I failed half of my courses this semester. I tried so hard, studied as much as I could but it just doesn’t seem enough. I’m interested in the courses that I’m taking and I’m able to actually do them but somehow, when it’s time for the exam, I blank out.
I’m struggling with social anxiety since highschool and even though I know I should ask questions to my teachers when I don’t understand something, I can’t bring myself to and instead, turn to my books and try to teach myself the material. I’m not really open to my parents and I don’t feel comfortable telling them about how I feel, I don’t want them to see me cry. I know that my parents only want the best for me, I know that they love me but when it comes to school, it’s like there is no valid excuse for me to not do well in them. All throughout elementary and highschool and even up to my first year in college, I did well so they’re used to me only giving them good grades.
This February, I lost a very important person to me, she was one of my mentors and someone who encouraged me and believed in me, if it wasn’t for her encouragements, I probably wouldn’t be in my program right now. That put me in a sort of depression, and for about two months, I went to my classes and did the work but the will and the motivation wasn’t there. I picked myself up too late and now I’m facing the consequences.
I know that I messed up and that I had no reason whatsoever to fail any of my courses and I know that I will have to face the consequences of my decisions, I know that I will have to tell my parents about it because though they don’t pay my tuition, I feel like they deserve to know about this since they’ve put so much expectations on me as I am the eldest and should give the good example to my younger sibling but how do I bring myself to? How should I tell them? I’m terrified of what they are going to say and I feel so disappointed and ashamed of myself that I let this happen. Please help me.
I’m studying right now in Canada. I know I need to talk to my parents but how to open up to them when I haven’t done something like that before? I’m afraid that it will be awkward if I talk to them about my mental issues…
This is coming from the mom of a kid who has battled anxiety for about a year.
Your parents love you and want what’s best for you. Sure, you’re nervous. Conversations where you have to give bad news are always tough. And you feel like it’s a double whammy-- your grades and your anxiety.
But I want to tell you this: Telling them about your anxiety is no different than letting them know that you have diabetes, or mono. It’s not something you’ve done, it’s not something you could have done, it’s a simple fact about your health. Please believe me: mental health is every bit as real, as important, as treatable as physical health.
The reason your parents let you go away to school was because they trusted you to take care of yourself. Part of that is taking care of your mental health. And part of that is keeping your parents in the loop.
Call your parents tonight. Let them know that everything is OK, but that you’ve really been struggling with anxiety and that it’s effected your grades.
You mention being a good example to your younger sibling. The very best way you could do that is to take care of your mental health, just as you would your physical health. Find the mental health facility in your school, and call now and make an appointment for tomorrow. Then call your parents and fill them in.
Trust me on this one, OK? It would hurt them incredibly to think that you were hurting and afraid to let them know.
As a parent, I agree with @bjkmom. You need to tell your parents, and they will want to figure out how to help you.
There are several things that come to mind:
You might need to see a mental health professional. Anxiety and depression and other mental health issues are very common, and are probably more common among very smart people. There is a lot that can be done to help with this. There is a very long list of very successful people who have struggled with some degree of mental illness at some point in their lives. It is likely that many cases of mental illness are caused by chemical imbalances which might not be all that fundamentally different from diabetes or allergies, no one seems to think that they should be embarrassed by these illnesses, we just find the right way to deal with them.
We might also note that anxiety, depression, diabetes and allergies have another thing in common – the medical professionals have gotten a LOT better at dealing with them in recent years.
You might have some learning disability. I am not the right person to comment on these but a psychologist or psychiatrist would know quite a bit.
Failure is a normal part of life. Everyone fails at something. I had a terrible semester at university once, but went on to graduate from two highly ranked universities and have a very successful career. There are many others who have done the same. To a large extent the trick is to find a way to pick yourself up after a bad experience or after a bad semester and move on in a better direction.
Some students are more comfortable in a smaller university. There are some very good ones in Canada.
You should start by talking with your parents. Then you should talk with the counseling people at your university.