<p>i'll try to keep this as brief as possible:</p>
<p>my parents expect me home from college every weekend. i'll be two hours away. they want to make the drive. they will do it; i know them. how can i convince them that it will be counterproductive and hinder my growth as an adult? they think i must study all the time and if im not studying, i must go home because all college kids are not to be trusted and they're overly sinful creatures and i'll succumb to peer pressure and become a failure at life (my parents arent super-religious...but they use religion as an excuse to never let me go out. for example, my mom can be a bit gossipy, but she says "dont go out with friends, all kids do is gossip and gossip is sinful." annoyingly hypocritical. plus they're immigrants and see american culture as horrifyingly inferior.) im just as concerned about my future success as my parents. they just dont realize that there's more to life than being a successful doctor who gives bountiful charity. i'm not asking to change their perspective in only one talk, but what can i do between now and the end of august to show them that i should only come home when i feel comfortable coming home / my parents need me home? i want to change once a week to once a month and i don't want to do the "make up bs excuses (or even valid excuses) to stay" kind of thing...that will just stress me out even more...id rather not have to be thinking of an excuse every week. thank you!</p>
<p>Maybe after they do the drive (they’re driving to pick you up?) a few times they will tire of the routine after they see you aren’t turning into a rebel. It may just take some time, transitions are tough on everyone and parents have a hard time letting go… If you do go with excuses you might try to tell them that all the driving is reducing your study time :)</p>
<p>You are wasting your breath to try to convince them now.
Make sure you have Friday afternoon/evening classes.
They can’t come get you until Saturday morning.
Or
Join a church at college.
If they see you are involved with the college church group they will let you stay weekends at college.
They can drive up and attend church on Sundays with you.
Then go home after a nice lunch.
Or get a research job/beaker washer/weekend plant water/cage cleaner for lab animals for the biology lab.
You need to stay on weekends to tend to the plants/animals.</p>
<p>@margatini i’d really like to not just wait and see how this goes…it could end up in my favor (maybe they will see the weekend-visits as stupid) or it could end up going terribly (they dont let up, i resent them more, just bad feelings all around, i dont know…it…it just may not go well). and that’s true, but then again, i’d really like a healthy discussion before school starts to alleviate my worries and my parents’ worries. </p>
<p>@suzy100 sadly, no. the only other adults in my life are a few uncles and they’re all irresponsible and still live with their mom…my parents wont take them seriously :/</p>
<p>@Batllo do you really think it isn’t worth a shot? it is kind of late in the game for me to get my stubborn parents to see things my way so we can get a compromise going, but still…i feel as if a conversation about it couldn’t hurt. i’ve got one friday class from about 1 to 3 o clock. i also plan on getting a job on campus. and those are some really great ideas! thank you!</p>
<p>You might contact someone at your college such as the Dean of Students of the Head of Residential Life who may be willing to talk to your parents about how the school believes it is in the best interest of it’s students for students to stay on campus and integrate into campus life.</p>
<p>What will happen if you tell them that you will not go on weekends? Its funny b/c don’t they realize that you can get into just as much trouble @ home?? Trouble can come in any form/in any setting!!! Like someone else said. Tell them that you have a late Friday/early Saturday morning class.</p>
<p>Is there a reason that they don’t trust you? Maybe you should go to the root of the problem and ask them why. And what they are going to do about you after college when you actually get a job and move far, far away.</p>
<p>i think that once they see you are responsible without them watching your every move they will lighten up. my mom is already selling the furniture and bed in my room =[ she wants me out!</p>
I have that problem too. My mom wants to get rid of my bed, sell the dresser. Like what the hell woman, am I sleeping in my car during the summer months?</p>
<p>As for your parents, I’d agree that you should go for the ‘get a job’ approach. It’ll show responsibility and give a 100% legitimate reason why you can’t leave.</p>
<p>What sort of conversation do you want to have with your parents? It sounds to me as if you are actually disagreeing with their values and have no intention of keeping up their standard of a virtuous life. If you hint at that, they are more likely to panic and not send you to college at all…</p>
<p>
Counterproductive to what and hindering what growth in what ways? You’ll have to be a lot more explicit than that if you want to have a productive conversation. What is it that you want to do at college that you cannot do if you spend weekends at home? (As much as I hate to say it, spending weekends away from home is not a prerequisite to becoming a mature adult. 5 days a week on your own are plenty to practice your independence…)</p>
<p>If your parents are sincerely concerned about the college environment having a negative impact on you, a verbal argument is not going to change that. They might let you spend a few weekends on campus if you have good reasons for doing so, but they’ll be extremely uncomfortable and watch you even closer in the process. They won’t find peace of mind until they see you not losing your virtues in your new environment. That will necessarily be a slow process.</p>
