<p>Berkeley - Materials Sci. & Eng. - PhD - Accepted
Caltech - Materials Science - PhD - Accepted
Columbia - Applied Physics/Math - PhD - Accepted
**Harvard - Applied Physics - PhD - Accepted
Michigan - Materials Sci. & Eng. - PhD - Accepted
MIT - Materials Sci. & Eng. - PhD - n/a
Northwestern - Materials Sci. & Eng. - PhD - Wait-listed
Princeton - Mech/Aero Eng. - PhD - Accepted
Stanford - Materials Sci. & Eng. - PhD - Accepted</p>
<p>To itcm and other interested parents: I'm in the loop, but only after the fact. Better than not at all, of course.</p>
<p>It's exciting to see one's kid making these kinds of decisions, communications, and negotiations all on their own for the first time. For those of us with kids going directly from undergrad to grad school, this may be the first really important decision that they make pretty much without our "help."</p>
<p>Our daughter surprised us with her final decision - not that we don't think it's a very good one- it's just not what we expected. Professor X's description of the process matches very closely with my D's experience. Because the communications are made directly from departments to the students, both through email and phone calls, parents have very little input, which is as it should be, imo.<br>
Even if parents don't want to influence a choice, but just want to make sure their kids are looking at all the options and handling their communications effectively, they are usually pretty much on the sidelines, especially if their kid is far from home. This is the time, and a wonderful opportunity, for the student to step up and be in charge of their own education and future, and time for parents to step back and let their student experience the joys ( and sometimes accompanying regrets) of making choices for and by themselves. </p>
<p>It's both a proud, and anxiety producing, moment for us as parents. We have dozens of questions; questions that we would have asked about offers, conditions, etc., that our kids, not experienced in either contracts or negotiations, may not have asked. Their decisions are based on trust - trust that the department heads are being truthful and accurate in their descriptions, and that things promised really will be forthcoming. Just like Professor X has to rely on honesty from the students, so do the students have to rely on the honesty of the professors. Not all promises are laid out in black and white, in writing, before students are encouraged to make their choices. This is unnerving for those of us in our 50s who have learned to read the fine print of everything. For those parents who haven't been here yet, be forewarned. Your kids may be making decisions, choosing and rejecting offers based on the word of the professors they are dealing with, because, as Professor X mentioned in an earlier post, the paperwork can take a while to process. It may be possible in some fields/schools / programs to wait to see all the offers in hard copy before actually making a decision, but in my daughter's case, this would not have worked at all, as her field is small and the players tight, and the "spoils" go to those who are willing to commit. My husband has said that the whole process reminds him more of athletic recruiting than anything he remembers from his grad school days. It's a wild ride, even from the sidelines!</p>
<p>
[quote]
It's exciting to see one's kid making these kinds of decisions, communications, and negotiations all on their own for the first time. For those of us with kids going directly from undergrad to grad school, this may be the first really important decision that they make pretty much without our "help."
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Jeez, A.S.A.P, we are in two totally different positions... I can't imagine... I had the impression that I was in the majority in that most of us PhD applicants were very familiar w/ making choices on our own. That started to happen in high school. Decisions such as choosing internships, majors, all expenses, etc were all entirely mine (as is the case for most colleges students).</p>
<p>As for me, I never viewed my seeming autonomy as unusual at all. My parents probably did not know my exact majors (comp sci and math) until late in my sophomore year... (they always knew that I was studying something with computers and something with math, though). They had no say at all in which undergrad college I went to. I went out of state. They knew I had good judgment and trusted my decision. My mother never went to high school, but my dad finished high school. Consequently, they respected my interest in school, but also did a great job of teaching me underlying important values of life: respect, honesty, integrity, the value of hard work, etc. So, although it may at first seem that my parents are more disconnected from my life, it's quite the opposite: just, when we talk every few days, it's just about non-school stuff.... that's my professional life... no need to dwell on it. It's kind of odd/funny, but I'm the first in my family to ever fly in a plane... in the past 2 yrs I've been in over 30 flights, been to cities my parents never heard of, and have accumulated a savings account endowment beyond anything they've ever had. This is not a bragging fest; rather, it's to show that parents need not worry. My parents planted the seeds and they know I'll be okay. Likewise, I'm sure your kid(s) will do well w/o holding your hand.</p>
<p>As for my grad school application era in my life now... they know that I'm really eager to hear back from schools, but they do not even know which 11 schools I applied to. I'll let them know which one I choose ;-)</p>
<p>I think most parents are somewhere in between those two levels of involvement.... have some say in what undergrad their kids go to (but usually leave the ultimate decision up to the kid), maybe even give advice on majors or other big decisions while in college, but don't have any say in jobs or other activities their kids participate in, and don't know much about the day-to-day financials. </p>
<p>My parents would know what schools I've applied to if they had better memories, but I'm sure they couldn't tell you without searching their email boxes. = )</p>
<p>Yeah I'm somewhat surprised by the level of parent involvement I've seen in this thread. My parents haven't really been that involved since junior year in high school, and they only know which schools I applied to because I told them as the responses came in.</p>
<p>Uh, parent involvement? I've mentioned that the only way I've been involved is noticing that my credit card has been used to pay applications fees. That's it. A number of other parents have similarly chimed in. Surely getting a "tutorial" from Professor X as to how grad school admissions work doesn't rise to a "level of parent involvment." Sheesh.</p>
