feedback and constructive criticism on commonapp essay please? (conditions inside)

<p>I've read the stickies and am fairly paranoid now, so I'll only send the essay to those with a good number of posts who are either currently in college or are adults reply. If you don't belong in one of the above categories, then I don't mean that you're not trustworthy, but I'm fairly cautious about what I give out on the internet XD Thanks to all who reply~ :)</p>