I don’t want to lie, I know lying is terrible, and I would feel awful doing it. I don’t need a lesson in morality, I just need advice on how to deal with my parents and how to write an application that highlights my assets without blatantly lying. I understand that my parents just want me to get into the best school I can, but they keep pushing me to exaggerate what I put on my application. For example, they don’t want me to put the years I was involved in certain things to make it seem like I’ve been doing those activities for longer (is this even possible on applications?) For instance, I quit swimming after sophomore year but was a state qualifier the 2 years that I did swim. Instead of saying the years that I did swimming and that I quit, they want me to put something along the lines of “varsity swimmer and state qualifier.” I also got 3rd place in a book review contest my freshman year, but haven’t won since. They want me to leave out the freshman part and just put the award I won…
I would appreciate any advice. I’m a junior and I’m not applying yet, but the time is fast approaching and I’m nervous that my parents will be on my back if I hide my applications completely from them. They would definitely be suspicious of me, and I do want to listen to them. However, I try to be a modest person, and I despise lying and cheating… I often put myself down and have low self esteem, so I can see why my parents want to make sure that I put myself in the best light for colleges… And if anyone asks me to compromise with them, I tried to tell them that what they want me to say is wrong and lying. They just yelled at me and asked if I really wanted to get into college or not. Exaggerations like this have been a point of contention between me and my parents for quite a while to be honest…
Where is a good balance between what my parents want and what I want? Is what my parents are pushing me to do completely wrong? How am I supposed to apply to colleges…?? I’m just really stressed out and confused at the moment…
Thank you for any help…
The Common App makes you detail which years you participated. Not sure about other schools’ individual apps.
Be honest and let your accomplishments speak for themselves. “Varsity swimmer and state qualifier” is impressive enough without embellishing the years!
I agree^. Your app is not the time to be modest, but for example, with the award you speak of, it’s absolutely fine to say freshman year. I think they would wonder otherwise. Plus, it’s impressive that you won something as a freshman. I do think you need to put years. It would be strange otherwise, because most people do. They want to know that you kept busy. So yes, JV tennis, 2014-2016, volunteer at animal shelter, 6/15-7/15, etc…is all good. Sometimes a student wants to make note of soemthing they have done since long before high school, such as an instrument. It’s fine to put the year you began playing, ex. 2008-Present.
By the time you fill in the app with your various activities and time frames, it gives them a good idea of what you did when. Really, it’s fine. Being vague raises eyebrows and can be a red flag in the eyes of adcoms. My kid didn’t have a million activities. She got into 9 excellent schools. It’s quality, not quantity. They can spot made up fluff a mile away. Be sure to elaborate as much as possible…Swimm team, years, state qualifier 2015, 2016…and so on.
Ok thank you so much. Now it’s just a matter of convincing my parents that being specific outweighs anything that being vague will do…
I mean…did you not receive those awards?
If you did, I don’t see how putting them could be considered immoral.
I’d put the awards in. But I’d be clear about what years you participated in the activities & won them, too.
@RMNiMiTz it’s not that I’m lying about getting the awards; I just feel like I’m exaggerating the quality and actual worth of the award and other activities I’ve done if I do what my parents want…
Actually, a more dubious example would be that I coached little kids at a local swim team, but they only swim for around 4 months in the year. My parents would probably want me to put “assistant coach 2016-2018/current” even though I only volunteer for those 4 months out of the year… Is that alright?
@ivygates mention when you do it. I’m a “youth mentor” for an organization but only have to mentor six times a year. It only takes a couple of words at the end if you feel an accomplishment inplies more than it is
I would, again, be more specific. Four months a year is significant, it doesn’t need embellishing. You can say “Ass. Youth swim coach, 6/16-9/16, 6/17-9/17.” Or you can just say “summer, '16, '17.” think I recall you only have 100 characters per entry, so make it count.
Being vague will NOT help your app, and you can tell you parents that I said so:-).
Don’t lie obviously. The common app does ask when you complete activities so you can’t hide this and you should be embarrassed by doing something in Freshman year - show them how advanced you are! If you believe something is impressive, the admissions committee are more likely to see it as impressive. Don’t be modest but don’t exaggerate so much that they become “alternative facts”.
@lindagaf I would put Asst. Youth Swim coach rather than your suggestion, but it may bring a good chuckle to an admin.
Don’t lie or misrepresent what you did as others have said, and don’t do anything you’re uncomfortable with, but I’m with your parents in making it look as strong as possible and jazzing things up. We parents do this all time - when we do our resume and file our tax returns. 
Seriously though, when you write your resume or create a Linked-in page say, you will have to position yourself as best as possible, so your parents are teaching a good skill, though not in the best way.
Regarding coaching the kids’ swim team: my kids both played tennis all four years of HS. However, it has a “season” - for females, it was in the fall, for males, it was in the spring. They didn’t play tennis for their school team all year. Most sports will have a season; that’s not being dishonest.
@college_query Alright, so would it be fine to say “Asst. youth swim coach winter 2016”?
You haven’t looked at the common app yet? If not, take a look and see the format expected. That’ll answer many questions.
Point out to your parents that adcoms see thousands of apps each year and expect an honest level of info.