So, I didn’t have a lot of friends for most of high school & went into college trying to be SUPER social, talked to everyone, went to all the events at first, etc. I made a bunch of friends/acquaintances this way, which was nice. The problem is I’m finding I don’t actually like the hypersocial nature of college and I kind of preferred my life when I only had 2-3 friends who I hung out with every few weeks. My friends here want to eat every meal together, study together, go to every event the college puts on together, and basically spend every waking minute in each other’s company.
To me this sounds like a nightmare. I don’t enjoy any of it. To me, an ideal day is studying for a few hours, going to the library to read/write, relaxing over dinner alone while watching a movie, etc. Is that weird? I think I’m just bizarrely introverted but I’m not sure if this is just unhealthy behavior. If I do the things I feel like I actually enjoy, will I end up isolating myself and regretting it in the end?
If you’re an introvert then that’s just the way you are. As a fellow introvert I’d say it’s not wierd at all. If hanging out with people 24/7 is making you miserable then simply don’t do it. If the people are really your friends then they won’t mind hanging out with you just a few days a week.
I think the first few weeks of college can be socially exhausting for many people. I bet things will calm down when they have more work to do and the novelty of meeting new people wears off. I would keep eating with them to keep your social options open, but go study in the library to get some solitary quiet time.
I can be very introverted and only have a handful of friends. Some days I am perfectly happy to go all day without seeing anyone but my husband and those I work with (though the days I have the office to myself are golden for me). Other days I don’t mind socializing. You’ll find a good balance after you’ve had some time to adjust. As long as you’re not holing up in your room and NEVER socializing, I think you’ll be fine.
Keep time in your day and week for socializing. Once it becomes a habit and it has boundaries, it will feel less exhausting. You need: class time, study time, friend time, me time. It doesn’t have to all be in big, single blocks. Small blocks of me time and friend time, scattered throughout the day may feel easier for you. Meals are a traditional social time but that doesn’t mean you can’t eat occasional meals with just yourself and a good book.
If you have a day of the week that’s especially hectic, we’ll call it Thursday, tell your friends that you can’t meet them for lunch on Thursdays because you need the time to prep for lab or decompress after lecture X.
The first month or so of freshmen year is especially hectic- most people are desperately searching for friends, their niche, and wanting to soak up the experience, so it’s not strange at all to feel like everything is hypersocial. There are also wayyy more events put out by the college in the beginning in the year. In my experience, it will die down a lot as the year goes on and people become more settled. As you get to know your friends better, you’ll all get accustomed to each other’s habits/routines. I’m also an introvert, and over time my friends understood that sometimes I needed to take a break and just chill alone in my room.
I do think that it’s wise that you make sure you don’t completely drift away from all of your friends at least. My advice is to stick it out for the remainder of this hectic time so you don’t miss the window to make friends, but after that it’s totally fine to ease off and take some time for yourself. Don’t be afraid to say that you prefer to study alone- I think most people will understand.
It’s totally a tough balance between yourself and your social life - on one hand I think having a diverse network in college is important in terms of emotional support, getting class help, hearing about opportunities, etc, but on the other hand it is honestly extremely exhausting for us introverts to constantly put ourselves out there like that.
@redandblack - I don’t think the problem is as much the “hypersocial” nature of college as it is your trying to fit in to what you see as the idealized notion of college and friends. Take a breather and observe what is happening around you. While there will be many extroverts and people who want to be around others 24/7, there will also be many introverts who need their down time to be alone and decompress.
The key is to find your tribe rather than trying to fit into what you think the college experience should be. Several of the previous posters have offered some good advice. Many of these initial friends may remain friends throughout your college experience - but you may also find that friendships change and evolve through the years.
Ultimately you need to remain true to who you are. Having friends and social groups are important, but you need to find those friends who will acknowledge your need for quiet, down time.
Speaking as an extrovert married for many years to an introvert, it’s important to find friends who accept you for who you are - rather than presenting yourself as who you think you should be.