<p>If your parents would approve of your college lifestyle, you could invite them to spend a weekend with you and your friends on campus. That could alleviate many of their fears.</p>
<p>Also keep in mind that your parents will miss you dearly after you move out. That by itself would be enough to ask for frequent visits home. Not having you around is a big change for them too.</p>
<p>I personally would take the slow and steady approach where I do initially come home as requested and ask to spend occasional weekends at school. I’d try to re-negotiate the visit frequencies after my parents are comfortable with me spending time away from home.</p>
<p>Your parents sound like my kind of people honestly, so I don’t have too much to say…</p>
<p>Realistically, just go along with their every weekend thing initially. They’re still getting used to the idea of you being away for long periods of time. I’m sure after a few months they’ll be more OK with you spending the weekend on your own as they get used to it.</p>
<p>The worst thing you can do with protective parents is give them the “I’m a grown man/woman and want my freeeeeedom!” Braveheart speech, because quite frankly that’s cliche/exactly what they’re expecting and will probably reinforce their existing views. It makes it seem like you want to go party and ruin your life, because in their minds, why else would you make such a big deal out of coming home for the weekend?</p>
<p>You need to at least act like you’re OK with it initially and just gradually let them get used to you being away, when they realize you’ll be safe.</p>
I don’t intend to be judgmental, but honestly unless the child has actually done something to make the parents believe they are untrustworthy, I agree that it can inhibit their growth to force them to constantly come home and be checked up on. Not to mention it’ll be embarrassing.</p>
<p>“plus they’re immigrants and see american culture as horrifyingly inferior.)”</p>
<p>If your parents find American culture so horrifyingly inferior, what stops them from returning to their own wonderful culture?</p>
<p>Your parents will be forcing you to miss a lot if they insist on bringing you home every weekend. Why don’t you just tell them that upon further thought, if that is their intent, you have chosen to just stay home and attend a nearby community college? That will horrify them if they are so intent on your ultimate success and see community college as inferior. Otherwise, what would happen if you simply aren’t available to go home? Study group, lab time, campus job, team sport, club meeting, all that stuff happens on weekends at college, I don’t care where you are. If they take you away from things that also build your success at college and contribute to your “resume” they will be the ones impeding on your success. You won’t have to “find excuses” during college, trust me. There will be plenty of reasons why you can NOT take the time to go home without missing something much more important. Call home a lot, but always sound very, very busy with classes, studying, and other commitments.</p>
<p>I really disagree with the advice to just go along with weekly visits home at first. It is those first weekends when social connections are made, clubs are organized, special presentations and events are all happening,etc. There is a reason why breaks are worked into the school calendar. College is not like high school. It is not just about classes Monday through Friday. If that is all your parents think it is, they should just pay for community college and nothing more. If you go home in the early weekends, when everyone else is establishing routines, connections, etc, it will be to your detriment. Going home later in the year is actually easier, after you have worked out a weekend schedule and see where any truly “free time” is Friday evening through Sunday afternoon.</p>
<p>I went to school only 20 minutes from home, and some weekends, there honestly wasn’t time for a quick visit home to grab dinner, or whatever. I didn’t party, either!</p>
<p>My advice would be to fill up your weekend schedule so that you need to be on campus. Tell your parents that there is a study group on Saturday morning or a lab on Saturday afternoon or a professor’s or TA’s review session. Tell them you need to do some research in the library. Tell them you have a religious group meeting or program.</p>
<p>Odds are, all of these excuses are true. Because you will have all these things going on once you are on campus.</p>
<p>And be cooperative to them…ask if they can pick you up saturday at 6 pm, and have you back on Sunday by 1 pm because you have something mandatory on campus. You need to take a quiz from the language lab or the chem lab.</p>
<p>Be very cooperative…and very inconveniencing.</p>
<p>After a while, they will see that you are not changing in to the person of their stereotype, and they will let up.</p>
<p>Call your parents as you walk to class then you can keep the conversations short because you are going into class and need to hang up.
Or call them before dinner then you have to go because you and your hall mates are going to eat.
Do not let them know your exact schedule or say it is flexible-adding discussion sessions and going to guest lectures on campus.
Tell them the library is a no cell phone zone, that buildings block signals so you will answer their texts and messages as soon as possible.
You can carve privacy for yourself.</p>