<p>I'm exhausted with thinking about college. Will he get in where he wants? Will it be affordable for us? When exactly does most of these decisions come out? Have you (my son) checked online sites for these schools to make sure you have sent in every single thing that you should have, and if you have, have you checked to see if they need any additional information? It's endless, and I'm pooped! I don't have the luxury of sharing this stress because I'm a single mom. And when it's all over, I probably won't even be able to afford to go to the beach and look at the ocean...</p>
<p>This is the time to unwind before results start to ome out in mid/late March. Enjoy the quiet…</p>
<p>Yes, like the above poster, there is no point in worrying now, all the applications are in. It’s just waiting now, nothing for your son to do now (unless there is a significant piece of information to be shared). The real worrying starts the minute you drop them off wherever they decide on.</p>
<p>I wish it was truly over, but every weekend seems to be another scholarship competition, or another campus visit, while we wait, wait, wait for financial aid. April FA packages can’t come soon enough.</p>
<p>Yes, it is tough time. It’s really too bad the FA part drags out. More colleges should enable early estimates. </p>
<p>A lot will depend on your combination of acceptance and FA results. If you do have an hard fast rules in your head, share with your student. For example, we had one college that was off the table without xyz scholarship. DS knew that all along.</p>
<p>Yes, the waiting is the hardest part. It’s one thing to say, “Everything’s done; I can forget about this for a bit.” Easier said than done for some of us. </p>
<p>The absolute worst was the couple of weeks between the acceptance letters and the FA letters. It was rough knowing where she could go, but not knowing if we could afford to send her. The day the FA letter came from D’s #1 choice, she called me at work with the good news. I literally busted out sobbing my desk, the relief was so immense.</p>
<p>Dear Mamaof1,</p>
<p>I totally understand what do you feel as I am a single mom too, and I went through a very tough year for sons college application process and we are waiting for the result day too. </p>
<p>When I feel depressed or hopeless, I keep telling myself that I have done everything I can do, everything happen for a reason. He will end up somewhere.</p>
<p>It hard… but do what you can to enjoy the senior year activities. Next fall you’ll be back with empty nest questions, like the other parents who went through this before you ;)</p>
<p>This is our third and final round of this… well, I HOPE it’s our final round, but this youngest child of ours has been an absolute bear thru this whole process. I am clearly of the thinking that a gap year of some kind needs to get on the table, and it’s not that she is unqualified for college; (And yes… surprisingly it’s a SHE) it’s that she just keeps proving time and again, she is not engaged in the process. And frankly, if you’re not engaged with getting in, you cannot be engaged with doing the work once there - and that’s IF she gets in at this point.</p>
<p>I thought she had turned a corner in December when she worked diligently to get all her applications complete. She’s hugely independent/Private, which is decidedly not a good thing when applying to college. I have been asking her to update this google doc she had made in December after sending in her apps, specifically to make sure she kept up with confirmations, portal passwords, etc she received from her schools. She has school email, and unlike her brother who wouldn’t have cared if YOU had his password, I do not have access to hers. Let me also interject the fact that I had to bug her for months to do the .doc in the first place, which is really just a list of where the heck she was even applying with deadlines etc! The past week I finally flipped a wig. And yesterday she wasn’t leaving this house until it was done.</p>
<p>Well… really long and drama filled story short, she apparently has not heard Boo from two of her schools at all. I know they were sent all the stuff from the hs because of naviance and this parent connection website. She is supposed to go to her counselors office first thing tomorrow morning to check what those school’s usual deal is and follow it up. The common app says they are complete as well. But I can’t find on either school’s website whether they send confirmation emails, letters or even a postcard (of which we’ve gotten neither of the latter) and D has nothing in her email. But then again, she hadn’t even read the other two emails except as far down for them to say they had received her application!! No portal testing, nothing. One of the passwords was expired because it was temporary and this was sent at the beginning of January. Saying she is not engaged in the process is being kind!</p>
<p>I’ve just never experienced this with the other two. With my oldest Daughter it was all so new to all of us that it was practically an all consuming conversation. S had applied ED but had also gotten most of the essays for other schools in at least rough draft form over Thanksgiving, which was excellent planning in the end. But for as much as he was an aberration among his male friends and made the process relatively pain free for me, D is absolutely sending me over an edge that MOST mother’s of girls don’t even see in others daughters, let alone their own!</p>
<p>And this is why I am here typing all this frustration instead of pacing around the house mumbling it! I am not quite sure what’s behind all the avoidance. But when I suggest that she might consider deferring for a year to go abroad or whatever, she accuses me of not believing she’ll get in! Of course, I believe it. And I also know that’s probably more HER fear. Still. My point is only to say, life is about creating options for yourself. That’s all. And honestly, why the harsh reaction to a suggestion of a gap year if you really aren’t engaging in the process of going to college? I was thinking I was being supportive to not assuming she HAD to go straight to college. Gap years aren’t at all uncommon anymore and there’s some fabulous experiences out there. (S has four or five of his best friends that are almost an entire year older due to them having done gap years). But nope! I can’t win for losing these days. It’s not like she’s engaging in this idea either. And in so many ways she is so done with her HS, so it’s not like she doesn’t want to get the heck out of there. </p>
<p>So… while I’d like to agree with the above posters that all there is to do is wait, I can only wish it were that easy! </p>
<p>And oh… while my H is a good egg and all, I would not suggest that he has been involved in this process at all. My H really only cares about the bottom line of how much $ is it. Where is barely relevant until you actually have acceptances in hand. He took D on road trip to see some schools, but to demonstrate the fact that he does not avail himself to the small details, here’s a little story: Over Christmas when D FINALLY unveiled her final list, H asked what all the numbers were after the school names. They were the application fees! He honestly thought that using the common app had made fees obsolete. Seriously. clueless. So, let’s just say that it is not supportive or helpful when the least knowledgeable person on college admissions is telling you to “relax” without giving you any help to do it! </p>
<p>Just saying. 
