<p>I’ve breezed through a lot of posts so excuse me if I am repeating, but I agree with whomever said to not lose contact with the original school. There are reinstatement processes that given a level of redemption and maturity might gain him reentry. In fact, it would say something for his integrity to go back and face the music at some point with professors and peers.</p>
<p>I too agree with avoiding CC at this point. There is not the sense of connection there that I thn this kid needs. And there is nothing wrong with a year of hard work to gain perspective. </p>
<p>You can love the kid and hate their choices - this much I know for certain. Believe me, all of this will take him to where he needs to be EVENTUALLY… it’s the patience that is so trying.</p>
<p>I am so sorry for what you and your family are going thru.</p>
<p>ataloss1: Of course your S needs to get his health back first!</p>
<p>Thereafter it might be attractive for him to go to a university in Europe (not necessarily the UK, other countries offer bacherlor and master programs in English as well). Assuming that he does not have an IB Diploma, he will need to have passed an X number of AP exams (X differs per country and per university). Higly likely courses taken at US colleges will be considered as well. </p>
<p>The advantages:</p>
<p>. Universities in Europe tend to more foregiving! Actually in my (European) country there is no such thing as a HS transcript. Universities only want to know the subjects you took and grades you received for the ‘national IB’ exams. college courses </p>
<p>. The bachelor part at European universities is much better characterized by the word ‘pre-graduate’ than by the word ‘college experience’. I mean this both in a social and in an academic sense. It is hard to explain this part, but one of the outcomes is that age is never an issue. In principle you can have an 80 year old sitting next to you in class (very, very rare). Your son will have matured a lot by the time he has recovered and this may be an advantage. </p>
<p>. Students focus on their major only. There is no core that your S will need to catch up with. Usually it will take 3 years to get a bachelor’s.</p>
<p>The main disadvantage of the European system is that students need to chose their major while still in HS. For most kids this is far too early and therefore switching majors is quite common. Switchers need to start all over again which is possible because the costs are not dramatic for local students. However, foreign students have to pay a lot more. This option is therefore only feasible if your S really knows what he wants to major in.</p>
<p>The University informed me at the time, he would not be welcomed back. I asked the Dean for direction for when the time came that he turned himself around but she told me she was not allowed to advise me. She was very polite but stated it was against University policy. She just wished him good luck and recommended therapy.</p>
<p>ataloss (I feel like you should really be notataloss) - true the university was cold at the time^ and it may not be the right thing for your son to consider contacting them but the experiences he is having in his internship and the connection he is making with a fellow worker at the restaurant sound really amazing - it might be good just for closure for him to write to the previous U and update them on his current experiences. I strongly suspect that by next year he will be firmly on track and doing something great - and by this I do not mean just superficially but from the inside too.
Whatever direction he goes in, after the healing process is complete, will be authentically his - we will never know in 10 years that the incredible person featured on Ted Talks will be your son. Lots of cyber support and wishes for the best for you and your S.</p>
<p>It sounds as if the internship and the restaurant job are giving him experience in the two extremes of “real life” - immersion in the world of those fortunate enough to be doing what they love and being paid handsomely for it, as well as a hard look at what adult life is like for the less fortunate. The fact that he has made a relationship with an agemate from disadvantaged circumstances is all to his credit, and it sounds as if he may very well make a huge difference in this young man’s life. It’s hard to imagine a better combination of experiences for him right now - but you must find a way to add therapy to the mix. </p>
<p>I am sorry that the university is taking such a hard line, but even if they don’t relent, there will be plenty of great schools that would welcome someone like your son. It is clear from the glimpse you gave us of his current life that he has some extraordinary qualities.</p>
<ol>
<li><p>Get healthy and keep up both the internship and the restaurant job. Counseling, too.</p></li>
<li><p>Try to volunteer by telling his story to those who will benefit from it. Many High Schools have programs for those heading off to college. Some CCs also have them for those transferring. The most powerful speakers at those events are those who flunked out or got kicked out of college. These speakers seem to really benefit from telling thier stories, too. I would expect that this kind of volunteering would also be the best possible accomplishment on a future college application.</p></li>
<li><p>Get into another great college and excel.</p></li>
<li><p>Long and happy life.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>I agree with ChiDad’s prescription, except for #2. I am not sure that it is a good idea for your son to make this unfortunate event the focus of his life right now, or for him to make it so public.</p>
<p>A fellow parent of a hs senior was charmed by a Grinnell College officer who related the tale of a student that went seriously awry. The college (Eventually) allowed the young man to return to finish his degree. The young man went on to found a large, successful company and was very generous to Grinnell in return. The student/school went on to a win-win from a bad start. It can happen. </p>
