I am wondering if there is anyone else floating around in the ether who is a pretty smack-dab average student who gets kind of freaked out by what everyone else is doing.
Every time I use a website like this, I start comparing myself to what other people are doing. How are other kids in varsity sports, volunteering, doing research, getting all As, taking AP classes, getting perfect SAT scores, and in a bunch of different clubs? Meanwhile, I have a raging case of social anxiety, no sports, I donât lead any clubs, and I still find myself barely able to pull through the day.
I have a 4.0 GPA and a bunch of Honors classes but I feel like a toad sitting next to a bunch of godly beings. How can I *ever * pursue my dreams and get into college when Iâm surrounded by all of these people? Is there something wrong with me? Do I just give up? Am I being dramatic and I have completely created this nightmare myself?
You sound like a pretty normal teenager to me. Youâre just being open about your anxieties while everyone else keeps them hidden.
No one gives us an instruction book about life when weâre born. Seems like someone should, doesnât it? We get one with a new car, so why not with a new life? Kind of unfair. Too bad that things are that way. So, we just have to figure it out for ourselves along the way. Itâs a challenge!
There are plenty of great colleges you can get into without exceptional ECs - plenty of colleges will love your 4.0 and likely offer you some great scholarships for it. You will have options! So you do not need to worry about that.
I think the question that worries me most after reading your post is whether you are happy. Prioritize happiness. Whatever that looks like for you. College will work out, you will be fine, so donât stress too much about it. Instead, find what makes you happy. Whatever it is. And do more of that. Not because it makes you more competitive for colleges, but just because it makes you happy. That is the most important thing.
(And if you find that your social anxiety is impairing your life, there is therapy for that can be highly effective. Something else to consider, in case you need a little additional support right now.)
Please DONâT feel that way. Life is about doing YOUR best, NOT being THE best.
You sound pretty great to me. Keep on keeping on, and explore to your heartâs content. But work hard and enjoy life.
NO one will care where you went to college etcâŠitâs what you make of it thatâs important.
If youâre looking for ECs, think about what it is you love. And spend some time. I guarantee you that you will find plenty of things to do. Itâs not about padding your resume with ECs. Love what youâre doing, and everything else follows.
If only there was an instruction manual! Sometimes I wish I could get some sort of DNA test that would definitively tell me: âWhat the hell are you doing? Youâre not meant for this?!â or 'Wow! Youâve found your calling, go follow that path!"
I am having a particularly difficult time with that right now. 
Sometimes its not even colleges, itâs just me. Am I good enough to do these things? As a person? Can I? I donât know. College Confidential sort of prompts some existential questions for me.
Your post reminded me of a mantra I use often, âComparison is the thief of joy.â
Trying repeating it to yourself whenever you go down that road. Donât let online (or real life) âperfectâ people steal your joy in who you are and what you have accomplished. You can not know what struggles they have behind the facade, or what it is really like to walk in their shoes. If they donât have challenges yet, they absolutely will, because they are only human, just like you.
Forget about College Confidential etc, and enjoy being a teenager.
There is no need to compare yourself with anyone.
It might be a bit âoldâ for you, but can I suggest you listen to âInstant Karmaâ by John Lennon and Yoko Ono. Play it REAL loud about 10 times, listening to and perhaps reading the lyrics. Great philosophy.
Take care of yourself and donât worry. You will do fine.
Oh goodness, so many people feel like that at least some of the time - certainly, many (most?) teenagers feel like that at some point, and so do many adults! And, honestly, if CC makes you feel that way, that you should spend less time here. Donât seek out things that you know will make you feel bad. Why? Find the things that make you feel good. That may mean staying off of off college forums or social media or wherever you often feel self doubt creeping in.
Of course you are good enough. You are more than good enough. As I said above, find something that makes you happy and do a lot more of that, and a lot less of doom scrolling forums that end up making you feel bad about yourself. Life is too short. And your future is every bit as bright as you make it.
For me, my calling came from reflecting on what Iâd struggled with in my life and through feelings of empathy wanting to help others who were going through the same thing.
On the other hand, my passions came from innate curiosity about how the world works and wanting to find those answers. Pursuing your passions and curiosities is also a good pathe to travel.
In the end, only kindness matters.
There is no shortage of instruction manuals on how to live your life, from religious texts, to philosophy, psychology, self-help advice and more. I think asking the question is a good sign. Itâs always positive to wonder what is right for you. Seek and ye shall find. You will slowly find answers over decades, and Itâs highly likely that they will be complex, ever evolving answers. No rush to have it figured out.
