@Mom24boys Wow, that was insensitive of that admissions officer! And not appropriate to say the least.Glad your son has found a good match.
I don’t agree with the thought that it’s rude to tell a candidate that they’re not qualified / not likely to be accepted. If someone in admissions tells you that - given their incentives to get as many applicants as possible - they’re almost certainly telling you the truth. (Whereas something like “I can’t guarantee anything, but you should definitely apply!!!” is totally vacuous.)
Even if your kid is great and would thrive somewhere - maybe even at that school - it doesn’t mean they’ll be accepted there… I think there are tons of kids that would thrive at top schools who won’t get accepted there.
Agree that advice about “not being a good fit” can be valuable if presented well. My problem in our case, is that it was based on too little information, and seemed rather abrupt and ill-informed.
BTW, I think it said more about the personality of the AO, and less about the candidate the way it went down. But to SPS’s credit, I witnessed the new rector/headmaster at the time come out to the waiting room to meet with a family from the West Coast whose son had been waitlisted in the previous admission round. The family just “showed up” taking their chances, hoping to talk with someone. The rector was very empathic, and spent time with the family sharing that there were just too little spaces for many well qualified candidates, and reassured them that his app was given a lot of consideration and that this no way reflected on their son’s and the identified candidate’s capabilities. I was very impressed with him. I think we all just want to be treated with respect, and be given full consideration. With all the time and diligence that goes into these apps, we all just want a fair shake and to feel that we are given full consideration, not capricious decisions.
@preppedparent
If I was an AO and I didn’t feel the candidate I was interviewing was a good fit for the school, I would tell them so, regardless of how much or little information about them I had. When it comes to fit, personality and attitude are what matter the most, and you learn about those things from a face-to-face meeting or interview; you can’t get them from a piece of paper listing the person’s ECs and test scores. While I can understand a bit of your frustration, I don’t think you’re justified in your negative opinion of the AO. Lastly, this thread isn’t a space to vent your frustrations, neither is it a place for you to brag in order to feel better about your daughter’s talents and academic ability.
Re #8 and encounters at college fairs or other informal conversations with potential applicants: As an occasional representative (but not an admissions official) at college fairs, we are specifically instructed NOT to discuss “chances” or ask about scores or GPAs. In those situations, our job is more to explain or “sell” the school rather than to provide any kind of evaluation of the student, since we have virtually no information about the student. If they ask about their chances or volunteer their SAT scores, I would point them to the information provided about the 25 -75% range provided in the brochures and suggest they carefully look at that information. BTW, we are not trying to encourage as many applicants as possible, but to find students who don’t know about the school or program who might be reasonably qualified.
^^^^^That sounds like the fair and prudent thing to do. Admission data is out there and it is the responsibility of families to read it.
and so seriously what would be your response, other than to say “thank you” and get up and leave the interview?
Here are some questions I can think of:
“can you tell me why you think I/my child wouldn’t be a good fit?”
“are there areas I can improve on to increase my chances?”
“are there schools you can suggest that you think would be a better fit?”
If I applied for a job that was a promotion at work and management told me that I wasn’t a good fit or I wasn’t ready for that position, I wouldn’t say “thank you” and get up and leave. I’d ask some questions. (and maybe go cry in the bathroom after 
)
Many GC’s are hesitant to be honest with students and parents. The answer to these questions may “destroy the dreams” of the student:
“Your child has a 900 SAT and a 3.0 GPA. He is nowhere near prepared.”
“There is nothing you can do to prepare for elite schools with those stats.”
“A URM hook will not help him get in.”
Not saying it’s the case for anyone on this thread, but once in a while a parent wants something more than the student does. It’s not uncommon for the student to wait until an interview and confidentially share this info at that point. I could totally see where an AO could take that info and tell the parents it’s not a good fit with no other lengthy explanation.
Otherwise, when an AO senses a bad fit (via personality or scores or whatever), I think they are helping the situation when they let a student know. It saves the student time, money, and perhaps frustration down the road, esp if they pin all their hopes on that one school.
I like what doschichos is saying, #29 above, but as I think the OP insinuates, it’s a bit of a surprise, and you’re taken aback, and I’m not sure many people have the where with all to pull it together and address it on the spot. Although best done in the moment, it’s still worth following up on later.
I apologize if it seemed I was trying to brag. That wasn’t my intention. Nor do I need to “feel better” about my student. We feel pretty good about things, actually.
But I will say when student #1 got rejected from a different BS, when it seemed they really liked her at the interview. (We now know they send Christmas cards to everyone with “warm notes” and not to read anything into it, but at the time we were novices, akin to getting college solicitation in the USPS mail), she did call and asked for feedback from the AO that interviewed her, and was told her rec letters weren’t strong enough.
Our student was able to use that information to think more carefully about rec letters going forward and we think it did help her college apps.
sorry, correction #28
“Many GC’s are hesitant to be honest with students and parents.”
Yes; we’ve all had to deal with horrible reactions when we tried to break bad news gently.
Since I’m independent, families can just fire me if they don’t like my advice. It has happened, and it’s usually for the best. HS GCs are usually stuck with their families, so there’s no escaping drama from an angry mom. It’s not an easy job.