<p>Your student will not be the same young man a year from now (he’s not the same guy he was 6 months ago). If he works hard this year, then he can be in the position to write to the Dean and explain what he’s been doing and how he would be different if he were allowed to return (no frat and no alcohol might be part of the deal). But that is a decision for a few months from now. </p>
<p>Meanwhile, I hope you will congratulate your son on being employed. Apparently it is harder to get a job than to get into Harvard!</p>
<p>Years ago I suffered a spinal cord injury in a terrible accident (I was 26). I woke up a paraplegic and I wanted to die. Guess what? The world kept turning. I am married to a great guy. We have traveled (been to the Taj Mahal twice!), we have great kids, goofy dogs and good friends. One of the best things I did was to start doing things for others (my first project was a baby quilt for a friend expecting unexpectedly. It helped her feel better). Every moment I put into service was a moment I was not holding a pity party for moi. Please do share my tale with your kiddo. There are children, dogs, places, and causes that would be delighted to have a moment of his time.</p>
<p>The Bible has a verse that reads “I cried that I had no shoes until I saw a man who had no feet.” – add that to my personal (borrowed/plagarized?) motto: “Onward! Through the fog!” and be confident that the world will keep turning. We are all rooting for both of you.</p>
<p>Yes, Olymom - thanks for sharing - your post choked me up - but in a good way. A nice early morning reminder not to be sidetracked by the small stuff - and it’s all small stuff, right?</p>
<p>To Everyone who respnded to this thread…Thank you for the words of wisdom and encouragement.<br>
I guess this is a bump in the road of life and I am well aware tht things could be much worse.<br>
I hope when my son does come through this, and I know he will, that an admission dean, somewhere, can be as generous as you have all been.<br>
He does need to do take the time to do things for others, to give back a bit, because during high school and college, kids can become very Narcissistic.<br>
He is a good person at his core. Let’s hope this wake up call will do just that “Wake him up”!<br>
I think it will.</p>
<p>Will you come back and give an update next year? I am hoping to hear a happy ending to your son’s story. It was brave of you to post “bad news” on a site where most people are sharing only good news about their kids. This information is helpful–even if only as a warning that academic dishonesty can have very serious consequences.</p>
<p>I would have your son read the post by timely #27 a few times. It’s a very good suggestion. </p>
<p>You son sounds like he is an intelligent, hard-working guy who made a few very dumb decisions. He got hit with very stiff consequences. Once he is physically stronger, he will do one of two things…obsess about this and have negative, depressed “all my hopes are dashed” focus, or he can figure out another way to get where he wants to go. Learning to learn from mistakes and move on, think outside the box & all that … is going to be a skill that will help him in life. Does he know how many multi-millionaires have gone bankrupt? It’s a hard thing to fall hard, pick yourself up and keep going. </p>
<p>You sure sound like loving, supportive parents & I hope your son is stronger and active soon. He may want to get a job for a year or such, but he certainly can finish his degree goals if he talks himself up instead of down and isn’t too hard on himself for screwing up. (Something we all do at some point to varying degrees…)</p>
<p>Here’s my advice as someone who went through a similar situation personally (I went to a top 10 university, with SAT of 1550 out of 1600). His best option is re-enrolling into the college he was kicked out. Elite universities try very hard to work with their students (even expelled students), so long as the person genuinely accepts responsibility and makes amends. Your son’s situation is helped by the fact that he has a medical diagnosis of Lyme’s Disease. Get that treated and in control (have documentation), and have him volunteer at shelters or free clinics, or work at internships in the meantime, and perhaps take summer classes at his former university (don’t do community college unless requested). When the time comes (no more than two years), have him pay a visit to the Dean of Students and express his heart out about wanting to be back as a student and be re-enrolled. I would say he would have a high chance of being reinstated. This will be the best and easiest option for him. Otherwise it would be difficult for him to enroll into another top tier university. </p>
<p>I was able to re-enroll a year after my incident and graduated with honors at my top 10 university. I learned from my experience, gained perspective during the break, and went on to medical school (I was truthful on my med school applications) and am very successful today. Whatever he does, do not let him give up. All is not lost, do not let him feel like he has permanently tarnished his future. But he cannot slip up anymore starting now. He needs to get active, work out and build up confidence and determination.</p>
<p>Just to be clear, when I said re-enroll, I mean being reinstated to the university that expelled him, not re-applying. Have these available when he meets his Dean of Students: documentation of Lyme’s Disease (and that it’s being controlled), evidence of soul-searching (volunteering, tutoring, service, work), summer class grades (if possible), and perhaps a long personal statement about wanting to be back at the school. Remember, he must accept responsibility, demonstrate change and capacity, and be positive that he can handle the stresses should they come again (and they will at elite universities).</p>