If CC makes you feel pressure to be someone youâre not, or makes you feel like rushing into decisions about your lifeâs calling, you might want to consider staying off it for awhile, or staying out of the kinds of threads that arenât helpful to you. For example, I frequent the thread for parents of kids with 3.0-3.5 GPAâs. It helps me stay focused on the awesome person my son is becoming, and on helping him find a college where he can thrive, rather than comparing him to kids who are totally different people with different strengths.
Although the various threads here may suggest the contrary, success and happiness are a pathless land. There are numerous ways to achieve them and each path has its own combination of perceived intelligence, hard work, choices, and luck. You have to decide your path! Probably, your path is a combination of a 4.0 GPA + No ECs + Lots of hard work + enough luck. In the end, youâll reach the same destination as some of the high stats kids you see here but you have to be honest about your path and enjoy the journey.
lol- @3SailAway I came on here to say exactly that: âcomparison is the theif of joyâ
You are somewhere in the 16-18 range, eg still actively developing. Your brain is about to have a huge growth spurt- the biggest itâs had since you were a baby. And you are cherry picking examples to beat yourself with for not knowing everything right now! That is a waste of time and energy.
Coming of age stories are all really the same story: a protagonist who in some way doesnât fit in and is looking for where they belong in the world has a series of adventures, most of which are unpleasant in the short term. Each of them tests their mettle and/or teaches them some sort of lesson and over time the protagonist finds their own voice, their own path. The original, ostensible, objective is achieved but by then the protaganist has grown into themselves and has a bigger path to follow.
Go be the hero of your own story and remember:
-
itâs not an adventure without snake pits (cf Indiana Jones); and
-
you never, ever, ever know whatâs behind the facade people present to the world. The only humans who donât have any self-doubt are (pretty definitionally) sociopaths. And there are no humans who never have a bump in the road- but there are lot of people who are really, really good at hiding it!
There are colleges filled with normal people who werenât in twenty clubs and president of all of them. They are happy people who love their college years. They go on to have successful, happy lives.
And some of those superstar kids end up doing nothing glamorous and lead very ordinary lives too.
Youâve got years of life and experiences ahead of you. Time is too precious to waste worrying about how you compare to others. Make a balanced list of colleges where your stats are on par with most accepted students. Talk to your GC at school. You can also post your stats and relevant info in the College Search and Selection forum and we can help you find schools. College Search & Selection - College Confidential Forums
Go out and be yourself. There is a college for you and you will be fine.
@glubglub I donât know if others noticed, but I did. Your post is so well-written, authentic, impactful and even creative. In other words. I think you have talent as a writer.
I am sorry you are in an environment that seems high-stressed and competitive. In my experience (I am older and my kids are older), it is often those who are not the glittering stars in high school, who find a fulfilling path in life. Be yourself!
Look into colleges where you can thrive. For instance, Colleges that Change Lives
Colleges That Change Lives â Changing Lives. One Student At A Time. (ctcl.org)
You are going to do absolutely fine. And when comes time to write an essay, and you want feedback, feel free to message me if you are able. I would love to read anything you write!
OP- what a moving post.
I got two pieces of advice when I was your age-- and they have served me well.
1- Run your own race
2-Never love anything that wonât love you back
These have saved me from comparing myself to other people, to trying to become someone Iâm not, from getting involved in ridiculous competitive situations which are zero sum games.
You be you. You do you. Figure out what brings you joy and do that. I promise you that you will find a wonderful place to continue your education where you will knock the cover off the ball- or sit back and chill and enjoy life to its fullest.
Sending hugs.
Youâll likely feel miserable all your life if you constantly compare yourself with others. Someone somewhere will do something better than you. Do your best, be satisfied with and enjoy your own accomplishments.
Youâre a straight A student, modest, insightful, and self-aware. None of these things is âaverageâ so I would object to you characterizing yourself that way! As others have said, itâs extremely normal and natural to feel the feelings you have. I am posting to add one more observation: College Confidential is social media, so itâs subject to all the distortions of Instagram and the like. Iâm not saying weâre all a bunch of liars (and yes there are kids who seem to âdo it allâ), but everyone is presenting a curated view of themselves or their children. Perhaps not with the intent to deceive (those posts exist, though), but beware of unwarranted FOMO. I hope you climb out of the slumpy feelingâŠand please lean on loved ones, a therapist, or even an anonymous helpline if you need a hand.
Comparison is the thief of joy.
Iâm going to pile on the encouragement! My husband always tells our kids âyou donât want to peak in high schoolâ and now that we have one in college âyou donât want to peak in collegeâ. I never understood this aforism but Iâve internalized it and hear myself saying âyou donât want to peak in middle ageâ when Iâm feeling down.
On the other hand, Iâd try working on the social anxiety. Itâs one of these things that can run away from you and get very problematic. Itâs good that you acknowledge it; Iâm not an expert but I think there are various methods that you could try to change, not who you are, but how you react to social situations. I wish you all the best.