<p>I don't know how exactly I acquired this unbearable mental state. I feel like I'm under extreme pressure to stay fit and maintain a 4.0 at the same time. Quite frankly, I don't think I can last like this without experiencing a nervous breakdown any time soon. My expectations for myself are so exceedingly high that I think I will become severely affected when I let myself down even just once (I've met my academic and fitness goals in all days of 2 months of college thus far). And as much as I want to focus my energy solely on strengthening my intellect, I do like the attention I get for my appearance as well, so I try to keep that up. And after some time, I realized that I'm not even doing it for myself any more... I become afraid that if I don't eat enough protein or lift enough on a certain day (due to extended period of studying), I won't look quite as good as I'd hope for that day (since I'm seeking daily improvement) and then disappoint people (who probably won't even notice any minor difference). I realize that my thoughts sound irrational to other people, and that's why I'm seeking help. Could I be suffering from a mental disorder?</p>
<p>Hey, Gargoyle. Welcome to cc.</p>
<p>Sometimes it is good to be so introspective. I think if you reread your post you will see that you have answered your own question. You are in an unbearable mental state.</p>
<p>Your intentions probably started very well (do well in school and stay healthy,fit and jacked) but somewhere along the way your demands on yourself became over the top. It's terrific that you can see this and realize it is becoming a problem. So now what?</p>
<p>It would be great for you to go and take advantage of your schools student health center. Talking with a counselor at this point will be a tremendous help to you and you really need to do this for yourself so you can continue to be healthy mentally and physically as you deal with the challenges of school. </p>
<p>You should be proud of yourself for knowing something is not quite right and you should believe me when I say you can't remedy this alone. </p>
<p>So make an appointment on Monday, okay? </p>
<p>Well, I see from your other posts that maybe you are still in HS or not in college? Then head for the family doctor.</p>