<p>My son is a freshman about 2000 miles from home. Early in the summer, we looked at his schedule and determined since we couldn't afford both, it would be better if he came home for Fall Break vs. us going to Parents' Weekend as it was just simpler with other kids, pets, etc. Back then, I never would have thought he might have a hard time adjusting to college. He makes friends easily, does not mind being alone at all and was truly excited about the new adventure. </p>
<p>Well, over the summer, he and his girlfriend grew quite close. She is going to school locally so is here while he is there and the adjustment has been very hard for him. We are about 5 weeks into it, and he finally seems to be settling in. Now we have Fall Break looming in a couple of weeks. It is only a long weekend, but I worry that it will cause a setback. I don't think it has been long enough that when he comes back home, he realizes he has "outgrown" living at home, our town, and perhaps the girlfriend. I thought he would just be picking up some winter clothing, and now I dread a repeat of the last month or so. Anyone been through this? And anyone know why a college would schedule a break right as kids are getting settled in? Seems crazy to me!</p>
<p>It sounds like you are not a fan of the girlfriend?</p>
<p>I think the break can be useful for exhausted freshman to get some quality sleep in their old bed, get hugs from their family, bring home some laundry and get spoiled for a couple of days. The first month of college is so intense. I think a break gives them a little strength.</p>
<p>It’s okay for him to come home. Keep in mind that most of his freinds will leave campus and go home, too. Then, they will all get back to school, happy to see each other again and with stories to tell about “home.”</p>
<p>Strange as it sounds, the collectively leaving and collectively coming back to campus is one of the things that bonds college friendships.</p>
<p>The at home girlfriend is rough. Long distance relationships can be tough, but it also takes a lot of pressure off of him, for now, as well.</p>
<p>You know, it’s okay if it takes a while for kid to settle into being away from home. It’s more normal than people think, and they all have homesickness the first year, and even beyond that. It’s okay to be homesick, sometimes.</p>
<p>I recommend getting the book Letting Go (Fifth Edition): A Parents’ Guide to Understanding the College Years. It draws on research to chart the first year and prepares parents for how kids typically navigate the first visits home. I have found the book really reassuring in showing me the “big picture” on that first year and helping to see my daughter’s experiences as typical and survivable.</p>
<p>Very few of my D’s friends who lived that far way came home for fall break. She is about 3K away, and several friends went to the home of someone within driving distance.</p>
<p>Why don’t you ask him if he wants to come home stay at school? Maybe he’d prefer to stay, but is not saying so because he’s afraid to hurt your feelings…</p>
<p>He wants to come home–has requested meals, etc. I am just afraid it will set him back. And the travel will be hard as it is two days of flying, but he will survive! And SVM, you are right that I am not a huge fan of the girl, but I am doing my best to keep that to myself! Thanks for listening!</p>
<p>As the song goes, Whatever will be, will be.</p>
<p>Your family committed to his come home for break, so you can change your rules on that without fallout. You won’t enjoy his time home in the present if you are anticipating a backslide upon his return to school.</p>
<p><em>HUGS</em> to help you through. Worrying about kids is a never ending cycle.</p>
<p>If you’ve already budgeted for and agreed to the visit home, I’d let him come home. </p>
<p>A couple of years ago when D1 was a freshman, she had a tought time for the first month on campus. She came home for a visit, and I think it comforted her and energized her at the same time. A couple of nights in her own bed, showers in her familiar bathroom, seeing the cat…I think it reassured her that “home” was still there for her. She went back to campus as scheduled without any problems, and actually seemed to settle in even more.</p>