<p>^^ yes, I agree, I’m derailing but…I was furious this year because the ‘girls’ in my son’s group always pick the restaraunt prior to the homecoming dance. They picked the aboslutely most expensive restaurant in the area. These poor boys had to shell out for a corsage, shell out for gas for their cars to drive 45 minutes and back to the restaurant, and then shell out for a dinner when I tell you the boys would have been happy at the local Applebees. I asked my son if they were all going dtuch and he said no he would have to pay. I almost called all the girls parents to give them an earful but my son simply withdrew $200 (At $8.00 an hour minus taxes took him forever to earn) to escort the young lady because we don’t pay for the kids for stuff like this. Then I told the boys they needed to get some spine and learn how to say “no.” Then I wrote a letter to the school and told them what kids were doing. This is just a dance…which used to be held immediately following the game in the gym in jeans and has turned into the next night with dinner, corsages…but still in the gym. Ridiculous way to spend $200 for 17 year olds. That is so much money and so much time worked to earn this money. It’s been over a month and I’m still steaming about it. This entire country needs to get its head screwed on again. Our priorities are so totally out of wack it’s making me sick to my stomach.</p>
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<p>Or in D2’s case–an old pick-up truck, a single rose, his tux from the thrift shop, her dress from Overstock, some lipstick & hot rollers, dinner at a local Thai restaurant.</p>
<p>At D1’s prom, at least one couple came in a outfits made entirely out of duct tape and D1’s friends had a potluck for the group at one of the girls’ home.</p>
<p>At both their high schools, it had become chic to downplay prom and homecoming. You were supposed to quirky and individualist, and not rockin’ the bling.</p>
<p>That is so much money and so much time worked to earn this money.</p>
<p>I agree that is ridiculous.
But not ubiquitous.
When my youngest went to senior prom, she and her friends had dinner at a friends home, then they all rode together to the dance.( in personal cars)</p>
<p>*the ‘girls’ in my son’s group always pick the restaraunt prior to the homecoming dance. They picked the aboslutely most expensive restaurant in the area. These poor boys had to shell out for a corsage, shell out for gas for their cars to drive 45 minutes and back to the restaurant, and then shell out for a dinner when I tell you the boys would have been happy at the local Applebees. I asked my son if they were all going dutch and he said no he would have to pay. I almost called all the girls parents to give them an earful but my son simply withdrew $200 (At $8.00 an hour minus taxes took him forever to earn) to escort the young lady because we don’t pay for the kids for stuff like this. *</p>
<p>Awful. Who is raising these girls!?! In my day, when a boy took you out, you tried to order something inexpensive, and you certainly NEVER picked out some pricey place when you weren’t doing the treating. Ugh! Honesty, do parents not talk to their kids about these things anymore? What the heck is going on?</p>
<p>Wowmom and EK4…props to you moms!</p>
<p>I spent a grand total of $12 on my dress, had my hair done for cheap by my aunt, and didn’t wear make up or expensive jewelry. Know what? I looked just as good, if not better, than many of the other girls. I just couldn’t get over how fake they looked. Yuck! Other than that, my now ex-fiance and I split everything right down the middle with costs and neither of us ever dreamed of asking our parents for money. We had as good of a time as anyone else!</p>
<p>@emeraldkity, the culture affects the values of the home in most cases; otherwise it wouldn’t be the culture. And unless a kid is locked up in a home with no access to the outside world, he or she is going to be influenced by the culture.</p>
<p>Maybe it is because we live in an urban area & kids go to high school with lots of less affluent kids–but there is nothing like $500 dresses etc. My older D did get her hair put into a professional updo for prom, which I paid for–but she bought her dress on the clearance rack for under $40, so I figured that was a reasonable senior-year splurge. D hosted homemade dinner here before one dance and the girls all did each other’s make up.</p>
<p>All depends on where you live…Having lived in one of the most expensive counties in the country,the story above about expensive dinner, etc is the norm, not exception, and likely totoal costs for the prom at this particular HS exceeds 1k per couple…where we currently reside not quite as costly,but still COA of prom cost my D2 easily 300-400 ,between dress,hair,nails,prom bid,pre-prom party and post-prom costs, it is what it is…</p>
<p>Also, i would never consider calling the parents of the girls who ‘picked’ the expensive restauant…The boys need to man up and say NO, afterall it is THEIR dates doing this</p>
<p>the culture affects the values of the home in most cases; otherwise it wouldn’t be the culture. And unless a kid is locked up in a home with no access to the outside world, he or she is going to be influenced by the culture.
