Existential Depressions

Pre-College Issues High School Life
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<p>So our emotional experiences, though seemingly intangible, are caused by measurable events.</p>

<p>fln1049, do you mean “measurable” as in “tangible” or “empirical”? If so, I agree with you, to an extent.</p>

<p>Psychology, biology, and other related fields explain what specifically happens as people experience an emotion. These fields explain primarily how these emotional experiences occur. On the other hand, religion (Christianity in particular) is more concerned with the why. Why did one experience such an emotion? Yes, I can say that a certain event prompted me to experience a certain emotion, but why that particular emotion or reaction?</p>

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<p>I. How many of you have had an existential depression?</p>

<p>I have it right now, though this is the first time I have a term that describes it perfectly. I didn’t know other people had this. I had it once in 7th grade, and it was more centered on apocalypse and the fact that humans (and time) probably won’t last forever. I have it again as a HS senior, and it’s now centered on my own death. I don’t remember how I recovered in 7th grade.</p>

<p>II. What was it’s nature?</p>

<p>It’s so scary. I’m ok most of the time, but when I go to bed at night, I start having small panic attacks. My mind races, and I feel so empty. People talk about having trauma triggers, but I have triggers related to my existential anxiety. When people ask big what-if questions in my AP Physics class, like about time and astronomy and black holes, I just lose it on the inside.</p>

<p>III. How did you deal with it?</p>

<p>I can usually cope if I get out and distract myself. I try to do more stuff with my friends, focus more on school, try new things. The more I can busy myself the more I can fend off the emptiness.</p>

<p>But sometimes I feel like I’m just sweeping the problem under a rug. It’s like life is just a series of elaborate distractions so we don’t have to dwell our own death.</p>

<p>The Unbearable Lightness of Being, a classic novel from the '80s, appears to deal with this theme. I haven’t read it because I’m not sure it will make me feel better…</p>

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<p>Questions 1 and 2: I experienced my first existential depression when I was about eight. It is really hard to describe the moment that started it. I was lying in bed, and all at once, I had a series of thoughts fly through my head. Some of them weren’t even full thoughts, more like a slideshow of pictures and symbols that was moving far too quickly, out of my control. One way to describe them is uncertainty. That’s all I felt, I was uncertain. Uncertain about my religion, my life.</p>

<p>At the time, I was Catholic and believed everything about the religion. It was shocking because I had never doubted any of it, when all of the sudden, thoughts that must have been buried deep in my mind were released all at the same time, each thought overlapping the other. These thoughts were just images of life and religion. Images I had seen hundreds of times, but when they ran through my head this time, they meant something different. They meant something different because I knew, deep down, that I was confused by them. It was a lot to take in. I can’t say that I was truly doubting my religion at that moment, but it is very hard to put into words the way I was feeling then. I was almost in awe of God and everything religion explains to the point where I was trying to shake it off before I started questioning it. </p>

<p>The reason I bring up religion is not to add to the argument, but because the moment I started questioning my religion, all the answers that once seemed so concrete about our existence seemed to be slipping away. And there was nothing else for me to grab onto. Yes, I made most of these conclusions long after that moment, but when I think about existential depression, it can all be traced back to that moment. </p>

<p>Overall, the existential depressions I’ve had have only lasted for a short while. One time, recently, I began thinking about death a little more in-depth than usual. This is where I actually broke down. I didn’t become depressed because I worried about the physical pain of death or having to leave loved ones, but because I could not bear the thought that one day, I would just end. The feats I had accomplished, the passions I had created, love I had experienced, my deepest thoughts, would all just end. I told myself not to let in these thoughts, but I did anyway. I experienced the kind of emotional pain that you can feel throughout the limbs in your body even though you know you have not been physically hurt. Right now these thoughts don’t seem so heavy, but there are certain times when we are most vulnerable. </p>

<p>Question 3: How did I deal with it? I told myself to go to sleep and try to forget about it. That everything would seem a lot less depressing when I woke up. I was right. I went back to only casually thinking of death and our existence. Which is disappointing, but did bring me out of the depression. </p>

<p>Those moments were a kind of revelation though. A positive one. Something good came from the depression because I realized in the middle of those thoughts that everyday issues that I would stress myself over were not as important as they seemed. So I learned that I shouldn’t dwell on them so much. I told myself to only worry about the things that truly mattered. However, I can’t say that I have truly followed this advice.</p>

