Okay so this is more of a rant but any advice or I guess sympathy could help lol. So I’m a freshman in my second semester and I’m still sooo homesick. Everyone told me I’d only be homesick the first few months of college but I’m now in my second semester and I still feel homesick. I go home every weekend since I live about an hour away and just use public transportation to get there. I hate that I go home every weekend because I feel like I’m not getting the full college experience but in all honesty knowing that I’m going to see my family is what helps me get through the week. I don’t have friends because I am just such an introvert and I haven’t found any clubs I feel a passion to join. I tried getting a job and joining an organization at the beginning of this semester but didn’t get accepted. I’m thinking of rushing in the fall but I’m still not sure. I know my roommate from my high school so we do hang out and do stuff but not that often. I never do anything fun, I go to class and come back to my dorm and just do homework. Also, I find college is really lonely so maybe that’s a factor on why I’m so homesick all the time. When I’m out with my roommate it’s fun I guess but then when we come back and do our own things I just feel so lonely. I’ve been thinking of transferring or commuting lately but I feel like those aren’t options. I can’t drive plus my college has a really good program for my major so I want to stay. I’m thinking maybe I can stick it out one more year in the dorms and then commute or something junior/senior year. I just miss my family and knowing that if I’m having a bad day I can just spend quality time with them and forget about it. Like I said I’m hoping to rush and get a job next semester so hopefully sophomore year will be better but everything always goes against me so I don’t want to get my hopes up. There’s only 8 weeks of school left until summer but I really feel like I can’t do this anymore. I just wanted to come on here to rant because I feel like no one else will understand me and think I’m crazy for still being homesick. Sorry for the length of this like I said I just needed to rant.
I am sorry that you are having these difficulties- you should know that what you are experiencing is not uncommon. Have you been for counseling? If not, I suggest that you make the phone call. I think getting a part time job is a good idea and something you could discuss, along with rushing.
I feel your pain. I attempted to address this for myself by looking into clubs for more stereotypically introverted activities – book club, literary magazine. I also started volunteering at my local animal shelter. Volunteering regularly is nice because you get to know the people there and are also accomplishing something at the same time, so the focus isn’t on making friends alone.
First, immediately make an appointment for your counseling center at college. Go asap. Second, you HAVE to stop going home every weekend. It isn’t helping you. It’s a crutch and it is holding you back from so many things: becoming an adult, becoming independent, learning to socialize, developing relationships apart from your family, and on and on. I am not saying never go home, but try going home every other week for just a couple of months. ANYONE, and I do mean anyone, can handle a couple of weeks away from home. Young children go to sleep away camp. If they can do it, so can you.
IMO, you should transfer to a college farther from home, but I suspect you won’t consider that. You are emotionally dependent on visits home because you have not accepted the idea that you need to become an independent adult. You fear what might happen if you don’t go home every weekend. Here’s what will happen: you will have a few boring weekends not going home, you might be on your own, which isn’t great, but you will get through it, and eventually you will start having a social life.
My daughter is VERY shy, a true introvert. She had a very rough first sememster, and was five hours away. Two days after she arrived, I had a bunch of texts that said things like “this is not the place for me” and “I can withdraw now and you can get your money back.” It was horrible, for us and for her. She is five hours away. She had a hard time, but she got through it. She had no friends at all for two whole months. Not one. She is in her second semester now and has friends and is finally enjoying college life. Is she homesick? Probably, but she is dealing with it.
When students are never on campus, at the weekends, it’s obvious. People aren’t investing time in forming friendships with you becasue you are living the life of a suitcase student. Ask someone if they want to do a study group. Join a different club. Smile at someone, ask about an assignment. Ask the friend you do have if there is something going on at the wekeknd that you can do too. You have to be proactive, and you have to want things to change for the better. You have made a first step by posting here. Keep moving forward, because what you are currently doing is paralyzing your growth.
P.S., sure, get a job and try rushing. Both good things.
You’re not crazy, I spent most of freshman year crying and wishing I was home. I think most people secretly like the warmth and comfort of home, even those who are really extroverted and seem to be loving college. As I suspect you know, it’s not a good idea to keep going home all the time because you’ll rely on it and never branch out. Going home every weekend is a bandaid on the problem.
Regarding not being passionate about any clubs, don’t use that an excuse. You don’t need to LOVE the specific activity or having a burning passion for it. If it sounds like something you might mildly enjoy, then try it. Like others said, something based on either volunteering or a more introverted pursuit (writing, etc) might be a good start.
This is my standard “How to make friends” info.
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During Orientation, go to as many activities as you can. Ask people in your hall way if they are going. Introduce yourself…they are looking for friends too. “Hey, I am Pat…what are you majoring in?”
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Go to the Activities Fair and sign up for a bunch of clubs that are of interest. They may not all pan out, but don’t eliminate anything yet. If you are into music/D&D/running/church/whatever, you can find other people who are interested too. Service clubs are great because you spend time working together.
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Talk to the people on your floor…Get some cookies and offer them “Hey I have cookies, anyone want some?” and then strike up a conversation about where they are from, what they are majoring in, etc. People like to talk about themselves…let them. Don’t make it too long…move on to others.
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At dinner time, ask your roommate/people on your hall if they are going to dining hall. Go with them. See if people in your dorm generally sit in the same area… Join them.
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Go to any dorm activities your RA has set up. If you are still having issues, talk to your RA. See if they have ideas. If not suggest that they have one. Maybe a movie and pizza?
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Join your dorm’s intramural (or any intramural) team.
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Talk to others in your classes…exchange numbers so that if either of you miss you can exchange notes… Ask what someone got on a homework question (that you did too)…once you get to know them, ask if they want to form a study group.
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If this isn’t working, go to the Counseling Center…they are ready to help freshman this time of year. Don’t think you are a loser because you have to go…this is something you pay for! Get the benefit! You may need to learn some new social skills. They may also have group talks on Homesickness or fitting in.
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Go to ongoing campus activities…concerts/movies/lectures/parties. Invite someone/group of people or just sign up and meet people for activities that might be off campus.
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See if your dorm/floor has a GroupMe Group set up…otherwise suggest to someone who is extraverted that it might be a good idea. Then people can send a group text that they are showing a movie in the lounge or are baking cupcakes in the kitchen.
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Get an on campus job.
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Join a service organization…you can help people and make friends too.
You may notice that all of these things take some action…they are not passive. You have to take initiative. But the risk is small…if someone says no, then just say “Maybe another time”.
I’m in the exact same situation as you, it’s so tough
It’s normal. It seems like I did nothing cry but and miss home my first year. I’m in my second year now, and though it is not constant, I still feel homesick at times. I am close to my family. Home is where I feel safe and loved. College is where I feel just the opposite, so it’s normal. I’m :(( as I type this response for that very reason. Hang in there and know you’re not alone.
you are literally me. I felt the same way. I mostly sat alone in my room freshman year and never felt at home anywhere. But I’m also planning to rush and I’ve joined organizations this summer and realized how important that is! When people say to join things to find a community they are 100% right. It’s intimidating at first but totally worth it. Also my parents visit me every weekend because I live close by xD