so how do you explain the different behaviors of the teens if group think is so pervasive?</p>
<p>^^^</p>
<p>I think there are sub-groups within a culture. A culture can create these pressures to have pricey-proms, but those belonging to a sub-culture can “ban together” to counter.</p>
<p>My kids went to a small Catholic high school that did not go for these pricey proms. However, the nearby public’s prom is like a Hollywood premiere. The girls even have “after prom” outfits.</p>
<p>Okay, we’re totally derailing but I have to chime in with my pet peeve - parents who publicly give their HS kids expensive new cars and lavish “sweet 16” parties. We live in a small town with kids from all walks of life who go to school and socialize nicely together. I was not happy when a few of the wealthier residents embarked on this extravagant birthday nonsense… not that I care if they want to give their kids cars, but do they really have to do it at a fancy party like that? It suddenly created a separation that wasn’t there before.</p>
<p>Perhaps the parents should have given the car ‘at home’ and not at the party, kinda tacky…won’t criticize parents for buying their children the car, nor for throwing them a party…</p>
<p>We are derailing but my point was that many things in day to day life get totally blown out of proportion and what “appears” to be the norm can be dialed back or at the very minimum need to be challenged sometimes. And yes, I think the boys should have “manned up” but 17 year old boys sometimes let their hormones guide their brains. It is entirely possible “we” were the only parents that don’t bankroll the cost of dating. Getting back to the point, college is expensive and you plan for it, or you dial it back. Best to follow your own compass than to try and guess where everyone else’s compass is pointing. If your EFC is unreasonable then you have to follow a different course. If you get to far down the path of life and can’t retrace your steps then you have to figure out a new plan.</p>
<p>OMG! One of the very first " My Sweet 16" reality show episodes on MTV (?) was a girl from our local HS. Both of my Ds watched show just so they could they could mock her/her party mercilessly. D2 knew a bunch of kids who attended the party. D2 was totally repulsed by the whole thing, plus had a ton of nasty backstage gossip about what really went on.</p>
<p>What I find interesting is that parents will pay thousands of dollars for travel teams, dance teams, horseback riding lessons … proms … etc … etc. Those same parents will turn around and complain about how “FAFSA expects me to pay HOW much!!!” </p>
<p>Truly, I just don’t get it. Where is the money tree that is supposed to yield grants for every kid whose parent blew it … because, ya know, it’s unfair for the kid to pay for the sins of her mother? Where is the money tree that is supposed to yield grants for every kid whose parents weren’t able to save for college because they chose to use all of their very decent salaries (which you have if your EFC is high) to maintain a standard of living they chose of their own free will? Where is the money tree that is supposed to yield grants for EVERYONE who believes they SHOULD get free money?</p>
<p>Come on, folks. Money does NOT grow on trees. There simply is not enough to give to everyone who wants it or thinks they deserve it.</p>
<p>I have “given” money to thousands of kids who need it. Not THINK they need it … NEED IT. Unfortunately, there wasn’t enough money for all of the students who truly needed it. So forgive me if I don’t feel sorry for those who could afford it but for whatever reason didn’t save, don’t want to cut back, don’t want to part with it.</p>
<p>Those who earn a decent salary have options. They might not always be the options they would prefer to have, but they are viable options. The limited pool of free money isn’t even big enough to take care of those who legitimately have no options.</p>
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<p>If you have unreimbursed high medical expenses or credit card debt due to job lay off, you should contact your college and find out how to file a special circumstances consideration request. If your college does these (not required but is something some schools do)…you will be asked to provide documentation of your medical expenses/job lay off information so that the school can make a professional judgement regarding your financial situation.</p>
<p>While there is no place on the FAFSA for this type of information, it can be considered by colleges…and some do so. BUT you have to provide them with the information they request to document your special financial circumstances.</p>
<p>*What I find interesting is that parents will pay thousands of dollars for travel teams, dance teams, horseback riding lessons … proms … etc … etc. Those same parents will turn around and complain about how “FAFSA expects me to pay HOW much!!!”
*</p>
<p>Kelsmom…you are so right. I can’t believe how much some parents spend on “club teams”, “winter teams”, travel to various competitions, special lessons, private coaches/trainers, People to People trips, etc.</p>
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<p>I do agree, strongly, with your basic message, but I would not be too harsh on the kid whose parents have made the bad decisions. It’s not the kid’s fault (although certainly the kid did benefit, in the short term, from those decisions). I can understand the feelings of a kid who arrives at age 18 and all of a sudden gets slapped in the face with the cold, hard reality that there is no money tree - when all their life, there has been the money tree in the orchard of mom and dad. So I have some sympathy for that kid. </p>
<p>I have no sympathy, however, for the parent who thinks that there is this magic money tree constantly refreshed by the government, or the private institutions, and that they deserve its pickings, and feel that it is so unfair that kids who come from truly needy families are getting an undeserved boost.</p>
<p>I agree with you. I DO feel bad for the kids. I have dealt with a number of students who do not have enough money for school, whose families have EFC’s too high for grant aid, and who are stunned to find out that they do not have enough aid to afford school. I have had to spend time helping crying students figure out what they are going to do. It is so sad, and I do not have a hard heart, but reality is reality. I have been able to convince some students to start at a CC … others to live at home & commute (even though they did not want to do that). Those are the easy ones, though … the harder ones are the kids who come from abusive homes who really need to leave in order to be successful in school … but while their aid will cover the cost of tuition, it won’t cover housing costs. Or the kids whose parents make just enough to not qualify for Pell … but certainly not enough to easily afford tuition. There are so many in this boat, and their parents really do not make enough to afford to house/feed/clothe a family at more than a basic level, let alone pay for school. Loans won’t cover tuition, unfortunately, and their families really do not have leftover money for savings.</p>
<p>The one thing I absolutely believe is that tuition costs need to be controlled. I think that the cost of public universities is out of control.</p>
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<p>Actually, the chart I posted in the OP of this thread</p>
<p><a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/1237172-real-cost-going-college.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/1237172-real-cost-going-college.html</a></p>
<p>shows that the net tuition costs at all classes of colleges haven’t changed much over the last decade. </p>
<p>After all the gloom and doom talk, I’ve been reasonably encouraged by the results from most of the NPCs I’ve experimented with over the last week or so - some public, some private.</p>