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<p>a lot of the captivating parts of religion, the ritualistic parts, we owe to our Schizotypal ancestors, apparently. When tribal beliefs came into conflict with each other it was the strange OCD villager that no one had paid attention to which came forward and said - look, look what I do to worship our God in this threatening time of upheaval , I rub my hands together in this loopy way like this; and he would be so convincing to his audience that they would adopt the custom as a way to preserve their traditions (that’s the rough sketch of one theory at least).</p>

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<p>@dfree thanks!</p>

<p>@Francaislamatt Thank you for the feedback. You are right, now that I reread my post I see that it could be very offensive. I sometimes have difficulty reconciling my want to convey my viewpoint accurately and my want to remain unoffensive. I clearly failed, so I apologize.</p>

<p>That said, I do feel that you are failing to acknowledge key parts of my beliefs. You’re right that my post is full of Judeo-Christian assumptions, because those are what I have encountered most and therefore given the most thought to. I spent 7 weeks last summer living and working in Thailand, and spent a lot of time reading about Buddhism as well, but I failed to address those beliefs in that post, I agree. However, many of my thoughts can address an umbrella of any sort of extrasensory force, even one that is not governing. There is simply no evidence of any kind, other than people’s word. I cannot take people’s word for something that I find so unusual/impractical. I wouldn’t take someone’s word about anything scientific without reading about it and ascertaining that they didn’t just make it up. That is not possible with religion. I will, of course, never be able to disprove it, but it will never be able to be proven either. I wasn’t trying to say that it’s “not worth my time” to investigate my religion. I meant more that it wouldn’t really have any purpose. I can’t be satisfied without proof, and I will never be able to find proof. Therefore, I do not see a point. You tell me to educate myself, and I gladly will. I asked for recommendations, and you provided none. It’s obviously not your responsibility to educate me, but if you do have recommendations for something that you believe a person like me should read/watch, I will gladly do so with as open of a mind as I can muster. </p>

<p>"Religion, not just those with Abrahamic backgrounds, places a blanket answer on questions we currently aren’t fully capable of answering. This “blanket answer”, no matter your convictions, can’t be considered fully indisputable. It’s farce to blindly believe in the word of religion, not because religion is full of crap, but because there’s no tangible evidence that can back up its assertions. The great thing about science is that even though it can’t provide an answer covering all divine questions up front, it’s a developing branch of human thought and discovery that can answer certain questions at a time with concrete, tangible evidence. That’s what distinguishes it from religion. "</p>

<p>Great statement, Grammernerd. You conveyed many things I wasn’t able to express clearly. Of course I can’t disprove religion. That was a dumb thing of me to say, lol. </p>

<p>“A gross oversimplification of how this applies in my head is that science explains material reality and religion explains non-material reality (transcendental aspects, love/emotion, concepts like justice, existence, self, etc.).”</p>

<p>Love, emotion, justice, etc. can all be explained through natural selection. </p>

<p>The only thing that probably cannot be proven by science is the reason that we exist. I ask why does there have to be a reason? I personally am far more satisfied with an unknown than with an explanation that is not based in what can be proven. </p>

<p>“Psychology, biology, and other related fields explain what specifically happens as people experience an emotion. These fields explain primarily how these emotional experiences occur. On the other hand, religion (Christianity in particular) is more concerned with the why. Why did one experience such an emotion? Yes, I can say that a certain event prompted me to experience a certain emotion, but why that particular emotion or reaction?”</p>

<p>@Tristesse In my opinion, emotional reactions occur because during evolution, those who expressed certain emotions in response to certain stimuli were far more likely to survive and thus carry on their genes. </p>

<p>@enfieldacademy I fully agree.</p>

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<p>I’m a nihilist so I guess I’m a victim of existential depression.</p>

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<p>@alwaysleah It’s GrammerNazi to you! (I forgive you for that mistake)</p>

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<p>^Thank you for your forgiveness, you’re too kind. I promise I won’t do it again!</p>

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<p>I mean, then I guess the only issue I have is with you refusing to learn about other religions. Even in Judaism there’s a mystical side that’s much different from the conventional (I don’t know much about kabbalah, but I have read a lot of Sufi–Islamic mysticism-- poetry♥). Plus Hinduism is super interesting, along with pre-imperial Chinese Daoist cosmology! (Sorry, studying religion is super fun to me ^^). I just get annoyed when people think religion and God imply so many things, but they’re really just taking a Judeo-Christian-focused point of view. You can’t ignore half the world! :P</p>

