I am a high school senior, who is currently deciding between attending Penn State University Park, Temple, and West Chester University in the fall. I really want to go to Penn State, but my mom doesn’t necessarily agree. Her preferred school for me is West Chester because it is closest to home and is a balance between urban and rural life. However, she is warming up to Temple because after we visited, she found it to be a much safer campus than she originally thought. To her credit, she is starting to come to terms with my decision to go to PSU, as she went from not wanting to visit the campus at all to taking me on a tour there a few weekends ago. I have always been a good child and did what I was told, and it just stinks that she can’t let me choose without putting her two cents into the matter. I get straight A’s, was on Student Council, National Honor Society Cabinet, never went to any high school parties, etc. Any ideas on how I could get her to change her mind? The main reason why she doesn’t want me to go to Penn State is because its 3.5 hours from home, but I’m ready to grow up, be independent, and experience new things.
P.S. I don’t know if this makes a difference but I plan to be a Communications major and if that doesn’t work out Secondary Education. Also, my dad is completely on board with my decision to go to PSU. Its just my mom I have to convince now lol.
There is a great benefit to a student who feels comfortable trying a new location, doing so.
As a student years ago, I went out of state (six hour drive) and discovered there was a whole new world I had not known about! Students in the new state thought differently and acted somewhat differently than where I had grown up. Imagine that!
Now, my two students attend school 7 hours and 12 hours drive from home in a different region all together. Yes, we miss them, but the learning has been terrific. They have grown in confidence by having to navigate new cultures and being way outside of parent “drop in for lunch” distance.
Going elsewhere “in state” is not that big a stretch and will afford great development and build your confidence that you could move elsewhere and still be happy and successful.
Remember, while PA is lovely (we have lived there)… there are 49 other states each having something to offer… not to mention other countries! Good luck and enjoy wherever you attend.
The fact that all of your schools are well within driving distance, your mom should count her blessings. Many students today are going to colleges that are over 12+ hours away from home. Also, please let her know that PSU has very strong alumni support which will help ensure you are ultimately able to establish your career in a city that is within a close proximity to your current home.
If you really want her to warm up to PSU, tell her you’re thinking about going to the University of Texas. All of the sudden PSU will seem like it’s in her backyard.
3.5 isn’t that bad…easy enough to get home for breaks. I would come up with a plan on how you will get home for breaks…I told my daughter who was 3.5 hours away that she was to find transportation home ( I would pay)…so if she didn’t want to take the bus, she could car pool.
Do you have any issues (health, mental health, ?) that would make her want you to be closer to home if she has to support you?
My older D went to school 2.5 hours away. I was really glad she was that close when she had to get an emergency appendectomy. However, 3.5 hours is not what I would consider far either.
Nope! I’m a pretty healthy child…I just think that main reason I’m having the problem is because I’m her first born child, so naturally she is being a little overprotective of me!
Just keep telling her how much you want to go and keep wearing her down. But in a nice way. Don’t promise stuff you can’t deliver, just keep it to “I think this is where I belong”.
And keep saying it.
If she asks why you think that, provide logical information to support your argument, not “I love it there and it gives me the feels.” That works less well on parents ;).
Also, don’t tear down the school your mom wants you to go to-that puts her in a defensive mode and doesn’t allow her to discard it as an option. Just keep talking about the one you want to go to, never mention the other ones.
I feel slightly guilty giving you a peek into the Mom’s Playbook, but there you go.
Is your mom definitely hesitant because of distance and not, maybe, money? Temple has pretty awesome merit scholarships, IDK about West Chester but PSU is expensive. Could this be part of her hesitation?
I had a friend who had a miserable time letting go of her daughter. Cried and drama all the time. I couldn’t take it anymore and one day said, “Do you realize her going to college seems to be more about you than about her?” It was harsh but true and it helped snap her out of it. The daughter was ready to roll but mom needed to grow up more than the daughter did. This is your life (but still being paid for by someone else so there are limits of course). If you aren’t given the freedom to do what you want here (given other variables are similar as mentioned like cost) you will resent her for it later and that is not good.
I went to undergrad 30 minutes from home. I went to grad school 3.25 hours from home. I ended up going home for the weekends more often from the more distant school. It’s just not that long a drive.
Tell her that my kid isn’t considering anywhere that’s closer than a solid two full days of driving away or a flight (and not non-stop either). She should count her blessings.
Not to sound snobby, but with your credentials, you can do better than Westchester, if budget is not driving this decision, that is. Both Temple and Penn State are fine schools with a lot to offer.
Continue talking about the visit that she attended with you, perhaps plan another for a second look. I agree, look at all of the transportation options available for coming home for visits.
My daughter is over thirty hours away in plane and shuttle rides from where her father and I live and she grew up. We are all coping with it fine, but there are days that I wish she was only three and a half hours away and we could go visit, take her shopping and have a lunch.
Both of my kids go to college between 3 - 4 hours away. It’s really not that far. In fact, it’s close enough that I have driven to their schools, had lunch with them and toured the campus, and come home in the same day. Also have gone to son’s hockey games and then come home. And you should easily be able to get rides home with other students for breaks.
Hopefully your mom will come around, although she may always “put her two cents in the matter”. Soon enough you will be away at school (no matter where you go) and will be able to be more independent.
I think it is valid for them to say a particular college is too expensive…but other than that, if it is a reasonable choice then it should be your choice. If they think you will struggle in a big school, then they can certainly have that discussion.
As someone mentioned above “stick to your guns”. It’s the place you really want to go and will help you mature into the adult you and her want you to be. You can also mention that if things don’t work out at PSU it will be easy to transfer to Temple or West Chester but going the other way would be much more difficult.
Now is the time to introduce her to Skype or some equivalent, then commit to calling her every week (my D does it on Sunday afternoons unless we’ve arranged otherwise). If she needs to hear from you more often in the beginning, you can offer that too - but make sure she understands that its just until you’ve settled in after which you will reliably call at the agreed upon time.
Remind her too that she done a fabulous job of raising you - so good, in fact, that you are now ready to be more independent. So good, that other parents would kill to have such a responsible, trustworthy and considerate kid who has always demonstrated that her trust was deserved (it was, right? at least as far as she knows, anyway…)
And finally, the kicker is that 31/2 hrs is not much - you could be home the same day any time she calls (and you have the transportation sorted out to prove it - train and bus schedules etc…)
(And yes, I remember the day my S called to say he had a broken nose. I was ready to jump on a plane - he was 12 hrs away. He calmly told me it wasn’t necessary. His buddies, the coach and the school all took good care of him. He had it under control and no, he didn’t want or need me there. I admit I was a bit shocked. And then suddenly grateful that I had raised an adult and he knew how to ask - and receive - the help he needed without me.)
I think Mother of Dragons has it right…that’s my playbook also.
One approach for you is to mention several majors that Westchester does not have.
Westchester is a good school, but they don’t have absolutely everything that PSU does…
My DD1 had three options for school. One was a university in our town, and the other two were over 1,000 miles away. She went with her heart, and is a freshman at one of the distant schools. Do I miss her? Absolutely! Is she thriving and becoming independent and self-reliant in a way that never would have happened if she had Mom right there on a daily basis? You bet!
Pose to your mother that it would be a good way to ease into life away from home. You would be far enough away to handle the little daily things that come up – running out of shampoo, etc. – but close enough to home that they can help with anything significant that comes up. It’s actually a pretty ideal situation.
