Family college budget

Can you adopt my two kids?

I think you can do anything you want as long as your kids know in advance and you don’t change the rules.

When D1 was searching, there were many schools we didn’t think were worth the cost as we said so. D2 is going to be harder- she probably needs a smaller school- which will mean more expensive. We never put a dollar amount, only that we would pay for college. If one is more expensive, that’s just how it will work out. My parents had a similar blanket statement of- we pay for college. My sister went to private and I did a combination of private and public. I never thought nor cared who cost more or “got” more. I think if you can afford it, putting dollar amounts makes it more complicated- does the kid who went to public HS get more, because they didn’t go private???

I agree with a PP that talking with the kids about how they feel might be best. I have talked with D1 that D2’s college will probably cost more. D1 doesn’t care- she loves her school and wants the same experience for her sister.

Back about 40 years ago, my parents made the following offer to my sister and I: Go to out of town school, and we’ll cover all expenses. Go to local, live at home, and we’ll cover all expenses plus car. Were the two amounts necessarily exactly equal? Probably not, but my sister and I both thought the offer was fair. Point being that if you and your kids are fine with it, then it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. That being said, I think your plan is not only fair, but generous as well.

I think that every family needs to figure out what works for them. I agree with the comment about being clear about the budget rules and sticking to them.

We gave our kids a budget. One stuck to the budget. The other is going to come in under budget and will have money left for graduate school. There were some schools that did not fit the budget, but fortunately neither daughter was unhappy about the schools that we couldn’t afford and there were very good schools that did fit the budget.

We told a little white lie. What we told the kids was conservative so that we would not have had a major problem if they had gone 5 years instead of 4. To me it seems like a good idea to have a cushion in case something goes wrong.

My wife and I do have the general principle that we don’t agree to fund anything for our older daughter without keeping in mind that fairness is likely to end up with us funding a similar amount for our younger daughter. D1 is fine with this.

We set budgets – we did a not more than $xxx per year out of pocket for us and we said we are not co-signing loans of any type. We did the same for each student regardless of what they did in HS

We were a full pay family who lived below our means from the time we got married to be able to give our kids what we believed was the greatest gift of all: to choose where they went to school without considering cost. . We had no interest in incentivizing any outcome. We were fortunate to be able to do this. It meant a relatively small house, years with no vacations and old cars even though our salaries would have afforded a higher standard of living. But for many people living like this woukd still not afford this outcome.

This is what worked for us. You have to decide if it will work for your own values.

This is what we did also. Older child then twins two years younger. Similar stats and interests, which helps. Did not set this ahead of time with older child (hadn’t discovered this site yet and didn’t realize the full reality of costs) but younger two went into the process this year with the chart I made after older child was accepted showing how cost after scholarships/financial aid worked out for each school. If they come up short they can borrow maximum that students can borrow. If that doesn’t work out the schools are not affordable (happened with 3/6 for older child - who knew it was a gamble going into the process). I also required younger two to apply to two in-state public schools which would be affordable; only required one for older child. If they come out ahead, the money is theirs for unpaid internship, study abroad, grad school or, at our discretion, something else that is needed/wanted for educational pursuits. After education is completed anything remaining will go to them. With scholarship and this year working as an RA which reduces housing cost, older child has “extra” money which he is saving for when he studies abroad. To me it gives them stake in their decisions and motivates them to apply for scholarships, etc. because the money that’s being saved goes to them.

@“one+two” my youngest is applying to be an RA next year.

Didn’t realize there are still federal student loan programs: thought it was private only. Have to investigate those particularly for graduate school.

We’re limited in what we can offer each kid, but the number is there early on so there are no surprises. One went to a private across the country where she got great merit aid, one is going to a trade school that costs less than his private high school did, and the next one is considering a service academy. (It may not work out a few years down the road, but we’re all enjoying the dream now: she wants to fly planes and I want free college. We’ll see how it goes.)

Anyway, the fairness comes in the early rules, not the eventual outcomes. We never promised any assistance for grad school, but if we have money left after two don’t spend like we expected then we might be able to step up. My parents paid most of what it cost us to go to school, and since then have kept detailed notes of any major handouts over the years. Apparently it gets worked out in their will. (I’m executor and heard these words: “One of your parents is keeping careful track of this.” Heh.)

Anyway, OP and I am in different financial worlds with different family experiences and expectations, so no hard directions from me. If your kids were raised with everything measured out very carefully and evenly then they’ll be watching the college money closely, but if fair is a goal rather than an audit outcome then they’ll have different expectations. You all got to this point in life somehow, so apply the same sort of structure around this next stage and you can probably expect a similar journey through these rapids. Good luck.

Undergraduate federal student loans are limited as described here:
https://studentaid.ed.gov/sa/types/loans/subsidized-unsubsidized

That page also says that “Graduate and professional students enrolled in certain health profession programs may receive additional Direct Unsubsidized Loan amounts each academic year beyond those shown above. For these students, there is also a higher aggregate limit on Direct Unsubsidized Loans. If you are enrolled in a health profession program, talk to the financial aid office at your school for information about annual and aggregate limits.”