<p>Plus, yeah, science CAN explain those things, but its explanation doesn’t satisfy me. So, I add a spiritual twist x) It’s true that there’s no inherent meaning to life–that just opens up the door for us to make our own meaning.</p>

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<p>*It’s true that there’s no inherent meaning to life–that just opens up the door for us to make our own meaning. *</p>

<p>But that meaning is relative. The meaning you create is meaningless.</p>

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<p>i’ll learn about religions once i’m confident humanity isn’t at significant risk of going extinct or worse in the near future. so i probably will never learn about religions :p.</p>

<p>meaning or no meaning in life - and what meaning even is - seem awfully subjective and ill-defined. I think those questions might be better approached a different way - like what can i do so i stop worrying about the meaning of life question, what things in my life would let me put that to rest. that’s one option.</p>

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<p>How about you add this in, which follows naturally from a position of atheism: “I” don’t exist. My body exists, and my brain exists, but my personality, my thoughts, my feelings, all come down to my brain. They exist solely because my brain exists, and they are the way they are because of the circumstances surrounding my life.</p>

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<p>It has no objective meaning, but nothing does–not even science. The meaning therefore comes from the fact that I chose it: it’s personal.</p>

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<p>It’s funny, that’s the same thing Hinduism says :slight_smile: And Sufism. And Daoism (at least Zhuangzi). But, at least for the first two, they take the opposite point of view from then on: it’s the material universe that’s an illusion, and what’s real is the Soul (in Hinduism the individual soul itself is an illusion; the only soul is one with Brahman, and in Sufism the distinctions between I and Other disappear when you realize the collective nature of the human soul).</p>

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<p>I guess to me one of the defining factors of religion, whatever religion, is that it can’t be proven. If it could be proven, it would be a fact/a part of science. I have a really hard time with that. </p>

<p>I agree that I have sort of ignored half the world. It would be interesting to read more about those religions and I will have to make time to do so. Probably after AP testing aha.</p>

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<p>Yeah, a lot of high school definitely limits your education spatially, but that’s what a good college is there to fix :P</p>

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<p>^ugh I know. I’m too busy cramming every little detail of the human body and history to actually critically think about and explore much. Most of my AP classes ignore the overarching themes, instead focusing on tiny details everyone will soon forget. I’m excited for college and philosophy classes :slight_smile: (not to derail this thread lol I’ll stop now)</p>

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<p>time on your hands and an internet connection work too, if you have enough motivation/inspiration to pursue things.</p>

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<p>I don’t really understand the “science can be proven, and religion can’t be” perspective. I suppose it’s because I’m a transcendentalist at heart, but I don’t understand why the material world is placed to be true over everything else. at the very least, I think it’s more fair to say that religion (using this word very broadly here; I’m just talking about internal beliefs in general) is one perspective of reality, and science is another. and if they’re both perspectives of reality, they’re not even contradictory.</p>

<p>speaking of which, one of the arguments here is that religion or internal beliefs can’t be proved. but then… lack thereof can’t be proved either.</p>

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<p>Something I wanted to get at, but I never really touched on (must’ve forgot!), was that it’s equally foolish to ■■■■■ someone’s belief based on ideas like “Mine’s more factual” or “Mine’s more emotional” (etc). Respect has been distorted and diluted on both sides, if not lost. I may have my respective beliefs towards the modern institution of religion, but unlike some of my secular contemporaries, I don’t go around parading science, decrying and demoralizing any religious person in sight. The respect people had once had (if they really ever had this respect, but that’s for another discussion), for each other’s belief has been deteriorated. </p>

<p>Humans instinctively seek answers for the questions that naturally seem unanswerable (e.g: where we come from and what happens when we die). Due to this, conflicting ideas are more than a given, though people rarely realize that. If a religious person can respectfully talk to a secular person without any spite (and vice versa), respecting each other’s ideals (no matter how “incompatible” they may seem to you), we’d be avoiding the ideological militancy that has plagued society today. </p>

<p>It’s easier said than done, but it’s a thought.</p>

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<p>^I don’t think the groups with opposing religious beliefs ever really had respect for each other. That’s obviously a huuuuge generalization and is not the case with many religious people, but when I look at many conflicts today and in history, I definitely see a lot of them rooted in a lack of a “live and let live” philosophy regarding beliefs. </p>

<p>Definitely easier said than done, and it is something I will admit that I struggle with myself, despite how awful I know that is.</p>