Maybe this falls under that Parent Cafe thread about saying here what you can’t say anywhere else!!</p>
<p>Breathing deep…</p>
<p>To the OP–I have likened the college application/decision process to labor. There is no such thing as an infinite one. At some point you will have a baby (college decision). Hang in there. It really will wrap up (probably no later than May 1st), and then there’s the grand exhale.</p>
<p>To Modadunn–that sounded like a great, mentally-cleansing post. I hope it made you feel just a tiny bit better. FWIW, we are having issues with our third and youngest (current hs junior) that we just never faced with the first two. It’s almost like it would be easier on us now if the first two had been more trouble. Another big “hang in there” to you. I have a feeling it’ll all work out for your daughter too–maybe not quite as smoothly as you’d hoped, but in time all the bumps along the way will be forgotten.</p>
<p>Hugs and a quiet afternoon cup of tea to you both.</p>
<p>Was just telling a friend at lunch yesterday, how glad I was that D has her acceptance letter and found out about the last piece of the process on Saturday. The waiting is over. I am worn out, but looking forward to the fun decisions like bedspreads and room stuff.
My thoughts to you!</p>
<p>((moda)) I had a complete and total fit on my son and husband in Nov/Dec over the exact same issue. Exactly. My son wouldn’t even check his email! I had to nag and nag and nag. Finally I flipped - and I may be an over organizer and a worry wart, but I rarely if ever completely flip. I told them I was done, and if come fall he found himself at community college don’t come crying to me and don’t expect to be staying in my house if that happened! I also told him if he couldn’t engage at all in the process I wasn’t going to either. And at the same time, he’s a smart kid and I wasn’t going to let his clueless attitude keep him from going to a good college. No wonder there is such a gender imbalance - I think it’s because the boys missed deadlines! </p>
<p>I had to walk with him to his computer while he opened his emails and forwarded all the info to me where I kept the spreadsheet of schools, deadlines, items needed, user names and passwords. Then I kept track of who had what info necessary. </p>
<p>The topper was the Saturday night I went on his common app to check something and found a bunch of typos and mistakes. </p>
<p>I will say after my total meltdown, he and my husband shaped up considerably.</p>
<p>@Modadunn - I could have written that exact diatribe that you did. Seriously. And I also have a daughter. I think the only difference is my D has actually been accepted to a couple of schools already, but the 1 or 2 she would really like to go to she has not heard yet. I too suggested the whole gap year thing several months ago only to be answered with fits of rage and tantrums. I have never done so much nagging as I have done in the last year. Never had to say a word to D1 about deadlines and such even though it was the first time going through the process. I too had to physically sit D down at her computer and have her fill out the common app. My husband was also unhelpful/clueless for the most part. Besides coming on a few of the college trips (which I booked all of the appts. and tours) his only contribution was to keep saying “don’t worry, she’ll get in everywhere I’m sure”. Really?? How could he say this, especially in front of D, time and again when 4 of the schools she applied to are reaches? But I feel she has dug her own grave at this point and she may be going to one of her safeties come fall. Not that this is bad, she likes them well enough and will do fine there, but right now she only has eyes for the reaches. I have a feeling she will not get into them, so I am actually not looking forward to when we get these decisions in the mail.</p>
<p>Modadunn–how many schools did your D apply to? It sounds like it must be a lot. Maybe she is only really interested in one or two, and views the other applications as a frivolous waste of time?</p>
<p>I see you have over 4000 posts on CC. You are probably more of an expert than you need to be! Of course your DH doesn’t have anywhere near the knowledge that you do, and probably doesn’t need to.</p>
<p>I would say, evaluate your D’s position…as long as she has a good financial safety that she is happy with, let go and relax. Well, try to. :)</p>
<p>And to westie–sometimes kids have eyes for a reach, but they will be perfectly happy with the safety when it comes down to it. It’s a learning experience, to find that if they were somewhat careless with the applications, they are not going to play in the big leagues. Okay then.</p>
<p>@Mommusic - I do have a lot of posts, but the majority are on thread where we all became e-friends when our kids were seniors back in 2009… so it’s not about college searches etc. But yes, I do know how this works. And I also knew before we even began this year that D was going to be a very different bird than S. Her schools aren’t nearly as selective as his. But I had no idea it would be like this!</p>
<p>A good friend of hers applied to 14 schools! 14!!! D was supposed to apply to 8, but ended at 7. And the good news is, she does like those where she is likely to be admitted. Her HS doesn’t call them safeties - they’re likely, matches and reaches. Same thing, but different verbiage. Psychological perhaps, but it is what it is.</p>
<p>And yes, I know it will all work out in the end… whatever that is. Because in raising three kids, the one thing I am absolutely sure about is that college admission decisions aren’t the end… in a lot of ways, it’s just the beginning!</p>
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<p>Absolutely great advice! (Now that applications are done…)</p>
<p>Mamaof1, THANK YOU for starting this thread. I’m exhausted, too. Completely spent. In fact, too burned out to even articulate it now. Just, thanks.</p>
<p>I don’t think I could even allow D to take a gap year, because I couln’t go through this again! I second the feeling of wanting to move on to the process of buying x-long sheets and comforter sets. I actually took a CCer’s advice and saved the BBBY 20% coupon that came in the mail the other day. I never would have done that b4. I just hope that D gets matched up someone who’s a better decorator than she is :-)</p>