<p>DS found out yesterday that he was placed in a single. He's attending a small LAC in another state where he doesn't know anybody. (Students come from all over, so most of them are in the same boat). He tends to be pretty shy, and I'm worried that this could make it even harder to get settled in. Has anybody had any experience with this?</p>
<p>Is the dorm all singles? (or mostly?) My D was placed in a single also (not by choice) but the entire dorm complex has so many singles… we heard during one of our tours over the past year that this is one of the most social dorms. No one wants to be hanging out by themselves and everyone keeps their doors open to meet people (hopefully they close them to study and get some sleep!). She’s already met a lot of people from her floor on their FB group – maybe your S can do the same.</p>
<p>My D is totally not shy, so – even though she doesn’t know anyone going to the OOS school – I don’t have the same concern that you do. However, I would encourage your S to get involved in dorm activities from Day One and make a special effort to come out of his shell a bit. Afterall, no one he will be meeting knows him as a “shy person.” And he does want to meet people, right?</p>
<p>I was shy in HS and determined NOT to be in college. I had to go out of my comfort zone at first (having a room across from the floor bathroom and keeping my door open helped!). None of my college friends would have ever pegged me as shy.</p>
<p>Good luck! I hope some of this helps.</p>
<p>Just leave the door open and have some food/treats in stock. Or maybe (shudder) a nice game deck or flatscreen TV.</p>
<p>DD had a single and ended up being the room where others stayed when having roommate issues, but that is girls!</p>
<p>I was an R.A. on a floor where one freshman unexpectedly found herself in a single. She told me early - on move-in day, I think - that she wished she had a roommate and was a little worried about meeting people and about finding people to eat meals with, so I checked in with her when i was walking to the cafeteria (myself or with other young women from the floor) for the first few weeks of school. It was soon fine. Tell her to tell her R.A. that she is a little worried. Leaving the door open is a great idea, too. It might be helpful have some unusual music playing (not loud) for a natural conversation starter - “What is that you are listening to?” Gives people an excuse to stop by and say hi.</p>
<p>My S is in a singles dorm by choice and loves it. He is one of about 8 singles to the suite. They are encouraged to keep their doors open and they sometimes cook for each other and hang out and study in the common area. My S is used to having his own space and appreciates the privacy. </p>
<p>In a dorm where everyone is in a single there are usually plenty of opportunities for kids to get out and socialize/study/eat.</p>
<p>I would say that if your son tries out a single and doesn’t like it, there will probably be many kids in doubles who want to switch with him!</p>
<p>I know one family who wanted a single for their daughter and were very upset when she didn’t get it (our school doesn’t place freshmen in singles.) They don’t think she will be able to study or sleep with someone else in the room, etc.</p>
<p>My daughter had a single her first year in college. With their doors open – which was most of the time – she and the girl across the (small) hall might just as well have been roommates – except they could each shut her door if she wanted. The two of them had a much closer, healthier relationship than my son had with his first-year roommate, with whom he actually shared a large room. Sometimes good fences DO make good neighbors.</p>
<p>My kid angled hard (and got) an single freshman year, but he had been at boarding school and was very “over” dorm life. The single sure didn’t impact his socialization and being the leader of all partying on the dorm hall.</p>
<p>S’s roommate never showed up and had a single for the rest of the year. It was tough for him at first, but he is not shy and made friends outside the dorm system. But, he is at a large university in which you can be more anonymous. At a LAC, such as where D will be attending in which there are a lot of singles, they seem to have systems in place to meet people. She requested a double and is on a floor where most rooms are singles. There seems to be a lot of orientation activities to help build the community.</p>
<p>I don’t think it makes much difference if she is on a freshman floor and there are a lot of rooms around. Where it gets difficult to meet others is apt style living freshman year or you are a freshman in an upperclass dorm. In fact, having a single could be a bonus for socializing. Though sometimes having a roommate can be helpful in meeting others, it does depend on the roommate you get. If you don’t get along well with the roommate or have one who is very different from you, it can even make things more difficult socially.</p>
<p>My son really liked his freshman roommate and is going to be living with him and others in an apt this upcoming year. He is very quiet, likes to keep to himself, and doesn’t like to have a lot of activity in the room. That often limited my son’s socialization because he did like and respect his roommate and wanted the room to be a sanctuary of sorts for them. However, it would have been a lot easier for him to socialize, have kids in his room if his roommate were not so private. This last year, son got a single, and what a difference it made. He could have people over whenever he liked and did not have to worry about a roommate. However, the room was in a bit of an out of the way location, which for him was fine as a sophomore, but he said that he would not have liked to have lived there as a freshman.</p>