<p>i would like to take a moment to point out the fact that you are posting on a graduate school admissions forum. not that its a problem, but i was actually surprised to see parents of hopeful students posting here.</p>
<p>chillax2,
I don't know what other forums you post on within CC, but I would like to point out that MANY students post on the Parent Cafe and the Parent Forum. They are generally not made to feel unwelcome. However, I will no longer post here if that is offensive to some. I very much appreciated the time given by Professor X and don't need to come back here anymore.</p>
<p>I don't think anyone is offended or opposes your involvement at all. They/we are just suprised by it because we (whether purposely or subconciously) compare it to our own parents' lack of involvement. While I would describe paying for the applications as 'involved', I don't want that to keep you from posting here. Nobody has said that being involved in the process is a bad thing- on the contrary, I'd be overjoyed if my parents were funding my grad school applications.</p>
<p>oh dear. we didnt mean to anger a mom. come back!</p>
<p>Who said its offensive? I'm just surprised.</p>
<p>Seeing as I was the one who actually did the applications for my son, Chillax2, (except for the SOP and resume) why wouldn't I be interested in the process and learn as much as I can? I've learned a lot --info I will pass on to my other 2 children when their turn comes. </p>
<p>It isn't that my son isn't capable of doing applications. On the contrary -he is perfectly capable. As independent as he is, he was wise enough and mature enough to realize that he needed help and he asked.</p>
<p>The decision is my son's and his alone. We won't be making it for him. We will support whatever his final decision as to his future school. If he seeks our advice, we will give it, but if he wants to go it alone, then we will respect that as well.</p>
<p>latalionalist is pretty much on the same page I am as far as involvement with undergrad admissions. While kids live at home, they discuss things at the dinner table, take or leave advice and share to a varying degree their feelings during the process, (mine did) but whatever college choice gets made, parents are at least aware and there with the checkbook. Until those financial strings are cut, there really isn't true independence. For most of the students and families I know, grad school is the first time that happens, providing they are going straight through.
[quote]
Decisions such as choosing internships, majors, all expenses, etc were all entirely mine (as is the case for most colleges students).
[/quote]
When I mentioned making big decisions on their own, I wasn't referring to day to day decisions while students are in college .( Mine D is on the other side of the country, and managed to make herself a very attractive grad candidate entirely without my help! ;) ) Not to minimize choices made in college with jobs, majors, etc., which kids do make on their own, I believe grad school often is the first major step outside of the family in the mode of total self-support. (Good for you ct9999 if you were at that stage early - I don't think it's the norm, though)
I also don't think these kinds of decisions are in the same league as what goes on in the grad school application and acceptance process, at least in terms of importance and commitment, and personal involvement with the process from the applicant. But maybe that's a wrong assessment on my part. It just seems like a much bigger, more life-altering decision - bigger stakes- more risks- overall a great growth experience.</p>
<p>Wow! Things heated up while I was responding. Hey, we're all friends here.</p>
<p>OK, so I overreacted to one student's comment. ;) Sorry. Let me say again that the ONLY involvement I have had in my child's grad application process is that he used my credit card for the fees. He didn't ask first. I just noticed all these charges. I really didn't mind, but he does know that the "spigot" gets turned off when he graduates from college later this spring. He's probably just using up whatever "capital" he thinks he has left with us. If "noticing" that my credit card has been used for application fees makes me "involved" in the process, I plead guilty as charged.</p>
<p>
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It isn't that my son isn't capable of doing applications. On the contrary -he is perfectly capable. As independent as he is, he was wise enough and mature enough to realize that he needed help and he asked.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>I don't want to step on any toes, but that seems like you are working really hard to justify your help.</p>
<p>As an adult, you should take care of your own applications, not have your mom fill out your forms. I understand he is busy, but we all are. We stayed up late and did our own work. I don't think it can be justified.</p>
<p>I seem to remember someone's girlfriend on here filling out their forms as well... can that be justified? It's a rhetorical question, because I actually don't feel like comparing who did more work on their applications, because I don't appreciate the way it belittles the work of others.</p>
<p>I'm going to go ahead and step on some toes by saying that NO parent should be helping their kid do applications for grad school, nor should they really be helping them at all, aside from giving them love and support. if your kid isn,t able to fill out his own grad school applications, than he is not ready for both grad school or the real world, period. My parents love me dearly, but I pay my own way to school, fill out my own applications and live with school debt that I have incurred and that my parents aren't going to help me with. Thats what life is about and should be about. I really find it hard to be supportive of kids whos only responsibility is to go to school and get A's while their mom and dad pay for all their stuff and basically pamper them through university. I know many will take offense to what I have just said, but try working 40 hours a week just to make ends meet ehile still trying to do great at school, THEN see how you feel about kids whos parents do everything for them</p>
<p>update</p>
<p>UCLA - rejected. letter dated 2/8/07. what the heck!
the rest are still unknown.</p>
<p>gosh, this thread really exploded. let's get back on topic here...</p>
<p>bcm- accepted
wisconsin- just came back from interview. think it went well, but just hated the weather and all the delays and cancellations
stanford- interview this week. nervous as hell
michigan- rejected !
mit- rejected!
harvard- probably rejected!
upenn- declined interview (indirectly).
ucsd/burnham- waiting</p>
<p>i haven't even studied for my midterms, which are coincidentally on the day i leave for stanford. senioritis ftw!</p>