the 2 places I saw a needed comma ahah, good eye! </p>

<p>Good luck with the application process!</p>