<p>My daughter requested and got a single as a freshman. She loved it – especially the opportunity to sleep as much as she wanted, when she wanted. She was on a campus where lots of freshmen have singles, so there was nothing weird about it.</p>
<p>My son lived in a double as a freshman, but his roommate spent virtually all of his time with his girlfriend (day and night), so my son had a huge de facto single. He also loved it, although I don’t think sleep was one of his priorities.</p>
<p>Like you, I would be concerned about the social consequences of having a single dorm. But, I have heard that by simply keeping your door open and meeting others in the dorm, there is no downside. “More privacy but you can be just as social” seems to be the prevailing attitude of those I have heard discuss single dorms.</p>
<p>I am in a single as a freshmen. I had a roommate but the housing lottery kind of screwed me over. My roommate and I are in singles right next to each other and we were put on a waiting list if any singles open up. </p>
<p>I know there are positives and negatives with a single. I am thinking of mainly of the positives because I know I am going to have to be forward with making friends on my floor. I am probably going to keep my door open. I may not be the most social person but I am going try my hardest to make friends with people.</p>
<p>it was great, plus i’ll be in the same dorm room this year too.</p>
<p>I don’t understand how a single is going to be much of a disadvantage over a double if you are on a floor with other kids. It’s not like everyone is going to avoid the singles. You can visit others in their rooms and invite them to yours, keep your door open as YOU please without having to consider a roommate’s activities and needs. You can also have privacy without having to tell your roommate that you don’t want visitors to the room for whatever reason. I remember when I had a roommate, there were times I just wanted to be alone and it was not always easy to say something, My roommate would have friends in the room and they would be happily doing something, and I just would not want to spoil the occasion. Even with a headache or upset about something, I’d just keep a stiff upper lip. If I had to study, it meant packing up the books and heading to the library or reading room, even if I wanted to just work in bed in my pjs with a cup of tea. </p>
<p>Having a boyrfriend also complicates matters whether it is you or your roommate who gets the significant other. With a single, you don’t have anyone else you have to consider. When my roommates bf visited from Princeton, I’d always find somewhere to go to give them privacy. They call it “sexiled” these days. There doesn’t have to be sex involved either. I used to just cuddle with my bf or we would want to study together, and it could make the roommate uncomfortable. </p>
<p>I would have loved to have had a single freshman year. There were two singles on the floors with about 10 doubles. I don’t think the girls in the singles were disadvantaged in the least, socially and had a lot of advantages.</p>
<p>Where things got tough socially was when we all moved off campus which upperclassmen did at our school When you live in separate apartments with no common rooms, it really makes it more difficult to mingle with kids. Both my boys were in suites/apts their freshman year, and I really did not like that arrangement. Had I known that their chances of living that way were high, I would have gotten those room deposits in even earlier and insisted on a dorm room for each of them.</p>
<p>This will be an important issue for my D who REALLY wants a single. She’s a fairly private, reserved person who is used to socializing via classes and ECs, but also having privacy at home. We will lobby as much as we can for a single and hope for the best.</p>
<p>DS is shy and had a single frosh year (and every year since.) He loved it. He floor was pretty cohesive and he made friends with kids in surrounding rooms. It was made easier by the fact that all had singles.</p>
<p>He had a choice between doubles dorm and singles dorm and chose a single.</p>
<p>Since everyone in my family (with the exception of my lucky H) has a sleep disorder (persistent insomnia) it made life so much easier for him. </p>
<p>He also called me more because there was no roommate looking on or listening in. I really liked that!!</p>
<p>Going into his senior year he is now adept at living on his own. He is in his college town this summer, in a single in the dorms, with a car, paying his own way. </p>
<p>I think it’s a 50/50 proposition – advantages to a single/advantages to a double.</p>
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<p>She may want to apply to Cornell. They have lots of singles for freshmen, especially female freshmen. There is one large dorm that was endowed as women’s housing when it was built about 75 years ago and can never be used for any other purpose; it happens to have a lot of singles and is currently used as a freshman dorm. Because of the existence of this building, there are more singles for female freshmen than male freshmen (but there are quite a lot of singles for guys, too). </p>
<p>Getting a single as a sophomore is much more difficult, but many people move off campus or into Greek houses then anyway.</p>